Message Boards, Business Websites & Business Blogs

I wanted to mention this, because it has been coming up fairly often as I am blogging. I do have some articles that I connect through a link on any number of my resource pages. I don’t recommend any of those businesses whether they are non-profits or not, even a few links to therapist websites, though I tend to avoid therapist blogs like the plague, and I would never link to a therapist blog.

Some links are to blogs on a topic of life and some are business blogs that the person uses in order to sell their products. I don’t recommend any of them and the sole purpose of the link is for the article that I directly link to. I am not recommending that you read other articles at the same website. I am just recommending this specific article.

I have several links to articles at a message board, but I don’t recommend the message boards, just the article. Over the years I have been a member of several message boards. I am not going to comment on my blog about specific message boards I have been at. There isn’t a message board, that I am aware of, that I would recommend to anyone, to a survivor or a secondary survivor.

I have several links to articles at a mother-daughter sexual abuse organization, I don’t recommend that website. I don’t recommend the message board there. There isn’t a message board that I would recommend to anyone.  What I am recommending is that the article might be worth reading and nothing else.

There isn’t a message board that I would recommend to anyone. If there was I would state that, this is a safe place to go and be a member in my opinion, if not, you can assume that I don’t recommend them.

If I don’t recommend a message board I believe the best phrase of caution would be let the buyer beware. Cautioning a buyer beware attitude to survivors and secondary survivors is what I believe is the best thing to do, whether it is a good site or safe site or not. I don’t have any specific links to message boards, just to articles posted on their parent sites.

If you think that you are not a purchaser of a message board, even if it is free, you would be wrong. I used to think that free support groups were really free, until I was damaged, used, abused and hurt by members, breaking my ability to trust others and to trust myself to discern a safe person. The same would be true of my experiences at message boards.

There was a message board, run by a woman, for survivors of abuse who have Dissociative Identity Disorder, but I was too damaged at the time to trust others there and it was difficult to post, since I was new and got few responses, which was devastating to me. After being abused and wounded it was difficult to build friendships up again. Unfortunately that board closed down some time ago, when I was still struggling through my issues, or I would highly recommend it.

Please use caution when participating at any message board you choose. I recommend checking out my Resource page where there are 40 pages of resources, non-profit organizations, articles, and healing support for survivors of child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault, domestic violence, and dealing with the aftermath of child sexual abuse.

I recommend  you look over grounding/coping links and  self-soothe/comfort links and learn some of those techniques as well. I recommend you work on learning and establishing boundaries.

I recommend good and healing thoughts to you all.

The Month of May

I will be hosting the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse for the month of May. I had planned on hosting May last year, but sadly, because of moving and computer access issues was not able to do it.

The topic I have chosen is Self-Care. Please feel free to submit a post on self-care or anything else. Submissions deadline is May 18th, posting the carnival May 20th at six pm, central time. I’ll post more details on May 1st.

With that in mind I have decided to spend more time doing more things with my inner kids during the whole month of May. What is apparent is that I have not been taking very good care of their wants and needs lately.

Unfortunately I get scared and it is just easier to ignore those things that scare me about being multiple. I just have to admit that I have fears about the system and my ability to handle everything. I’ve been fearing being overwhelmed and unable to cope, which is pretty ridiculous based on our past history and a huge under-estimation of my abilities, based on the facts at hand. 

My life has been one stress after another the last couple of years and their cares and concerns have been relegated to the bottom of the priority list. So I am trying to approach this from a self-care perspective. I have ignored certain self-care issues and I need to do better with that.

I’ve been working on the issues of grounding and comfort skills the last couple of months and it has slowly occured to me that I need to work on self-care within the system, not just the daily needs, but also the daily wants in order for us all to be more grounded to this world, our body, and our life. The one area I ignore far too much is the Littles.

I have let them pick out all the quotes, songs, etc for the month, they will be posted on even days. On the odd days of the month I will be posting about how the process is going.

I already know some things that I want to do this next month. I’ve kept a running list in my head. I need to write things down, as I tend to forget things. Lists help me. I’ll post an intial short list of to-do requests from the Littles tomorrow afternoon.

We already went out and bought bubbles. I don’t know about any of you, but there is nothing that quite lifts my spirits as blowing bubbles, it just makes me feel happy.

Second on the list is a sparkly high bouncing ball. I’ve had several smaller ones, but they seem to get misplaced or lost. The one that I want, that I have always thought was too expensive  cost about seven dollars. We love high bouncing balls. They too make me feel very happy.

It should be an interesting month.  🙂

The Aftermath of a Ritual Abuse Trigger Day

I had a bad trigger day this week. I had forgotten that it was approaching, but my body, my system knew. That’s the thing about ritual abuse, you never forget, even if you try to put it out of your mind, it is still there and keeps coming around.

It came creeping up on me days in advance. Everything made me cry this past week, so sentimental movies were out of the question. So I tried to catch up on tv shows I had lost track of. Even so the plot twists in a normal show were still leaving me in tears.

I had been crying more often in the past few weeks. That is a good sign. I have been feeling much safer in my new place and with safety comes the return to a deeper healing. That is nice, not crying per se, just that I am accessing deeper healing.

I was very withdrawn this past week, well for me. I was still doing a lot of stuff online. I went outside once in the past week and that was on the trigger day. I just needed to see the sun shining. It was lovely.

I used some of my self-care/comforting skills. That was nice. I have my computer working and that was great. At times I just sit and do something online with a page open to my blog and I check on it a lot. For me, that is amazingly comforting and reduces my anxiety.

I found some more Songs for Self(ves) to post. Usually I find ones that represents me singing the lyrics to the system, giving them my love and support. I found one that is about me singing to the system asking for their love and support. I think it is a real turning point for me, that I believe that I am worthy of their love and support.

Overall emotionally things have settled down. But the stress and the triggering and the anxiety of us going through an annual trigger date has contributed to my feeling sick. Not sure yet if it is the flu or a cold. I’m trying to fight it off. Trying to take good care of myself and get well, because I deserve it.