Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse November 2014 Edition

The theme for this Edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is holidays; good childhood memories and difficult childhood memories, coping and grounding and self-soothe and comfort skills from the past, what works now, and what skills you are working at doing, and creating new holiday traditions.

Firstly, thank you so much to all those to submitted for this Edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. It was an honor to read and post about your submissions. Secondly, thank you to those of you who visit this Edition and who take the time to read, think, feel, and contemplate the submissions for this Edition.

Our Monthly Theme: Holidays

Memories of Holidays with My Family

Rainbow Gryphon shares extensively and with a high level of awareness and emotions of her experiences as a child and an adult at holiday times (Thanksgiving and Jewish holidays primarily), with dysfunctional family members and without. Her descriptions of the pervasive and oppressive emotional and negative environment were so accurate and detailed. I feel as though I was there. Actually I was, just in another home, with many similar emotionally abusive elements. You have shared and in some way our hearts joined together. Rainbow, what a fascinating piece of writing. Thank you so much for sharing.

Holidays are a Time for Boundaries

April Phelps Downey, from her blog Healing the Broken Parts One Word at a Time, submitted this post. A great post contemplating the issues around boundaries in adult settings with family of origin.

My (Kate’s)  contributions are:

A Thanksgiving Time Memory (An Ugly One)

This post has a trigger warning.

This is an ugly post about child sexual abuse, around Thanksgiving time, when I was eleven years old. I only rarely write these kinds of posts, but this memory is steeped, in my mind, with Thanksgiving time, and irrevocably linked to the holiday. Of course, towards the end of the post, I have to find the redeeming quality, and it is there. Please stay safe if you read this and take care of yourself if triggered.

A Thanksgiving Memory (A Bad One)

This post also covers the Thanksgiving time when I was eleven years old. The bad part of any holiday get-together with my older brothers in attendance would always include huge doses of verbal and emotional abuse. Still I was always able to find value in the variety and abundance of food. Healing from childhood abuse and developing boundaries still doesn’t always guarantee a safe and abuse free holiday environment. I’ve learned that life is an experiment in balance and functionality, especially with family of origin. Okay, bring it on.

A Thanksgiving Memory (A Good One)

This post is one of my favorite Thanksgiving holiday memories; from being eleven years old.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Holiday Coping for Survivors

I wrote this two years ago and really wanted to include it in this month’s Blog Carnival with the holiday theme. I wrote this post after many years of trying to find the right balance, coping and comfort skills to manage holiday seasons with and without my family. I hope that some of my suggestions are helpful and potentially healing.

I’ve also included links to three of my favorite resource pages on my blog, the three that I think relate the most to holidays, all the good and all the bad and how to cope with it all, how to manage your life better, how to use grounding/coping skills, self-soothing/comforting skills, and how to manage your holiday coping better than before and hopefully bringing more life, happiness, and healing to you and into the holiday season:

Holiday Coping

Grounding/Coping Skills

Self-Soothe/Comfort

In addition I am including three links to Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse Editions of the past that cover the holidays. I hope you can take some time and visit them as well.

November/December 2013 of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse (hosted at Kate is Rising)

Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse November 2011 Surviving Holidays Edition (hosted at From Tracie)

Mini Carnival: Holiday Survival Tips for Survivors 2009 (hosted at Survivors Can Thrive)

Please don’t forget we are now accepting submissions for the December Edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse from now until December 17th:

Submissions for December’s Edition

In the News

The Time I Was On TV Talking About Lena Dunham And Child Sexual Abuse

Tracie explains the context behind this television interview:

“I wrote a blog post for The New Agenda about Lena Dunham and the troubling passages in her memoir. That piece led to a television interview.”

It is my hope that everyone takes the opportunity to read Tracie’s excellent and important article and then watch the television interview she did on the issue of Lena Dunham. Excellent job Tracie. I so admire your courage and spunk.

John Grisham Accidentally Let Us Know Exactly What He Thinks About Child Pornography And Those Who Download It

Another one of Tracie’s best posts, in my opinion. Although she does many kinds of posts and many of them are enjoyed greatly by me, her posts on In the News topics on child abuse topics are riveting, in my opinion. I have to say I have told her this in an email, and I wanted to say it here. This woman has a mind and when she writes, she does her research and she is strong, intelligent, and compelling.

As upsetting and potentially triggering as it may be for me to learn about what is going on out there in the wider world, at times, it is an important part of healing and living; to know what the abusers and their allies are doing, saying, and believing. Bravo Tracie on another excellent post.

Survivor Stories

A Beyond Survivor’s Story: Poetic Healer and Spiritual Survival – Part 1

There are two wonderful posts from Dolores Miller; a survivor, a poet, and an activist. I could really relate to her connection to an archangel and giving herself the name Beautiful Warrior. I have a strong connection to my guardian angel as well and go by the nickname Kate@DragonWarrior.

