So That Doesn’t Work

Well I was interested in doing a gall bladder flush, but that won’t work for me. I can’t tolerate the apple juice even once and I am supposed to keep doing that two weeks, twice daily. I tried it on Thursday and my stomach area got much bigger from inflammation and the pain was really bad. So I had to stop that, which was very disheartening.

I have been doing Reiki healing sessions on myself the last ten days or so. So there is that. I am using the lipotropic supplement, which is an assist for kidney and gall bladder function.

I believe that since my digestive health issues are long-standing that my ability to metabolize vitamins and minerals has been negatively impacted, hence the several vitamin deficiencies I have experienced lo these many years and the necessity to take extra vitamins and minerals supplements.

Since starting on the probiotics about six weeks ago I feel that I am digesting foods much better and am hoping that will positively impact those areas of absorption of, vitamin d, iron, and iodine.

I am taking  vitamin supplements once again the last week or so, as I am able to tolerate taking them, which is great news, cause I really need them. I still need to go out and buy some vitamin d supplement, because I haven’t take those in over a year, since I was told my number was too high, which I totally disagreed on. It was a little high, but it was the beginning of winter and I wasn’t going to be getting much sun and with a history of vitamin deficiency I knew it would go down again without them. So I am testing at 50, which is too low as far as I am concerned, mostly because I feel so much better when my number is up higher. All I have to say about this experience is that doctors are a dope about vitamins.

Then of course there was the incompetent doctor I had for years who refused to believe in my digestive issues. I will always regret trusting him, especially since I realize that many of my issues were about my gall bladder and my stomach and he always brushed those concerns off that I expressed. Then of course there is also the chiropractor who never suggested any solutions outside of chiropractic. They like my money, but when it comes to giving me healing assistance, not so much healing gets reciprocated for my money and my insurance money.

It really has been the Reiki treatments over the years that have saved me and healed me and helped me manage. I am going to call my Reiki teacher and ask her if she has a Reiki healing share going on next Saturday, she has them on the first Saturday of the month, when she does them, and if so go next Saturday, as that always makes me feel tremendously better. If not I will ask her if she is interested in doing a Reiki share with the two of us sometime soon.

As I really can’t afford to pay $60 or more for one hour of Reiki. She used to charge that more than six years ago, so I have no idea what she is charging now. I know that I should be willing to pay for it, but it is just that I have spent so much on coping with being sick the last few months already and spent several hundred dollars that was meant to stay in my bank account already. I will see what she says. There is also another Reiki practitioner/teacher who I really love, so I might call her as well, but that will involve money as well, which is a lot of money to me. Well, I’ll let you all know how that goes.

Glad to Say I Am Feeling Better

I’m glad to say that I continue to improve and heal from my sinus infection. I hardly ever sneeze. I cough only rarely. My sinuses now feel somewhat painful instead of incredibly painful to the touch and almost normal. Oh my goodness that feels so much better and is such a relief.

I am doing Reiki energy healing on myself almost every day, as well as taking as good care of myself as I can. The Reiki really makes a noticeable difference in my functioning level. I can’t sleep at all on the nights that I don’t do Reiki, so I am trying really hard to make sure that I do Reiki, as I need the healing sleep so much more when I am sick. I slept a lot of hours yesterday and the day before that. I take that as a good sign.

It’s supposed to be cold again this week, the cold air from the north pole is coming to visit once again. I have to say how much I hate hate hate this cold weather with wind chills at minus 10 or worse. So much of the winter has been this bad and it is trying and tiring to have to restrict myself to my very small apartment and to have to try to go out into the bad weather for groceries. Going out for groceries one day last week made me much worse for several days, which pretty much makes me feel as though I can’t go anywhere without someone to drive me. For right now, it is good to stay inside and continue to get better, rather than worse. It is March and winter and I am yearning for nicer weather, though that might take some time.

The Reiki Healing Circle

About four months ago I started going to a Reiki healing circle that meets once a month. I’ve met several other very nice people who do Reiki. They do Reiki healing for free for anyone who shows up to the group. I’ve gotten some very powerful healing from them. I’ve been trying to talk and write about that and all it has done and the specific healing work that I have been doing since each session, but it has been hard for me to find the words, but I will try to post about that soon.

