An online friend asked, in her post One of those weeks, today on her blog what do others do to find their balance when going through a tough time; between being real about what you are going through and not allowing yourself to sink too far into the problems.
For me the balance comes from realizing that the real me is not the me that I have been taught to believe that I am. The real me is the one who wants to be happy and wants to do good self-care, to have huge amounts of self-acceptance and love, and who wants to be healed and competent. When I am in the middle of something it is always important for me to acknowledge that, being real and honest about what I am going through, to honor how bad it feels right now, to accept that I am in pain and need to feel and to heal, and to still go and do something good for me each day.
Doing a fun or good thing in my day is something that I need to do to fill myself up with good memories so that they accumulate and so that eventually I have more good and happy memories than memories of abuse. I have to force myself some of the time. No matter what I am going through or what I am feeling, goodness needs to be a part of my life.
I find my balance by reminding myself that I am the one who has to find the balance on the top of the teeter-totter and no one else can do it for me. I find my balance by reminding myself that even though my family are not my friends and do not act in loving ways towards me that is not what other people do and that I have friends that see me in loving and caring ways. I find my balance by sometimes allowing myself to sit down on one seat of the tetter-totter and to just stay in that emotion, joy or grief, for a time. I find my balance by refusing to stay stuck in one place for too long. Action, getting up, doing something helps dissipate the feelings of stuckness. I find my balance by sharing about the good and the difficult, the joy and the grief with those who are caring, kind, and supportive. I find my balance by accepting whatever and wherever I am at the moment and by not accepting that I will have to stay here at this spot.