Say My Name With Love

I do several grounding exercises each day, well at least I am supposed to do them each day and I manage to do them every day, and I need to say my name three times in a row for each three exercises. I tend to stumble over my name quite a lot and I suppose that is to be expected, it isn’t often that I said my three names together, outside of my grounding work.

I’ve really disliked the halting sound of my voice when trying to do this. About a month ago I decided to say my name with love. That means that I say my name in a loving way and to focus on feeling love for myself nine times a day.  Since I’ve advocated doing small and short exercises in that past, believing that we all need to start with manageable, small, achievable goals, I thought this was a good idea.

Well, what I will say is that it is surprisingly difficult, but I am still doing it each day. When I stumble, I remind myself I love myself, it is just a new skill, each new skill can be hard to do once you start doing it, and that the smooth sound of it might take some time, the loving quality of my voice may take some time, but I do have the loving myself part, and that is a great thing and a great accomplishment. I know for so many years that was way beyond me, and so I am so very proud of myself and happy that when I say my name nine times a day I am feeling love towards myself.

40 Ways to Practice Self-Kindess

40 Ways to Practice Self-Kindness

I recently read this article. Some of the items I have been working on for some time. Some of the items I have been working on for a shorter period of time. Some of the items I don’t like at all and rejected them as suggestions.

Usually when I read lists of suggestions for doing things better in my life, I like the suggestions and often like the idea of doing several of them. But usually I do nothing. I guess I get kind of overwhelmed and the article or suggestions from books or others often get lost in the effort of managing my daily life and healing work.

So I decided this time to try something different; to pick out five items from the list and to try to work on them for several years.

Here are the five things that I have been working on:

Don’t forget to play.

(Always a difficult thing for me to integrate into my life. But I have been working hard at playing. One thing I did do this past week was to buy the dvd It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and have watched it several times. I love that show and try to watch it each year, and now I can watch it whenever I want instead of trying to catch it’s once a year airing. I’ll be writing about this suggestion more in the next few weeks and months.)

Listen to your body.

(Especially I have been using this suggestion the last few weeks for when I am tired and need to lie down, and need to rest or sleep. Look, I really don’t want to do this, but when I need to lie down and need to rest or need to take a nap or go to bed in the middle of the day or can’t sleep at all, I really need to be good and kind to myself and not try to tough it out like I have done a lot in my life. I need to be gentler with myself. I need to listen to my body.)

Be who you really are.

(Article suggests not being concerned about what others think of you, which had always been a huge issue for me. I had been working on this for a while. I decided it might be good to approach that issue from the other side, really being who I am more of the time. I had been doing this through the blog world and practicing being more engaged in the world.

Unfortunately I get shy in public often and this hugely gets in the way of being comfortable with myself. I think my shyness has been coming out more often because I really haven’t been around a lot in public over the last nine months and now being around others is making me shy. This is a lot worse because many of the times when I am interacting with others is in a group where I don’t know others, making my shyness and social anxiety worse.

Still, with these restrictions I am still working on this issue, and I am hoping that as time goes on I will get to know more people and be getting more support, which will help for my shyness to go down to a more manageable level. I have joined a support group and gone to a Reiki share, and gone out to eat several times with several friends, which I will be writing about more on the blog. )

Express yourself.

(This item is about expressing yourself creatively. I had been kind of stuck, in a couple of important ways and am trying to overcome those.

Last week I made a goal of writing a poem and I wrote a poem. 🙂 I’m not saying that it was the best I have ever written, but it was important to do it. I also read a lot of poems, that seems to get me going creatively with words. I hadn’t written a poem since February 2013 when I started getting ready to move and then had so many bad things happen with my new roommate and the apartment. I realized that I was stuck, by the bad times, then living in a shelter for a month, then my new place, and not being online here for months due to money concerns, well it really kept me stuck and thinking about it was not getting me anywhere.

I finally got some more beading supplies so that I can make earrings, bracelets, and necklaces again. It has been about five years since I really did any real beading work.

I finally got some poster board and bought some old magazines so that I can make some collages, that too has been a long time since I created one.

I’ve also been working on bringing more of my creativity into my daily life and seeing it in more of the things that I do. One of those things is to see and acknowledge my blog as being creative and as a big part of my creative expression to the world.)

Clothes. 

The suggestion is to wear the clothes that you feel the most ‘you’ in. I had been thinking about this for a while, wanting to wear clothes that are not only very comfortable, which is always what I need to do for my health issues, is to be comfortable and for my clothes to be loose, and start adding more creative touches that are whimsical, silly, and fun. I had been buying some bead bracelets and assorted pins at the used store and I wear them on my backpack. I am always looking at clothes when I go to the used stores and sometimes at the regular stores, and rarely finding something great to go with my ideas of comfort, fun, and casual attire.

 

Healing Quotes 580-581

“You either like me or you don’t. It took me twenty-something years to learn how to love myself. I don’t have that kinda time to convince someone else.
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~ Daniel Franzese
 .
“If someone has a problem with the way I look, fuck them.”
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Andrea, Ilona Andrews, Gunmetal Magic

Reblogged: Reasons to Stop Making Comparisons

Reblogged: Reasons to Stop Making Comparsions

from the Internal Acceptance Movement website

by Daniell Koepke

“1. External things aren’t an accurate measure of self-worth. 