This month, for the first time I asked and was able to participate, and give Reiki healing energy to two other people that came to the group. That was wonderful. The two people were both artists and as an artist myself, I love and feel energized being around artists. So I got some Reiki healing energy for myself, got to give to others, and had a great time. 🙂

Christmas/Solstice Giveaway

Hey all!

I have decided to give some Christmas/Solstice gifts to my blog readers. There are four gifts. They are one hour each of Reiki distance healing.

I am a Reiki Master/Teacher and a Karuna Reiki Master/Teacher.

I don’t need to be with someone to give them an hour’s worth of Reiki, life force energy healing.

If you don’t know what Reiki energy healing is: here is a link

What is Reiki?

What do you need to do? Comment on this blog post or send me an email, if you have my email address.

Regular readers and regular commenters will be the first ones offered the gift and if there are more than four requesters, there will be a drawing. If you are not a regular reader or regular commenter, you could still receive the gift if there are less than four responders to the free Reiki offer. So leave me a comment here.

I will notify you by email of the gift. I usually do it overnight, so the person is sleeping, though that is not necessary. Or the person can lay down and relax, though that is not necessary either. Or you can take your pick of a time and date and let me know.

Creativity and Survivorhood

We are all creative. I think that creativity is an intrinsic part of life. We might have known this inside ourselves when we were children, but I believe it got shamed out of us.

I remember when I first started working on healing from ritual abuse. I was in the process of joining a support group for ritual abuse survivors, that was moderated by two women at the local sexual assault and abuse center. I had a one-on-one session with one of the women who had previously helped me find a therapist, with a referral to the therapist who worked at the center. I told her that I wished I could be creative and could create things and yearned to be creative so much. She looked at me and said, “well I don’t see that, everything about you is creative; the way you talk, the way you dress, the way you move through the world, you are creative. Give it some time, you will become more outwardly creative in other ways as well.”

I can’t say that I can see what she saw, even after all my healing work. But what I know is that I am creative and that it has been instrumental in my healing from childhood sexual abuse. What I also know that belief in creativity or being creative has very little to do with doing creative healing work and how effective it can be in healing from childhood sexual abuse.

Surprisingly I’ve been able to write a few poems lately sort of effortlessly. That has been incredibly wonderful and wonderfully shocking. So happy. I believe that I will be able to do it much more after moving.

I’ve been doing more creative expressions while doing Reiki distance healing work and Reiki energy healing on myself as well. I have been doing singing during sessions and am figuring out what I have been doing instinctively. It’s helping me to understand the value in my singing and toning and chanting during healing sessions. Seeing the energy healing work that I do as creative is helping me to understand and accept myself even further and deeper and to value myself much more.

I have plans on doing more creative healing work in the next months. I’m really excited and really looking forward to this next year. I will definitely be posting more about that and projects as time goes on.

Good News on Test Results

My tests came back negative, no H Pylori and negative on any problems on the testing for the polyp. All great news. All the causes of gastritis are things that I am not doing; no on use of aspirin, no on use of anti-inflammatories, no on use of alcohol and smoking, no on H Pylori. I get the stink eye from everyone I see when I tell them that, like they think I’ve got to be doing something I’m not admitting to. But I think the gluten intolerance/sensitivity issues could still be contributing to my still having these problems. Not sure.

Now I am going to get another appointment and try to convince the specialist to do a dna test for Celiac’s. I had one blood test done, but have been gluten free and so it wouldn’t show on the test. There is another test, but you also have to be eating gluten. The doctor said for two months, I told him there is no way I can eat gluten for two months.

I will be taking prilosec prescription medication for the next three months. I’ve been taking it for three days and already I can tell a big difference. My stomach is healing. I am hoping that it heals a lot and that would be so lovely. It would be totally great if my gluten issues where only a problem due to what I can heal from and eventually I can heal enough to eat gluten and be able to buy so much stuff cheaply and everywhere instead of having to spend so much extra money, time, effort, and energy living gluten free. It is expensive. It is exhausting.

I am giving myself Reiki healing energy and that always makes me feel better. I want to help myself to heal.

I am really looking forward to being well or even a little better, I could get used to a lot of being a little bit better and would be mind altered if I could really conceivably work towards total wellness. Ahh, bliss.

My New Year’s Resolutions

I looked over what I posted to the blog the last three years. I didn’t remember them in as much detail as I thought I had, so it was good to have the reminder.

