My New Year’s Resolutions

I looked over what I posted to the blog the last three years. I didn’t remember them in as much detail as I thought I had, so it was good to have the reminder.

2010

2011

2012

I suppose many of the same goals are present in my mind this year. But I’m going to do something different this year. I’m going to try to be as specific about what I want to do, not just have more fun, or to look at the stars or to do more activities, but also what kind of activities and how I want to engage with them.

Some things I do now, but I want to encourage myself into doing them more often. Some things I don’t do right now, but want to and have wanted to get started for some time. So some of my goals are to do some activities every day, once a week or once a month; depending on how active I can be, how much I am already doing the activity, and how much it is possible where I live right now (this includes the home space as well as the distance and effort it might take to take part in the activity somewhere else). I am trying to build in a way that I encourage myself, push myself creatively, while giving myself permission to do less without building up more bad feelings about myself.

Word of the Year: Sunny

Phrase of the Year: Keep Reaching. Thanks David. 🙂

Three word summary on Healing: Walk Your Path

Read. (Every day, if possible.)

Last year I read 107 books, the year before 100, and the year before that over 200, because I was lacking a tv, or dvd player. I love reading but it is a discipline and I have to remind myself to read, especially when there are so many other things I can now do online and watch on tv and the dvd player and especially since my health issues have gotten so much worse. Reading is a priority that I want to fit into my schedule.

Read children’s books. This is something The Littles love to do! I have been remiss this past year. At Christmas time we did do more books and they loved that. But I need to be more diligent for them.

Bike. (Every day, wheather and health permitting.)

Christmas. As my lovely friend Granny told me in one of my comments from my post Thanksgiving Was Great, “I say enjoy any holiday any time you can. If you want to celebrate Christmas all year round – go for it! Whatever works for you works.”

So I resolved to do Christmas year round this year. After Epiphany I took down and packed up most of the decorations. But I left several really great things out still, including the decorated Christmas bush. I still have the Christmas coloring books out after coloring this month. I’ve watched some Christmas dvds and listened to some Christmas music so far this month. I want to make some Christmas crafts. I hope to be able to do a lot more once I move and have some more space than just my bedroom to move around and do things, doing crafts takes more space.

Music. Every day, if at all possible.

Singing, love it. Don’t do enough of it. Try to do it every day.

Move, dance. Every day, if at all possible.

Walk and exercise. As often as possible. I am using my treadmill and doing some exercises that help strengthen my legs and core.

Fun and laughter. We love those things and our life is not nearly full to bursting of those things. Right now I am exploring how to purposely bring more of it into our life.

Adventure. My lovely new friend Liz wrote about adventure for the New Year on her post Ring out the Old, Ring in the New. Yes adventure! I have to have that as a goal for this new year. I am planning on exploring and provoking adventure in my life, lol, and plan on doing one outside activity as an adventure each month and one activity for an online adventure. I’ll be reporting about that through the year.

Museums. I would like to go once a month. Last year I only went once and wonderfully it was with a friend, but this month I have gone to a wonderful exhibition and with a friend. I already have plans for another visit in a few months and want to think of another thing to go to before then.

Photography. We are finally doing this 🙂 and want to continue doing more.

Zoos. We have two zoos here in my area. They are both quite a ways away, but when the weather is warmer I am planning on going to both of them with my bike, so that I can ride the trails to see all the larger animals who live outside in warmer weather.

Friends and support. Be more present for online friends, as much as I am able. It is nice that my health is improving so that now I can do more rather than just wish to do more and hope that things will improve. Read new blogs and reach out more to those that I like. Seek new places and activities where I can find people that I will find resonance with and who might be more receptive to me.

Be as open as possible with them about how much you want the contact and what it means to me. I have trouble with this sometimes. I have always thought it was better not to ask for what I didn’t have, because then at least I wouldn’t get as directly and as personally rejected. I thought that it would hurt too much to be this honest on this level with others. But it hurts so much more to feel alone most of the time. This issue also calls for safety, boundaries, functionality, caution, and developing something with someone as time goes on. And I am going to keep reaching.

Do creativity. Every day. I want to try to remind myself to focus my attention on the fact that I already do certain things creatively, I just need to put my intention there and focus on it while doing some things that I do that are creative. It is an honoring and an acknowledgement to help me get out of feeling stuck creatively. If I can keep reminding myself that I am indeed creative in how I move through the world and live my life, then I have overcome the block that I am stuck and that I can’t do creative fun and creative work right now. It’s not true. I am doing them right now. I just want to do them more.

