The world is what you make of it, friend. If it doesn’t fit, you make alterations.
~ Stella, played by Linda Hunt, in the movie Silverado.
Life is the great experiment. Each of us is an experiment of one– observer and subject– making choices, living with them, recording the effects.
The greatest gift that we can to give ourselves is the same level of love and devotion that we shower onto others.
As a survivor of ritual abuse there are yearly anniversary trigger dates that are particularly hard for me. It’s always amazing to me that no matter how much I don’t pay attention to the calendar, my body and our system seems to keep track of it very well.
Ritual Abuse Resources
I know from past experiences that I get a little spacey, more dissociative. Still the dissociation is usually strong enough for it not to click into my mind, oh yeah here comes another date that is difficult for us.
It usually starts about ten days before the date. I will have trouble remembering what day it is of the month and it keeps happening day after day, no matter how much effort I put into knowing the date the day before. I think it was somewhat worse this time, because I had recently done several health appointments that were stressful and exhausting, coupled with a cold. I think the cold was brought on by the anniversary trigger date. That’s fairly common for me as well, for the stress to make me sick.
Finally I’ll put it together in my mind a few days beforehand. Then I just plan on taking that day easy, getting as much sleep as I can, and taking as gentle care as possible. I read as much as I wanted to, saw one of my favorite movies, took bike rides, spent fun time with doggie, and ate chocolate mug cake with chocolate ice cream. I’d really like to be able to celebrate the changing of the seasons on these dates, but in the meantime I am happy that I am able to celebrate myself by taking good and gentle care of us.
As a wonderful bonus I get to go to a parade on Friday and fireworks on Saturday, unless there is rain. I am looking forward to both.
The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is posted at From Tracie.
May 2012 Edition
Blog Carnival Archive (scroll down towards the bottom of the screen)
There are two quotes that stick in my mind about this topic.
One is of a teacher who said that when she is teaching art to a classroom full of five year olds and she asks them to raise their hands if they are an artist and all of the five year olds will raise their hands. But in a classroom full of ten years old and she asks the same question to only half of the students raising their hands.
Probably the opposite is true. Probably artistic ability has increased rather than decreased and yet they doubt themselves.
The second is a story from the movie Six Degrees of Separation. The person is telling a story about going to his child’s school and seeing so many beautiful paintings on the walls done by the children. He asked the teacher why they were all so good. She said the genius is not in the work, but in knowing when to stop and that is when I take the painting away and say they are done.
So, like most things, having a someone to take the roles of teacher, mentor, and supporter means so much to believing in yourself and doing. I never had that before; before finding my survivor friends. But more and more I am getting support and that has helped me to be bold and to believe in myself.
I am an artist.
I’ve written about my spirit guides before on the blog. They mean a great deal to me.
I remember being four years old and seeing and talking to my guardian angel. I still see him. I still talk to him. His image of me as a loveable person of worth still touches my heart and challenges me to come to place where I can fully believe him. Being loved by an angel, to me, is a powerful thing.
My teacher guide has taught me so much about Reiki, energy, and healing; which has been particularly important to me, because I don’t have a lot of regular contact with Reiki people that I can learn from. He loves me and that means so much to me. He teaches me so much. He reminds me to focus on healing. He is there all the way through my healing path. He has had a powerful influence on my life and my healing.
My animal guides give me so much wisdom, acceptance, and respect. I have a strong connectedness to animals through nature. So having animal guides feels very natural to me. My animal guides are so powerful in my life. One of my animal guides is guiding me in cleansing exercises of the emotional aftereffects of child sexual abuse. We swim in the ocean, though I live in the middle of the country. It is an incredible healing journey.