Because we can most easily compare the things that we can objectively measure, we live in a world that is great at measuring and comparing externals. Somewhere along the way, we decided that we could determine who is living a more valuable life by comparing our clothes, cars, body size, weight income, beauty and occupation. The reality however is that external things do not define your self worth. The person you are inside—your character, your attitude, your goals and dreams, your morals and values, the way in which you treat others—these are truly self-defining. The external things don’t have the power to discount who you are as a person.

2. You always compare your worst with their best.

Comparing your life with others is always a losing proposition because there will always be people who “appear” to be better off than you and seemingly live the perfect life. We always compare the worst of what we know about ourselves to the best assumptions that we make about others. The truth is that other people’s lives are never as perfect as your mind make them out to be. Everyone struggles. Everyone feels insecure. No one’s live is easy. People tend to put their best face on in public. Know that what you see is not usually the whole picture.

3. There is no end to the comparison game.

There are an infinite number of categories upon which you can compare yourself, and an almost infinite number of people to compare yourself to. Once you start down that road, you will never, ever find an end.

4. Life isn’t a competition.

How you measure up against others holds absolutely no importance in your life. Other people’s strengths, talents, and successes don’t discount your own. They don’t define who you are as a person. Your goal in life isn’t to be better than everyone else. The goal is to be the best you that you can possibly be.

5. Comparison puts your focus on the wrong person.

You can control one life – yours. When you consistently compare yourself to others, you’re wasting precious energy and time by focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than your own.

6. Comparison robs you of joy.

Comparing yourself to others will always cause you to regret what you aren’t, rather than allow you to enjoy and celebrate who you are. It will always steal the joy and happiness that is within your reach. It keeps you from recognizing and appreciating all the wonderful things that make you, you. And ultimately, comparing prevents you from fully living your life. It causes you to envy and fixate on other people’s lives rather than experiencing and engaging in your own.

Making comparisons doesn’t make us feel any better. It makes us feel inadequate and worthless, and in many ways, it keeps us stuck. While the temptation to compare may never be completely eliminated, there are definitely some practical steps that you can take to challenge the comparison thoughts. 

7. Recognize the inherent problems in comparing yourself to others.

You are a unique human being with an individual set of strengths, struggles, talents, insight, and characteristics. You can’t make comparisons, because as a unique person, you have a unique life. You can’t possibly expect your life to look like anyone else’s because there is no one else exactly like you.

8. Celebrate who you are.

Instead of focusing on all the things that other people have, start focusing on all the things make you special. You have so many wonderful things that make you who you are. These things that make you different are the things that make you beautiful. Don’t forget them.

9. Challenge the voice telling you that you aren’t good enough.

Your tendency to make comparisons isn’t a result of inadequacy. It stems from your insecurity and the belief that you aren’t good enough. When you can challenge these thoughts and counter them with truths. When you accept yourself for the person you are, and recognize all that you have to offer, the need to make comparisons will fade, because you’ll realize that other people’s lives and successes don’t have to take away from or discount all the things that make you wonderful.

10. Remember that nobody is perfect.

We live in a society that strives for perfection. The reality however, is that perfection is unrealistic and unobtainable. Everyone has flaws and imperfections. Everyone has made mistakes and messed up. No one’s life is perfect. You are no exception to that. Know that happiness doesn’t come from having the perfect life. It comes from looking past the imperfections and struggles and holding onto the good things. The sooner you stop striving for perfection, the sooner you can start enjoying your life.

11. Try something different.

Chances are that you’ve been comparing yourself to others for a long time. You know how awful it feels, and you know that it hasn’t really gotten you anywhere. So why not try something new? You have absolutely nothing to lose. So instead of shaming yourself for being different, try celebrating what makes you unique. Instead of beating yourself up for making a mistake, try accepting and loving yourself for who you are without conditions. Instead of striving for perfection, try to be the best you that you can be. Instead of making comparisons, try to remind yourself of all the things that make you special.”

Self Love

I told myself today:

“I love you today. No matter what happens, no matter what you do or can’t do, I will love you.”

I cried because, I knew, this is true, after so long, I have really overcome the hateful programming of abusers and healed from so much. I cried because it is so sweet to know that I have me to count on.

I’m not going to make a list in my mind of how far I still have to go or evaluating myself in a new more judgmental way, like I have always done; diminishing how far I have gone and how much healing I have done. Right now I’ll just sit in my sweet spot.

I’m Not Who I Think I Am

I’m not who I think I am.

I am more than who I think I am. (I do not know or accept the true wonderfulness of myself yet.Working on that. Walking on that path.)

I am less than who I think I am. (I am not the abuse, the aftermath or the aftereffects, those are consequences of being a child sexual abuse survivor, they are not me. I was taught they were, but they were lies taught by sex offenders to lay their blame and shame onto me, a little child. Being violated, having our boundaries invaded, and being sexually offended against severely lowers a survivor’s sense of self and self-esteem.)

I am learning more and more who I really am. (Almost every week another friend teaches me of another facet of myself that they see, accept, and love. It is a true education having friends. Living life brings me to many truths about myself, ones I could never see before, ones I could never believe before, ones I desperately wanted to believe and others that I thought could never possibly be possible or true about me.)

As I learn, I grow, I heal. I become more and more able to accept the truth of the good things about me.

And slowly, as I find me, I find more and more reasons to love me. It is my heartfelt wish that as you walk your own path you find all the wonderful reasons that you are lovely and that the seed of love can grow within your heart, until it bursts forth with joy. Walk your path. Love to you all.