About Our Private DID Blog

We have been thinking of our other blog a lot and how hard it has been for us to post there. I created the other blog and made it private so that our system could post in a way that I thought was safe enough for them.

I would not want them posting on this blog, because just anybody could come here and read, and our blog resource pages gets most of my blog views and sometimes I end up with abusers trolling for perv material, based on the search terms they are using.

So I created the private blog for the system to post to. But they are having trouble posting and I am having trouble, I think, as well in letting them post there. They would rather post here and I would rather that they post on the private blog where I believe they would be safer.

The thing is that I know that they want to post, but that they think that the private blog stops people from reading their posts and is too private.

It’s kind of sad that there has not been a lot of posting at the private blog. I usually get reminded towards the end of the month and try to make sure that something gets posted. This month there were two posts. Next month I have a goal of three posts, at least, hopefully with it increasing each month as they try to post more.

Unfortunately a lot of time and work in the last two months has been dedicated to my 100 healing quotes posts and two healing quotes lists in drafts. WordPress changed something toward the end of December and it ruined lots of stuff and I had to spend lots of time and effort fixing them, and unfortunately it has not been completely fixed yet.

Stray code was showing up in my posts that had cut and paste quotes from other sites and it took me a while to figure out the reason, thanks to someone on the help wordpress site, and a huge amount of time and work to retype and delete so much stuff I was not even aware was on the original websites I copied from. I’m only about half way done with the work. Still it is time to put some time, focus, work, and encouragement into the private blog.

I wanted to mention that if anyone who is a reader of this blog would like access as a reader to our private blog, just let me know and I will send you an email invitation through the wordpress system. And if you are already a reader to let you know that being a reader there in the private blog does not mean that you will get a notification when there is a new post there, unless you are an email subscriber. If you want to be notified when there is a new post you would have to go to your Blogs I Follow page and add the private blog to your list.

Healing Quotes Teens 443

“Go all the way with it. Do not back off. For once, go all the goddamn way with what matters.”
~ Ernest Hemingway, The Complete Short Stories

Healing Quotes Littles 441

“Under certain circumstance there are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea.”
~ Henry James, The Portrait of a Lady

Healing Quotes 702

We read that Leonard Nimoy died. Star Trek has meant a lot to us since it first debuted on television, we were seven years old. It’s brought so many of us so much joy and connection.

Leonard Nimoy’s last tweet:

“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP”

Healing Quotes 701

“I see the words “I know he would never hit me/physically harm me” in a lot of letters I get. Far more than I could ever, ever, ever answer or publish.

Those words break my heart, every time, because the people who write them are offering them up as an example of how the relationship can be saved and how I shouldn’t judge their partner too harshly. They mean “he’s not ABUSIVE-abusive (even though he does all these abusive and controlling things to me). I’m not like those abused women, I would leave if someone actually hit me.” They break my heart because the letter writers have had to do the calculus, the calculus called Would He Hit Me? and they offer the answer up as proof that he wouldn’t but all I can see is proof that he almost did, that he’s thinking about it, that he’s a week or a year or a hair’s breadth away from it. It’s proof that she’s thinking about it, too, that she’s had to do the math. Nathan wouldn’t hit you, but he’d punch a wall in front of you, so you can see the force of how his fists slam into things., so you can see how hurt his hand is afterward, so you know that the damage is your fault. When I read those words about how the partner doesn’t harm or hit, I can hear the echo of the guy saying them, too, like “Well, it’s not like I physically hurt you! Come on! Be reasonable (and do what I say)!“(Mentioning how “at least you don’t hit” someone kinda sorta exactly like reminding them that you could hit them, that you might hit them, that hitting them is on the list of possible things that could happen, you are a fucking goddamn hero of a man for making the difficult heroic choice not to. Someone saying this to you should always make the little hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and prompt you to look around for the exits).

And then the letters, like your letter, contain the most heartbreaking question of all, which is how, how can I be better/fix it/make it right/not make him scary and angry anymore. How can I be perfect (give up caffeine), how can I show him (check in with him by cell phone every time I change locations or company) that I’m worthy? Because the abuser-logic has worked. “When you make mistakes it’s your fault, when I make mistakes (like scaring you) it’s also your fault.” Someone doesn’t have to physically hurt you to harm you.

People in non-abusive relationships don’t have to do this constant calculus. Non-abusive dudes don’t get described as “intimidating” by their girlfriends, because non-abusive dudes, even the big strong burly ones who might look pretty intimidating to a stranger don’t intimidate their girlfriends. They don’t punch walls, or throw things, or put 10,000 tiny conditions around everything, or monitor their movements or their phones. When those dudes feel lonely, they fucking call a friend, or they muddle through those lonely feelings. Non-abusive dudes don’t pat themselves on the back for not hurting women, because it doesn’t occur to them to hurt women.”
~ Captain Awkward, #640: “I Know He Would Never Physically Hurt Me” and Other Fairy Tales.

Been there, done that. I’ve seen a boyfriend that I loved, who claimed to love me, hit the steering wheel over and over, when in a rage at me. I went numb. I froze, I didn’t react, I was shut down, there was nothing in me to react. It took me four years after the relationship to understand this too is abuse.

He had lots of rages, in lots of places, for lots of reasons. He always blamed me.

I don’t recall explaining him or calculating in my mind how to explain it all to someone else, just didn’t tell others what he was doing to me and how it felt and how it affected me, changed me. And yes, he hit me, he physically assaulted me, and that was the last he got to see of me. I always told him never to hit me and that in itself shows how yes he was calculating it in his mind, and so was I.

Healing Quotes Teens 442

“Daisies of the world unite — you have nothing to lose but your chains.”
~ Unknown

Healing Quotes Littles 440

“We are mosaics — pieces of light, love, history, stars — glued together with magic and music and words.”
Anita Krizzan