I wanted to say to my online friends how much you all mean to me here. I know that I’ve said it before, but I wanted to say you all mean so much to me. I don’t do healing work easily or well when I am alone. I do it best when I am in community. Community is very important to me. I wouldn’t be where I am in healing if it wasn’t for each of you. You all mean so much to me.
Here is the thing; in the last four months I have gone to two museums with a friend. I haven’t been able to do that for years. I have gotten out about once a month to see a movie in a theater. So as desperate and alone as I am feeling, I have to keep reminding myself that I am making baby and important steps towards where I want to be in my life.
My health issues continue to improve. That helps me to be able to be more active and to do more and to make plans. Once I am done with the tests on Wednesday I will probably rest up a couple of days and start looking for a new place to live, because I have to move in about four months or so, and it is unfortunate but that might take up a lot of my energy that I would prefer not to, but I probably have to move by May. I am biking more miles, on average, a lot more. I am taking out my camera more and taking photos more and started posting to my blog. This is all huge for me.
I spent some time yesterday making some plans on some things I would like to do in the near future. I’ve written some activities down and hope that I can do at least some of these things. I’ve done this in the past and unfortunately couldn’t do any of the things several winters in a row, due to winter conditions, but also due to health issues. I hate when that happens.
I am exploring joining a newly forming writer/poetry group. I’m not sure about this. It is definitely something that I have wanted to do for a huge amount of time. I actually did try that in the past and it went very very bad and I will try to write about that experience in the near future and post it. So I am very hesitant. It would have to be run by someone who managed the group very good and made a very safe space and where I could feel comfortable and where my mostly abuse writing could be acceptable. I’ve experienced where it was not and I am unwilling to repeat that ever again. I won’t ever accept being mistreated in the context of creative work again. So for me it really depends on this person and what kind of person they are.
When I think of all my plans what I keep coming back to is that I live much too far out in the suburbs, way too far, to be able to do things that would be very manageable in the winter if only I was living in a place in Minneapolis, especially south Minneapolis, which is really the area I would like to live in the most. I also think that this is the area I want to live in for doing my healing work and for connecting to others on the basis of Reiki and energy healing and possible interactions and friendships. So this is my big hope. I am having trouble believing that all the good things will come to me, so if you can believe and hope for me, please do and that will be great and will really help me, because I could really use all the hope and belief that I can get right now.