Freedom can be a lot of things. Today it means to me being free to go out for dinner by yourself and to have a good time. It means being free from some of the damage from child sexual abuse and free from some of the mental brainwashing and anguish that abusers put me through. It means today is better and tomorrow will be better too. It means celebrating and being happy as you can be.
My heartbeat reminds me of my heart, the force it is exerting to pump the oxygenated liquid through my body, gives me the sound of my heartbeat. Liquid. Liquid brings me oxygen. Liquid digests my food. Liquid, water, is what I am mostly made up of.
I am a water baby. Water gives me so much. It soothes me. It comforts me. It brings me into balance. It brings me peace. My sign is Taurus, an earth sign, but my soul is a water baby.
This is a photo of a very momentous spot. This is where I had a vision. I had already been to this spot many other times. It had already sustained and nurtured me for many years. This is where I had the vision of rising above the water, clocked in a warm enveloping blanket. I rose up to about thirty feet above the water, in my mind’s eye. The earth told me that I wasn’t alone and would never be alone and that the earth was my mother. It’s good to remind myself of that. I have a mother.
Here I am walking. I love to walk. I love to hike. But because it is so painful, due to my chronic back pain issues, I can’t walk much and I can’t hike at all.
One of the biggest negative consequences of my health issues and especially with so many of them not being believed or validated or examined by my primary doctor has been weight gain that I cannot seem to effectively get rid of. I lose and gain the same five pounds over and over and over time have gained and lost and steadily gained over the last two decades. I don’t talk about my weight much in detail on the blog.
The last ten years have been the most challenging. I am not ashamed of my weight, but I notice how others react and interact with me in public. I note how negative society is about overweight people, especially women. I don’t want the extra weight, I don’t think that I over-induldge, and I don’t believe that being thin or even a healthy weight is a recipe for happiness and healing.
In the last eleven months I’ve lost 55 pounds, that makes it about five pounds a month I am managing to lose each month and not regaining. I am hoping that next month I can lose five pounds also so that I will have lost 60 pounds for the last year, at the end of May. I still have more to lose after that. I am eating better and having a few less problems for food and have done some very good healing work in those areas.
There are three nicest parts about losing the weight. 1. I don’t have the weight on my body, weighing me down, inhibiting my body movements, and causing me even more pain. 2. Weight loss helps improve all my gastro health issues, especially my hiatal hernia. 3. Walking is less painful, most of the time. For all the reasons I am better, I am grateful.
I wanted to take a photo of me twirling, but I thought it might not look any better than the photo of me jumping. So I decided not to take the word twirl as today’s prompt so literally and to instead think of what I think of when I think of the world twirl.
Twirling means to me abandoned inhibitions for the seeking of joy and happiness. One thing that does that for us is bubbles. It was so nice and warm today. We had some taking care of life business stuff, but afterwards we went for a long bike ride, and then around the lake and then some photo taking and then to the coffeeshop at Target. Thinking about twirling I thought we needed to buy some bubbles while there and this photo is my attempt to capture them in a photo, which was surprisingly hard to do. Bubbles do it for me. I don’t think I know why, they just do, so my belief about that is just go with it. If some small things brings you joy, embrace it as much as you can, as often as you can.
22. mother nature (Earth Day)
Thoughts several days ago of mother nature and Earth Day brought up lots of wonderful lush and growing images. The reality of mother nature today was something else entirely, what seems to be the start of a snowstorm. I did manage to go on a bike ride to the library today, two miles or so, to get some movies to watch, and then home again.
This whole month has been one whole exercise in managing expectation and disappointment. It is good practice. Not that I haven’t had tons of practice on these issues, just that I like to acknowledge that it is all a challenge and I am rising to the challenge and working on my healing issues. It’s good to see that in the midst of all that I have been going through this year, I am still up for the challenge and to give myself the credit that I deserve.
I am living. I am independent. I am paying my bills. I am taking care of myself. I am working on finding a new place to live. I am praying and thinking good thoughts for myself and my new abode. Friends and others are doing the same for me. I am blogging and reading other blogs. I am in contact with friends and that is something that gives me/us so much.
“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Moments, People, and Words That Make Me Feel Alive. from Liz’s blog just be. love all. live life.
In thinking about today’s photo challenge prompt word the last few days I’ve found myself thinking about lots of great ideas for a photo. I’ve thought of trying to find something fresh and new sprouting in the soil. I’ve thought of grass and trees and sunshine and growth. I’ve thought of the kind of growth that isn’t seen, inside someone, the kind of growth that is from healing and changing. I’ve thought of the physical kind of growth when thinking and looking at a little child. I decided that what I really wanted to take a photo of was a tree. But of the kind of tree you can’t see around my area yet, a tree that has some leaves on it. Then I thought of using a photo that I took from around the lake last summer or autumn. But I really wanted to take a post a new photo each day and didn’t want to use older photos.
Then I thought about food and the food we eat and how we are working hard to eat right and to take better care of ourselves. I thought about how hard it has been this month, because I had been trying to alter my eating habits a lot and it has been a real struggle. I thought about something that I heard on a seminar on changing your eating habits and the advice was to take it slow and make a few small changes at a time, because that is better and easier to sustain. I thought about how that has been so true in my life and in my healing and that I should try to do that instead of making huge changes that are too hard to sustain right now.
So I thought of taking a photo of some fresh food at the grocery store. I thought about different vegetables and fruits that I could use and then I thought of apples, they are grown from trees, and that seemed like the right thing to use for a photo today. And I bought some of the red delicious apples pictured above.
“We rarely ever accept all our good, even though we readily accept all our bad.”
~ Kate, at guest post a little slip of sunshine.
Yesterday I really wanted to get a photo of the sun for the photo challenge. No sun, but the sun was out mighty nicely today, so here it is.