2010

2011

2012

I suppose many of the same goals are present in my mind this year. But I’m going to do something different this year. I’m going to try to be as specific about what I want to do, not just have more fun, or to look at the stars or to do more activities, but also what kind of activities and how I want to engage with them.

Some things I do now, but I want to encourage myself into doing them more often. Some things I don’t do right now, but want to and have wanted to get started for some time. So some of my goals are to do some activities every day, once a week or once a month; depending on how active I can be, how much I am already doing the activity, and how much it is possible where I live right now (this includes the home space as well as the distance and effort it might take to take part in the activity somewhere else). I am trying to build in a way that I encourage myself, push myself creatively, while giving myself permission to do less without building up more bad feelings about myself.

Word of the Year: Sunny

Phrase of the Year: Keep Reaching. Thanks David. 🙂

Three word summary on Healing: Walk Your Path

Read. (Every day, if possible.)

Last year I read 107 books, the year before 100, and the year before that over 200, because I was lacking a tv, or dvd player. I love reading but it is a discipline and I have to remind myself to read, especially when there are so many other things I can now do online and watch on tv and the dvd player and especially since my health issues have gotten so much worse. Reading is a priority that I want to fit into my schedule.

Read children’s books. This is something The Littles love to do! I have been remiss this past year. At Christmas time we did do more books and they loved that. But I need to be more diligent for them.

Bike. (Every day, wheather and health permitting.)

Christmas. As my lovely friend Granny told me in one of my comments from my post Thanksgiving Was Great, “I say enjoy any holiday any time you can. If you want to celebrate Christmas all year round – go for it! Whatever works for you works.”

So I resolved to do Christmas year round this year. After Epiphany I took down and packed up most of the decorations. But I left several really great things out still, including the decorated Christmas bush. I still have the Christmas coloring books out after coloring this month. I’ve watched some Christmas dvds and listened to some Christmas music so far this month. I want to make some Christmas crafts. I hope to be able to do a lot more once I move and have some more space than just my bedroom to move around and do things, doing crafts takes more space.

Music. Every day, if at all possible.

Singing, love it. Don’t do enough of it. Try to do it every day.

Move, dance. Every day, if at all possible.

Walk and exercise. As often as possible. I am using my treadmill and doing some exercises that help strengthen my legs and core.

Fun and laughter. We love those things and our life is not nearly full to bursting of those things. Right now I am exploring how to purposely bring more of it into our life.

Adventure. My lovely new friend Liz wrote about adventure for the New Year on her post Ring out the Old, Ring in the New. Yes adventure! I have to have that as a goal for this new year. I am planning on exploring and provoking adventure in my life, lol, and plan on doing one outside activity as an adventure each month and one activity for an online adventure. I’ll be reporting about that through the year.

Museums. I would like to go once a month. Last year I only went once and wonderfully it was with a friend, but this month I have gone to a wonderful exhibition and with a friend. I already have plans for another visit in a few months and want to think of another thing to go to before then.

Photography. We are finally doing this 🙂 and want to continue doing more.

Zoos. We have two zoos here in my area. They are both quite a ways away, but when the weather is warmer I am planning on going to both of them with my bike, so that I can ride the trails to see all the larger animals who live outside in warmer weather.

Friends and support. Be more present for online friends, as much as I am able. It is nice that my health is improving so that now I can do more rather than just wish to do more and hope that things will improve. Read new blogs and reach out more to those that I like. Seek new places and activities where I can find people that I will find resonance with and who might be more receptive to me.

Be as open as possible with them about how much you want the contact and what it means to me. I have trouble with this sometimes. I have always thought it was better not to ask for what I didn’t have, because then at least I wouldn’t get as directly and as personally rejected. I thought that it would hurt too much to be this honest on this level with others. But it hurts so much more to feel alone most of the time. This issue also calls for safety, boundaries, functionality, caution, and developing something with someone as time goes on. And I am going to keep reaching.

Do creativity. Every day. I want to try to remind myself to focus my attention on the fact that I already do certain things creatively, I just need to put my intention there and focus on it while doing some things that I do that are creative. It is an honoring and an acknowledgement to help me get out of feeling stuck creatively. If I can keep reminding myself that I am indeed creative in how I move through the world and live my life, then I have overcome the block that I am stuck and that I can’t do creative fun and creative work right now. It’s not true. I am doing them right now. I just want to do them more.

