Healing Quotes Teens 862

“I invite you not to build walls but bridges, to conquer evil with good, offenses with forgiveness, to live in peace with everyone.”

~ Pope Francis

Healing Poems 820

Balance, January

It’s stranger than you can account for,
being alive, a cold January morning and twenty
wild turkeys high up in white oaks,
their waking up stretches in half-light—
first unbending out of a hunched ball, then
unfurling a wing, the second, while the broad
tail sticks out, flares, judders up and down.
Everyone says how stupid they are, will drown
when it rains simply by gazing up. I can’t
call them beautiful—but I grudgingly give them
credit for the way they balance on brittle thin
branches seemingly without fear. How to have
poise, to nestle down to rest on a fragile thing?

~ Patricia Clark

Healing Quotes Teens 861

“Use your privilege to destroy your privilege.”

~ Elisabeth Epps, @elisabeth

Healing Poems 819

Why We Climb Mountains

What we get from this adventure is just sheer
joy. And joy is, after all, the end of life.
—George Mallory

The ledge invites and frightens, loose gravel
scratching solid rock beneath your feet,
until the grating sound—the rasp and rattle—
is silenced as you step into complete
nothing, carabined between simple faith
and gravity. Will the tether hold?
There is a pull, a tension, in the fray
of scattered thoughts and fear of lost control
pressed against the weightlessness of free fall
on a stretch of braided rope. It takes skill,
and grit, to climb while clinging to sheer wall,
inching upward, pulled by strength and will;
but then, the descent offers you rebirth,
as you coil and push away from Earth.

~ Marti Noel

Healing Quotes Teens 860

“Never underestimate the investment you make in yourself.”

~ Unknown

The Guy Who I Could Not Make Into a Friend

I met this guy. A long, long time ago. We talked a lot a couple of times. I really liked him a lot… as a potential friend. I was upfront and honest with him from the beginning. I told him that I was not interested in him for dating, but as we had so many interests in common, it would be great if we could become friends.

Yes, he did hear me, as in the words did go into his ear and he was capable of hearing and understanding the words that I was saying. But no he did not hear me, in that he did not respect my no and not try to romanticize our interactions. After a few get-togethers and a few phone conversations I was so done and so over that.

There were two ways of looking at it; I had been very honest with him, and, I had not been brutally honest with him. I really don’t believe in being brutally honest with a guy. Well I guess it was true that I did not believe in being brutally honest back then, when I was  in my early twenties. Now I might actually believe in being brutally honest. Especially since not being brutally honest has not worked for me very well.

The reason that I am sharing about this is that I discovered recently that this guy lives in my apartment building. So I have thought about him a few times and tried to process that time I tried to make him my friend and he tried to make me his girlfriend. When I think and feel about this non-relationship I get overwhelmed with such feelings of anger at him.

I think we would have made great friends and it is hard not to think about how much better my life and potentially his life could have been if only we had managed to become and stay friends. If only he had been able to respect me and my boundaries and limitations to where our relationship could go or not go.

I had told him no and did go into some detail, though I tried to be as kind as humanly possible. I did not tell him the brutally honest truth, and he really seemed to be begging from that from me. He kept bringing up that sometimes you meet someone and feel nothing, but then you need to give it some time and see where it goes. I kept insisting that I knew where something could or could not go. The truth is that at that time in my life that was absolutely true.

The brutal truth is that I found his looks repulsive. I would never have told him that, I did keep insisting that he had no chance of having a dating relationship with me and never would. Perhaps that was brutal, but I don’t think so. He needed to be told the truth and when that didn’t matter to him, I needed to get him out of my life. So I did. I’ve always wished that we could have been friends.

Meeting him at the backdoor of our apartment building was a bit of a shock. Yes he looked just like himself, though older, and definitely not as tall as I remember him. I didn’t even recognize that it was him. He even told me his name, Richard, and that didn’t register right away. He mentioned his adult daughter and I think he talked about his partner, though I couldn’t tell if he was married or divorced or never married.

I excuse not connecting the dots because the security back door was not working and we were standing out in the cold. He called someone else in the building and asked them to let us in. He was nice and polite to me, giving me his phone number if I ever needed any help with anything, he noticed that I had a cane, and even offered to help me take my things up the stairway.  He had seemed nice back then as well, except for disrespecting me and my boundaries, so I guess that means not very nice. I’ve run into him a few times in the halls and he always asks me if I need help getting my groceries upstairs, though I always say no to everyone in the building. When I figured out it was him I deleted his phone number from my phone. I don’t think he has ever made the connection to me and the me from the past.

He is the person I am always thinking of when I say, you can’t make some guy be a friend when he doesn’t want to be your friend and instead wants something else. And I always feel sad about that. So I guess anger isn’t the only thing that I think and feel about when I think of Richard. Perhaps he couldn’t have been a good friend to someone. Perhaps my estimation of him was wrong. Perhaps I give him a lot more credit than he deserves. Perhaps I didn’t miss out on anything.

I know that guys get all pissy about women putting them “in the friendzone.” I know that is something that men call it when women offer men that they are not sexually attracted to instead of a sexual relationship. But that was not what I was doing. I don’t offer the “lesser” of two relationships to everyone that I don’t want to date, or not even to a few guys. I’ve only offered a friendship with a guy in real life, a few rare times. None of them worked out. None of them had a good respect for my boundaries.  None of them were free from sexual issues. I guess trying to make men my friend, in real life,  just doesn’t work out. I guess I can admit that now and it just is what it is and I am okay with that.

I think I would probably still offer friendship to a guy in real life, who was gay.

I also think it is a great thing that friendships with guys online have worked out so much better. So I got that going for me.

 

Healing Poems 818

Windchime

She goes out to hang the windchime
in her nightie and her work boots.
It’s six-thirty in the morning
and she’s standing on the plastic ice chest
tiptoe to reach the cross beam of the porch,

windchime in her left hand,
hammer in her right, the nail
gripped tight between her teeth
but nothing happens next because
she’s trying to figure out
how to switch #1 with #3.

She must have been standing in the kitchen,
coffee in her hand, asleep,
when she heard it—the wind blowing
through the sound the windchime
wasn’t making
because it wasn’t there.

No one, including me, especially anymore believes
till death do us part,
but I can see what I would miss in leaving—
the way her ankles go into the work boots
as she stands on the ice chest;
the problem scrunched into her forehead;
the little kissable mouth
with the nail in it.

~ Tony Hoagland