I’ve tried long and hard to connect to my own energy, in a way that was healing, in a way that was calming. Mostly I used methods recommended for grounding, that were sensory overloading or seemed dissociative to me. They didn’t work for me. I am so happy when and if they work for others.
I think that many of the grounding methods are dissociative. I am dissociative too much already, I don’t find it helpful to be more dissociative when trying to ground.
I don’t find it helpful to be sensory when I am overloaded with sensory input and triggered, sensory work only makes it worse. It doesn’t make any sense to me. Perhaps others don’t feel that way, but that has been the largest problem for me when it comes to grounding, sensory overload or dissociative.
Meditation has always registered in my body as dissociative. I find it the exact opposite of what I need to do in order to be associative with my body, my heart, my life. Relaxation methods are too associative with my body. I have tried tons of methods and most of them are too far on the scale, one way or the other, for me. I needed something different. Finally I have found that. I will soon post about that the work that I have been doing about connecting to my energy.
I’ve often wondered if there’s actually a healthy level of dissociation, but perhaps that’s just my own wish to flee “the demons”. I look forward to reading more about how you’re practising connectedness!
I do think that there is a healthy level of dissociation. I just question if there is a healthy level of dissociation to encourage for someone who is trying to heal from childhood abuse. I am a child abuse survivor and due to that also someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder. With that high level of dissociation and with so many memories still being repressed, the use of dissociation of any kind that is not naturally induced, like listening to music or singing or watching nature, usually results in triggering and panic for me. Living in the middle of the dissociation scale, finding balance is good for me.
I wanted to mention that I have already posted many posts on the topic of connectedness. Here is a link, if you want to read them.
You would need to scroll down to the bottom of this page to get to the beginning posts.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
thanks, i’ve been reading through your blog actually – lots of good stuff! you’ve shown me your diagnoses so i’ll show you mine – actually just c-ptsd at this stage though other acronyms get tossed around – but c-ptsd seems to encompass many things. i dissociate too and i’ve always felt my attempts to meditate have been too easy/fraudulent because of it, if that makes sense. but then i don’t have a formal DID diagnosis, so who knows where i’m at. i’m usually just glad if i’m not in a full blown panic attack.
i’ll definitely keep reading here – thanks again.
I have PTSD as a diagnosis but not the C. Mostly that is because I haven’t seen someone who gives the complex diagnosis. And I’ve stopped going to get diagnoses. I’m sorry that you are dealing with panic attacks. I know how hard that is.
Yes I get that. I do question whether meditation is for dissociative survivors. Two therapists that taught the DBT Dialectical Behavior Therapy told me that what they were teaching about meditation was not dissociative. And I disagreed with them. All of DBT, as practiced, seemed dissociative to me because they teach you to push down flashbacks and feelings, with only a few things that truly were associative. A blog friend suggested a breathing method that is working for me. I will try to post about that.
Good and healing thoughts to you.