Write children’s books. We have wanted to do that for a long time. I will try to post what I have been doing once I get started.

Do creative projects. Once or month or once a week once I start doing more.

Collage projects. I love doing collage. It is one of my mediums that brings me true joy. Once a month or once a week as things start moving in a better direction in my life, moving and getting settled into my own place.

Poetry/writing. I have sort of been blocked from doing much in the last few years. If only I had knew that would be a consequence, that my creative work would be stalled in many ways, I never would have moved to live with anyone else. I have reached out to someone who is forming a group and there is a possibility of joining his poetry/writing group when it gets started. Not sure how this will go, but here is the thing. I know what I don’t want. I know what I won’t tolerate. I know what my boundaries are. I’ve already experienced that in a group. No matter what I need more practice doing connectedness while interacting with others. Group experiences like this will be good for me to continue attempting.

Combat clutter. Clutter is one of those things that gets in the way of my life and of doing everything. Clutter blocks up energy. But it is an old coping skill from my childhood when I needed to block up a lot of the energy that was negative, bad, destructive, and abusive. Having a small living space here means that it is so easy for clutter to get a foot hold. One bump and a whole pile of papers go tumbling, creating clutter if I don’t deal with it all promptly. It’s hard to still have to be living out of boxes, but  a lot of stuff still has to live in boxes until I move. I have gone through many of the boxes, donating some things, repacking most, and taking out some things I really want around me, special books, movies, and healing things. I still have more boxes to go through.

Puzzles. The Littles love to do puzzles. I buy them from used stores and we have quite a lot of them right now. Once a month or more.

Coloring books. I know I’ve written about this issue in December. At least once a month.

Dollies and stuffies. I often forget to put them near me when I am on the computer and often don’t get up for them while working when someone wants to snuggle one. Right now a bunny and a dolly are within arm’s reach. That is the way it should be.

Play games. This is a tough one, but I am hoping that I find new friends who like to play board games.

Healing. If you know me at all, you are probably thinking well even just saying it is kind of redundant. It is sort of what I do in addition to breathing in and out. But it is important for me to do more intentional healing work on my childhood. I usually do one huge project a year; like connectedness two years ago and then pack leader/body energy last year. I see that there are many issues I would like to be more intentional and put focus on them this year. But also I am willing to be guided by my intuition and my spiritual guides as I get information. I think this will get much better and easier once I have my own home space where I don’t have to share the noise, energy, and life of others in it. And energy space of my own is something that has proven to be important to me.

Reiki energy healing work. This year has already showed me how much I can do, if I only can just get focused and do. I am really heartened and encouraged at all that I have seen and been able to experience lately in this healing work and am so very very excited about it all. I am a healer.

I have already done four Reiki healing sessions for others and two for myself this month. I have plans on working on myself with Reiki a lot this month and probably for months. My Reiki sessions on myself have been wonderfully powerful and I feel a huge amount of damage falling away from me. That is so lovely.

I am also more connected to my Reiki Masters (Teachers) lately and can ask them advice and for feedback on what I am going through and that is very encouraging and mood boosting.I really need that. One of my Reiki Masters is talking to me about perhaps taking Rainbow Reiki classes. I guess I have to think about that, I think the answer is maybe. There is also the possibility of joining a group for Reiki shares, where Reiki people meet and do healing work on one another. I want to do that a lot, so long as there isn’t an abusive member. If there is, then I won’t be there.

I would also so much like to finally hook up with some other drummers, especially for a women’s drum circle, if that can happen, I would be very happy indeed. I have a drum, but I just don’t use it. What I have concluded recently is that I need to do more Reiki healing first before working with the drum. So I am working on that.

I am planning on finishing up my fourth level class for Karuna Reiki, the compassion Reiki. For those of you who know me,  you can probably guess I kind of ran at the idea of classes that were specifically for compassion for others and healing them, especially for child abuse issues.

I have joined a few meetup groups that meet locally and am really hoping and excited about the possibilities of fun, connections, adventure, and joy that attending some good groups might bring. Mostly that will have to wait for another couple of months for nicer weather. If nothing else I will keep reaching.

What do I want for others this year, blog friends and others that I love?

To quote Michael Buble in his version of Feliz Navidad, I wish you love and joy.