At a family gathering recently a sister in law of one of my brother’s came up to me. A brother that I had told many years ago that I no longer consider him a brother of mine and exactly why. I haven’t had any conversations with her in over thirty years and even then it was more of being in the same room with her kind of thing, once or twice. I probably haven’t seen her in fifteen years and my attitude has always been, so what, my life is fine without you, your sister, and him. They’re not in my life and even before I excluded them, they exhibited no effort in being in my life.
I don’t normally go to any kind of “family” gatherings, but this was in remembrance of my beloved relative who recently died. I had tried to avoid these three witches that day, but each of them came up to me several times. My ex-brothers knows enough to stand about five feet away from me when he says hello or goodbye. He still persists in doing this, even though I know my other brother has told him I don’t want anything to do with him ever.
The sister in law of my brother came up to me and said hello so-and-so and then asked, do you know who I am? She looks exactly the same, just older, with more weight on her. I mean I have no trouble recognizing relatives, even someone who isn’t really a relative of mine, but a relation of relative of mine. I told her, yes you are so-and-so. I’m still puzzling that one out, she’s older than me, if anyone would have memory loss it would have to be her first.
Later in the day when she was doing her rounds saying goodbye to people she came up to me again and wanted to give me a hug goodbye. Okay fine, whatever, she means nothing to me. It didn’t comfort me or help me in my healing process, but what the hell. By the way she was acting she thought she was doing something healing for me. No seeing the three of them is not healing, is not comforting, it is just the opposite.
My beloved nephew died and now I can’t have his smiling face in my life, bitch, so go fuck off, I wanted to say. I love him and miss him and you think your presence and your excessive inaneness will do something for me? I didn’t say anything because I had promised one of my brothers to be nice at the gathering and he was hovering just behind her and could hear what was being said. He had told me to just talk to those I wanted to talk to and leave the rest alone. I had tried that, but that never works with my family, if you don’t want them, they have to try to invade your space and boundaries.
I about flipped my wig when she continued with her comments.
She said, you look just like your mom. (Yes she just compared me physically to a sex offender, who beat and raped me while I was a pre-schooler. Yes I look like a 70 year old woman, who had white hair when she died more than 15 years ago, thanks for your tact. Obviously I don’t.)
I bent over, stuck my finger in my mouth and made gagging noises.
She said, seeing you makes me think of your mom.
I said, that does nothing for me.
She said, well I always had a soft spot in my heart for your mom.
I said, again that does nothing for me.
She walked away.
About a month ago I had decided that a big healthy dose of snark was an entrenched part of my personality, that I accept that, and that I love that about myself. I’m not some kind of perfect little kitten, some tiny little victim that others can make be nice and compliant, which is what my family has always tried to do to me. I want to be good and kind and caring, more than anything else in the world, but the first and most important person for me to be good and kind and caring to is me.
Their presence in my life does nothing for me. Bye-bye.