I think that Dolores describes her post best with her first paragraph:

“I began writing poetry as a psychological release. I did not plan to write poetry, or to write at all, but as I was going through therapy to cope with suppressed memories of childhood sexual abuse. It was affecting my adult life and writing became the outlet through which I could best express my raw, often angry, emotions, and it turns out that poetry was the form that best fit my thoughts.”

Great paragraph and a great post. I hope everyone reads this.

A Beyond Survivor’s Story: Poetic Healer and Spiritual Survival – Part 2

Dolores shares more details of her childhood, her emergence of childhood abuse memories in adulthood, her therapy and therapist, and many ways that she worked on healing, especially writing poetry. Thanks so much Dolores for sharing your survivor story and of your courage in healing, in life, and now in activism.

November and December Posting, Blogging, and Blog Carnivalling

I have plans to be blogging a lot in November and December. And more in the new year than I have done this year.

I am glad that I managed to blog more last month, especially in the last half of the month. I really found it helpful and healing to write and post on the topics that I did. I always feel as though posting here on the blog helps me to think, feel, process, and heal on a huge number of topics.

I’m still struggling with writer’s block on a number of topics, but I will just keep writing. It is more difficult to write, but important that I do, even if it is flawed, even if I can’t explain things as well as I would like, even if things are very imperfect. I will continue with the struggle.

With that in mind I offered to host the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse for November and December. The upcoming holidays have given me a lot of ideas for a central theme for the blog carnival editions.

The theme for each of the months will be holidays; good childhood memories and difficult childhood memories, coping and grounding and self-soothe and comfort skills from the past, what works now, and what skills you are working at doing, and creating new holiday traditions.

I’m planning on writing myself about my own childhood experiences during the holiday season; the good, the bad, and the ugly. The holiday season still manages to bring each of the three types of holiday experiences my way each year. Because my frequently recurring dysfunctional holiday experiences, I wanted to try to make my blog full of the good, suggestions on avoiding the bad, and help and support when the ugly comes along or comes up from the past.

Since World Kindness Day and World Peace Day are November 13th and 17th, please also consider writing a post on kindness or peace as well and submitting them for the Blog Carnvial.  I am going to try to write posts for both days.

If you don’t have a blog or have a private blog you could submit a post directly to me and I can guest post it here on my blog. If you want to write on the holiday theme or any other and want to do a guest post, I can then include you in the Blog Carnival.

Submissions for either month can be done from today until the date of each Edition. Since I am hosting the Blog Carnival here at my blog for both months, you can submit for both months in the next few weeks, before the holiday season gets a hold of us all. You can also write some new posts on the holiday theme ideas or one of the other regular topics.

Submissions Form

November’s deadline will be November 21st and the Edition will be published late that evening.

December’s deadline will be December 17th and the Edition will be published late that evening.

Blog post submissions for the Blog Carnivals in November and December also include: child abuse survivor stories, art and poetry, art therapy, child abuse as a topic in the news media, as well as PTSD, disassociation, areas of aftermath and aftereffects of abuse, therapy, recovery, and healing from abuse, and, all forms of child advocacy and awareness.
Advocacy and Awareness
Aftermath
Healing and Therapy
In the News
Poetry
Survivor Stories
Art Therapy

Here is the link to make submissions:

Submissions Form

Message Boards, Business Websites & Business Blogs

I wanted to mention this, because it has been coming up fairly often as I am blogging. I do have some articles that I connect through a link on any number of my resource pages. I don’t recommend any of those businesses whether they are non-profits or not, even a few links to therapist websites, though I tend to avoid therapist blogs like the plague, and I would never link to a therapist blog.

Some links are to blogs on a topic of life and some are business blogs that the person uses in order to sell their products. I don’t recommend any of them and the sole purpose of the link is for the article that I directly link to. I am not recommending that you read other articles at the same website. I am just recommending this specific article.

I have several links to articles at a message board, but I don’t recommend the message boards, just the article. Over the years I have been a member of several message boards. I am not going to comment on my blog about specific message boards I have been at. There isn’t a message board, that I am aware of, that I would recommend to anyone, to a survivor or a secondary survivor.

I have several links to articles at a mother-daughter sexual abuse organization, I don’t recommend that website. I don’t recommend the message board there. There isn’t a message board that I would recommend to anyone.  What I am recommending is that the article might be worth reading and nothing else.

There isn’t a message board that I would recommend to anyone. If there was I would state that, this is a safe place to go and be a member in my opinion, if not, you can assume that I don’t recommend them.

If I don’t recommend a message board I believe the best phrase of caution would be let the buyer beware. Cautioning a buyer beware attitude to survivors and secondary survivors is what I believe is the best thing to do, whether it is a good site or safe site or not. I don’t have any specific links to message boards, just to articles posted on their parent sites.

