Here I Am

Hello beloveds,

I’ve missed you all. Waves, jumps up and down, and smiles a lot to you all.

There have been a lot of reasons that I haven’t been around here and on my netbook. It sucks and won’t update and I’ve tried lots of stuff and really really don’t want to pay money to have it working properly. It is so exasperating. Finally I have gotten it to update some of my updates, though it just won’t do things right. My windows 10 updates are the worst. This all started in April, when windows was supposedly not going to support use online without updates, and have continued to frustrate and enrage me. I keep trying and some things are working, though the worst is when it won’t update because it says that there isn’t room on my device, which outrages me cause I don’t have anything else on this crappy machine but what it came with, so there definitely should be room for windows 10 updates on it. From what I have read online, this is a glitch issue, and I do workaround that by updates from the settings page instead of the windows 10 update assistant, which is  the worst.

Aside from all of that I find that I don’t have a lot of patience for anything anymore, what with tRump in office. My PTSD has been very challenging these last two years and I am very triggery thanks to that big ass, big racist, and big misogynist in office. I suppose that I am doing better since the day after the election this week, but he always finds an evil way to show hate zillions of times a day.

My nurse prescriber retired and moved out of town so the clinic I go to referred me to someone in the clinic. I saw him recently and like him a lot. I was asked if I would prefer to see someone who was a nurse or a psychiatrist and I said loudly, I would like to see a psychiatrist. I feel really comfortable with a male psychiatrist and I think that was a good move on my part. I had a male nurse at the previous clinic and long ago saw a male psychiatrist and liked him a lot.

It was kind of odd because he said that the nurse had questioned my PTSD diagnosis and he wanted to know what I believed. I said, “Oh yes I have always believed that I have PTSD.” Hey it’s not like I don’t have plenty of very valid other diagnoses. It was kind of hilarious and at the same exact time, not at all hilarious and very disturbing. I guess I didn’t talk to her much about those specific symptoms each time that I saw her and especially since I do not have any medications that specifically are not related to my other issues of depression and anxiety. Though to be honest I don’t see how you can present with issues and diagnoses of depression and anxiety and being a childhood sexual abuse survivor and not get a quick and easy diagnosis of PTSD. Also I don’t think that they use Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder enough. Aside from that puzzling issue, I liked him a lot. He also gave me his office hours for Wednesdays and said that if I needed to or wanted to I could do drop-in hours every week. That made me feel so good and like I had someone on my side. A good feeling.

I’ve been going semi-regularly to the same therapist. Only semi cause of my health issues. I had a bad summer, getting three sinus infections while living in the air conditioning. That has improved and I am very happy about that. I got lots of self-care done, and that was great.

I’ve been taking the higher dose of levothyroxine, the synthetic hormone, for my thyroid disease for six months and things continue to improve all around, except for weight issues. Still being sick so much means that I don’t get out and exercise much, so I tend to gain and not lose during those time periods in my life. I am doing more and getting out more and walking more, so that is all good. And sleeping more and deeper and better. I’ll write more about all of that in the near future.

I’ve been hanging around blogs more and reading more and starting to leave small comments. I plan on being much more involved and I am hoping that my health improvements will contribute to my abilities to do so.

See you all soon, beloveds. We love yous.


8 thoughts on “Here I Am

  1. Great to see you back on line and sorry to hear about computer stuff I had to have mine upgraded so I could get space they added memory. Sounds like some good things are happening with new Psych drop in option I agree with you about easy diagnosis of PTSD with childhood sexual abuse caring thoughts


    • I don’t know you and you don’t blog and your comments here don’t share much about yourself. So it is hard for me to interact with you. You comment as though we are interacting. You know stuff about me from this blog, but you don’t blog, so I know nothing about you, I am not comfortable with pseudo-relationships, even online. You would need to comment more about yourself for me to get to know you. I’m fine if you choose not to share more here. I realize you have a right to make any choice in this matter. But I have no idea how to reply to your comments, on a friendly basis, unless you open up more here. Truly stymied.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.



  2. Hello lovely yous. I am so sorry to hear that it has been tough for you lately, but I am hopeful that you will be returning to the blogosphere. (And me too, as a reader. I sure have been MIA lately myself). Anyway, I just wanted to send some good vibes to yous and tons of light and love. Thinking of yous. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello sweet Liz,

      Thanks so much. It feels great to be more connected here once again. I am slowly reading other blogs more. That is always great. I will be writing more often soon. I love your recent blog posts.

      Good and healing thoughts to yous and to all you love.


      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sorry to hear that it’s been a rough year, between tech and health, but it sounds like you have a stable care team at least for now, which is a major win. Glad to see you here, and I hope the next few months bring some better luck your way. At least we got some traction in the midterms…not as much as we all hoped, but enough to suggest that the whole country isn’t completely batshit crazy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi David,
      Thanks. 🙂

      Things are much improved from three years ago. Still am a long ways away from where I want to be and am working towards. But still working on it.

      I’m not ecstatic on my carers, but they have proved to be capable of doing their jobs, and unfortunately that is a huge difference from previous health carers. I am doing my job, though, killing it on learning and implementing more health and healing things.

      I got a flu shot and got the flu, so think it weakened my autoimmuned system too too much. Was feeling worsened for a week and then flu for a week. Still recovering from all that. Getting my monthly b12 shot tomorrow.

      Felt my mood improve with the midterms. Believe that enough of us are fighting that we will get beyond all this. And rump spoke for the first time of just leaving the presidency in one of his campaign speeches. 🙂 I see that as a huge sign that he will indeed take his genetically defective trash self and run for the hills in the near future. Ah fat hitler, I will so enjoy that view of your backside. Some call all this stupid watergate, how totally accurate. I used to call it all dumpster fire or just him. Now I call him orange shitler.

      Some days there are huge blocks of time that I don’t even think of him, self-care!

      Thinking of yous all and sending our love. Good and healing thoughts to yous .

      Liked by 1 person

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