A Question

What does your soul look like?

My soul looks like a fluffy cloud, to me. It used to be about six inches tall and located in my upper abdomen. That was what I thought was normal for a soul. I thought that my soul was beautiful and gorgeous and I loved my soul ever so very much. It brought me a lot of joy and contentment. I envisioned my soul as being incredibly wise and wonderful; for me that is my ultimate healing truth.  My soul chose to stay in this world and I owe it my/our life and every joy that we have. And then I started doing soul retrieval healing work for my soul.

That was about two years ago and started when I was going to a free Reiki healing group that met once a month. Someone there mentioned soul retrieval work two months in a row and on the second month I said that I was interested in doing whatever my soul wanted or needed for healing. And he helped me start my own soul retrieval work. At first it felt like tiny bits of cloud returning from all over to live in my body once again.

One of my Reiki masters referred me to another master who does shamanic soul retrieval. She let me talk to her for more than an hour and query her on a number of topics, how she does soul retrieval work in combination with Reiki healing work, how she uses shamanic work during soul retrieval work, and evaluated what was happening to me now. It was very helpful. We agreed that if I felt stuck in this process I could make an appointment with her and she could help me with my soul retrieval work. It was tremendously valuable. I didn’t ever feel struck and have tried to let my soul retrieval work go at my soul’s pace.

Some months ago I started wondering if my soul retrieval work was completed. That is because my soul seems to be as big as my body. I never realized that was normal, I always thought that a soul was very tiny in comparison to a body. Though I have to say I am not entirely sure how other people’s souls look or look to them or how different that seems to them once they have done soul retrieval work.

Still, though, little bits of my soul would seem to be returning, even though it was happening less and less in the last months. Today there were several tiny bits that returned, so I am concluding that I am not done yet with retrieving all my soul. I am okay with that. It will just take as long as it needs.

So what does your soul look like or what do you think it looks like or what do you think it is like inside your soul?

Still Extra Stepping

I am happy to report that I am still doing the extra stepping exercise program through my manual treadmill and walking extra steps whenever I can get out and about. I also started using a stationary bike about three months ago, so that I could stay more active over the winter when I couldn’t get out to bike in the snow and cold, when it was too cold.

As always I would like to be a lot further along in my efforts of being more physically active. But some days it is just too much for me, so I don’t exercise a few days a week, usually. I am happy that the exercise helps moderate my moods, helps my muscles relax, decreases my level of pain in my legs and hips, and usually contributes to better sleep.

I haven’t lost any weight for months, but I also haven’t gained any. I’m not dieting or doing anything restrictive. I’d really rather be farther along on the weight issue, as weighing more always causes me more pain.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I really love myself and don’t care what others think of my body. It’s not just body acceptance but a real love and acceptance of who I am and what I do. It’s really kind of nice to be on this side of love. I think that doing Soul Retrieval work and self-esteem work has brought me to this place and I want to blog soon about both of those things in the near future.

Well This Sucks

Well this sucks.

Just as I have been able to start finding the words to describe and write about certain things that have happened to me six months ago and even a year ago and even longer ago than that, cause I was pretty blocked about sharing about certain things, just when I seem to be opening up more and able to share more, wham! a lot more stuff has been happening this past week and I feel real silent again and it is really hard to find the words. Well this sucks.

On the plus side, which I still haven’t been able to talk much about the some of the big stuff this past year, even in therapy and here on the blog.

One thing I started doing in October last year was soul retrieval work, which has been incredible and fantastic and very, very healing, but the words just don’t seem to come out to share about it and to feel about it and to really get a good grip on what happened and what is still happening. I hope mentioning it here helps me to start trying to post more about that process.

I was able to go to therapy this afternoon and was able to condense some of the big shit that has been happening this week and what it means and how I have been thinking and feeling and processing. So that is a really good sign.

I’ve been doing a lot of inner multiple system work, in our inner living reality of the system, which has really been exhausting and very essential, and I hope that I will be able to share some of that and for some of the inners to share more about that as well on our private blog.

Friends online and in person, who know that I am multiple, have been tremendously supportive in our healing process and have often asked what it is like to be multiple, what kind of stuff can I do, how can I do things better to be there for you?

And quite frankly it has always been so hard for me to deal with finding an adequate answer. I am thinking that I might be able to write something about what we are going through within/inside the system, as we interact with one another, as a way of trying to explain some of what it feels like and how we experience being multiple. Well we will be thinking about it and trying to write about it.

A lot of the things of life are good and I am still doing many fun and enjoyable things every week, even if it is only to read a book that I want, watch a movie or a tv show that I want. That has been the good part of the healing process over the years.

The suckie parts still suck. Sharing about a huge portion of my healing process has been such an integral part of my healing, my life, and my soul. It has always been really necessary and important to be able to just put it all out there. So this has been particularly difficult to not be able to find the words to write or say. I am able to write more and post more and that has been very helpful, moving in the right direction I think and I am hoping, and I will continue to keep working on it.