If you think that you are not a purchaser of a message board, even if it is free, you would be wrong. I used to think that free support groups were really free, until I was damaged, used, abused and hurt by members, breaking my ability to trust others and to trust myself to discern a safe person. The same would be true of my experiences at message boards.

There was a message board, run by a woman, for survivors of abuse who have Dissociative Identity Disorder, but I was too damaged at the time to trust others there and it was difficult to post, since I was new and got few responses, which was devastating to me. After being abused and wounded it was difficult to build friendships up again. Unfortunately that board closed down some time ago, when I was still struggling through my issues, or I would highly recommend it.

Please use caution when participating at any message board you choose. I recommend checking out my Resource page where there are 40 pages of resources, non-profit organizations, articles, and healing support for survivors of child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault, domestic violence, and dealing with the aftermath of child sexual abuse.

I recommend  you look over grounding/coping links and  self-soothe/comfort links and learn some of those techniques as well. I recommend you work on learning and establishing boundaries.

I recommend good and healing thoughts to you all.

More Antibiotic

I’m almost through my second dosing of antibiotic.

On Monday I felt much worse again. By Wednesday I was trying to get into the doctor. On Thursday I finally got my medication and tomorrow is my last dose for the five day dosing antibiotic that I have. It is supposed to stay in your body for another five days and continue working on healing.

I don’t normally get sinus infections. Someone infected me. They knew they were sick, but they didn’t stay home. That is the thing about living in a house with someone else, they get sick and their family and friends get sick and they don’t care about infecting others.

I was just getting better when I got sick again. I think I should have gone around the house and disinfected all the doorknobs, stair rail, etc, so I don’t get it a third time.

I’ll be glad when I am living alone once again, probably in six months. It will stop a huge transmission of disease. For that is a huge thing for me, with my compromised ability to fight off disease.

I’m trying to learn from this being sick process. I want to do better at taking care of myself and I want to be healthier. Even if I don’t see an improvement I want to continue with my efforts. I see improvements, but being sick brings me back a few steps and that is a challenge to cope with.

Being disconnected from my body and dissociative means that I have big issues around health and doing good self-care on health issues, made worse by the huge swings in my health and wellness. Being sick recently has been an opportunity for me to slowly teach myself how to figure out my health and limitations levels as they change and to work on acknowledging them, accepting them, and living within them while improving them with tender loving care.  

Tender loving care… an idea that is taking root in me.

Being Sick

I hate, hate having an ear infection. It is one of those times when I can’t really do much of anything. And I hate that. I can’t usually read a lot when sick, sometimes not at all, and my life kind of revolves around reading and writing.

Normally when I am sick, I am an overachiever and don’t take care of myself well. I usually do more work when sick than when not. I am trying to change that, but still I hate having an ear infection.

I have been working on taking better care of myself while sick. I sleep when I can. I take my meds. I take aspirin. I make sure my room temp is good for me for sleeping, a few degrees lower and I tend to get sicker, so I have to remember to set the space heater just right, so I wake up feeling better, rather than worse. I eat right. I’ve been eating more fruit and that helps me when I am sick. I use the essential oils. I’ve been watching cartoons. I’ve been listening to more classical music, it helps me feel better. I’ve also been listening to youtube videos, of rain and relaxing music. It is helping.

More things that I should be doing:

Use my crystals.

Do Reiki.

Take naps.

Drink tea.

Think loving and healing thoughts to myself.

Today

Woke up in the middle of the night, all dizzy and nauseous, unable to sit up well. Knew it right away, I have an inner ear infection. There were signs of it coming along, but those signs are similar to other issues so I don’t really know until I start getting dizzy and nauseous.

I had been having headaches, but sometime the other medication I was taking over the weekend gives me headaches. Not sleeping well or enough the last five days or so. I had been forgetting obvious things, mind a little more distracted than usual. I knew that I was not well. Yesterday I woke up with my left ear hurting, but that can happen if my pillow slips out from me or isn’t plumped up enough before going to sleep. I was feeling more pain, but injured my knee a few days ago. Sometimes figuring stuff out is a hard thing, except when the dizziness comes I know what has been going on all along.

Taking it easy. Took some anti-motion sickness medication in the middle of the night and thank goodness for that. I slept as much as possible. I used some lavender essential oil on a cotton ball with some hydrogen peroxide and rubbed it around my ear and throat.  I gargled with hydrogen peroxide, that always helps. I used the peppermint essential oil to do my five breaths exercise. It is good when my stomach is upset, which is something that can happen when I get an ear infection.

I’m going to use some diluted tea tree essential oil on my throat and by both ears. Both oils are great for dealing with infections.

I will try to do some more self-care and comforting things today. I really need to look over some of the grounding and comforting articles I have listed on my Resources page and start making a list of my own. I’ll try to do some of that today, cause I need some good ideas that I don’t have to think of on my own. I’ll post about how that all goes.