Working on my issues with grounding and trying to figure out connectedness has shown me that there are huge issues of attachment and that it is okay to be where I/we are in this process. I am starting to see that my issues with grounding are a big part of the mother-daughter sexual abuse that I went through at the hands of a sadist mother who abused me instead of loving and protecting me.
Attachment is meant to happen with a baby to her mother. I did not have that. I never used to think that I had huge attachment issues. I attached to others to survive. It got me through.
In fact, I attached too much to others, to people who mostly did not want me or love me. Over-attachment to others is an attachment issue. It doesn’t help that I am intuitive and empathetic. Having attachment and connectedness is a part of my process of healing from mother-daughter sexual abuse. I think I was sort of in denial about it all.
I suppose the acceptance of this emerging reality of the deep consequences of mother-daughter sexual abuse is totally appropos of my connnectedness to stones and crystals. Stones are literally of the earth, of the mother. They are a part of the earth and a product of the earth. I would suppose that their primary attachment and connectedness might be to the earth, but really I don’t want to speak for them. I really don’t know.
I have a strong connection to stones and crystals. I don’t know when I figured that out. But it has been there for a long time. I loved them as a child. I wanted to have lots and lots of them.
At a certain point I started buying a few small stones and crystals. I started learning about some of them and buying specific ones to use in healing work. I bought some when I would come across them. But I did not learn a lot and I did not use them a lot. I liked having them. I liked having them near me.
I thought that I had a connection to stones/crystals. I felt them when I touched them. When I bought one it was because that stone seemed to get my attention and I believed that it wanted to come home with me. I would hold one stone and work on healing in my life. It seemed to help.
I loved to go to one cart in a local small mall. The seller had small, medium, and large crystals. I loved being near them. I used to go there just to touch the large crystals. I could hear them singing. It was beautiful.
When I started taking Reiki classes I was drawn more strongly to them. Reiki can be used in conjunction with stones and crystals to increase the power of a healing. My Reiki teacher and others validated my belief that I was intuitely connected to the stones and crystals.
I have my stones in my bedroom in a wooden bowl. I have made sure that they travel with me, through all my travels in the last two years, even when most of my belongings were in storage, my stones were with me.
After moving here to this house almost a year ago, I picked out several stones intuitively, which is what I usually do, to do some healing work. I looked them up in my crystal books and discovered they were just the right stones to use. I have them somewhere around my bedroom. I don’t hold them. I don’t know exactly where they are. They are just there. Stones are like that. They like to go where they are needed and be left alone to do their work.
As I’ve mentioned I have trouble with grounding to the earth and to objects or to even holding objects. I used to touch stones, but I usually don’t usually anymore, but now I don’t have to in order to connect with them.
Oddly I am drawn to hematite stones. I have several of them myself. They are a metal stone that has a strong connection to the earth, a very grounding stone. During my last Reiki class I had a connection to a hematite stone while holding it and from the stone I saw how it was connected to other hematite stones.
I realized that I have very strong connections to stones/crystals that I can access without touching. So I am trying to remind myself to think of the stones and to focus of my connectedness to them, in my room, in the world and to access them for healing and connectedness.