Write children’s books. We have wanted to do that for a long time. I will try to post what I have been doing once I get started.

Do creative projects. Once or month or once a week once I start doing more.

Collage projects. I love doing collage. It is one of my mediums that brings me true joy. Once a month or once a week as things start moving in a better direction in my life, moving and getting settled into my own place.

Poetry/writing. I have sort of been blocked from doing much in the last few years. If only I had knew that would be a consequence, that my creative work would be stalled in many ways, I never would have moved to live with anyone else. I have reached out to someone who is forming a group and there is a possibility of joining his poetry/writing group when it gets started. Not sure how this will go, but here is the thing. I know what I don’t want. I know what I won’t tolerate. I know what my boundaries are. I’ve already experienced that in a group. No matter what I need more practice doing connectedness while interacting with others. Group experiences like this will be good for me to continue attempting.

Combat clutter. Clutter is one of those things that gets in the way of my life and of doing everything. Clutter blocks up energy. But it is an old coping skill from my childhood when I needed to block up a lot of the energy that was negative, bad, destructive, and abusive. Having a small living space here means that it is so easy for clutter to get a foot hold. One bump and a whole pile of papers go tumbling, creating clutter if I don’t deal with it all promptly. It’s hard to still have to be living out of boxes, but  a lot of stuff still has to live in boxes until I move. I have gone through many of the boxes, donating some things, repacking most, and taking out some things I really want around me, special books, movies, and healing things. I still have more boxes to go through.

Puzzles. The Littles love to do puzzles. I buy them from used stores and we have quite a lot of them right now. Once a month or more.

Coloring books. I know I’ve written about this issue in December. At least once a month.

Dollies and stuffies. I often forget to put them near me when I am on the computer and often don’t get up for them while working when someone wants to snuggle one. Right now a bunny and a dolly are within arm’s reach. That is the way it should be.

Play games. This is a tough one, but I am hoping that I find new friends who like to play board games.

Healing. If you know me at all, you are probably thinking well even just saying it is kind of redundant. It is sort of what I do in addition to breathing in and out. But it is important for me to do more intentional healing work on my childhood. I usually do one huge project a year; like connectedness two years ago and then pack leader/body energy last year. I see that there are many issues I would like to be more intentional and put focus on them this year. But also I am willing to be guided by my intuition and my spiritual guides as I get information. I think this will get much better and easier once I have my own home space where I don’t have to share the noise, energy, and life of others in it. And energy space of my own is something that has proven to be important to me.

Reiki energy healing work. This year has already showed me how much I can do, if I only can just get focused and do. I am really heartened and encouraged at all that I have seen and been able to experience lately in this healing work and am so very very excited about it all. I am a healer.

I have already done four Reiki healing sessions for others and two for myself this month. I have plans on working on myself with Reiki a lot this month and probably for months. My Reiki sessions on myself have been wonderfully powerful and I feel a huge amount of damage falling away from me. That is so lovely.

I am also more connected to my Reiki Masters (Teachers) lately and can ask them advice and for feedback on what I am going through and that is very encouraging and mood boosting.I really need that. One of my Reiki Masters is talking to me about perhaps taking Rainbow Reiki classes. I guess I have to think about that, I think the answer is maybe. There is also the possibility of joining a group for Reiki shares, where Reiki people meet and do healing work on one another. I want to do that a lot, so long as there isn’t an abusive member. If there is, then I won’t be there.

I would also so much like to finally hook up with some other drummers, especially for a women’s drum circle, if that can happen, I would be very happy indeed. I have a drum, but I just don’t use it. What I have concluded recently is that I need to do more Reiki healing first before working with the drum. So I am working on that.

I am planning on finishing up my fourth level class for Karuna Reiki, the compassion Reiki. For those of you who know me,  you can probably guess I kind of ran at the idea of classes that were specifically for compassion for others and healing them, especially for child abuse issues.

I have joined a few meetup groups that meet locally and am really hoping and excited about the possibilities of fun, connections, adventure, and joy that attending some good groups might bring. Mostly that will have to wait for another couple of months for nicer weather. If nothing else I will keep reaching.

What do I want for others this year, blog friends and others that I love?

To quote Michael Buble in his version of Feliz Navidad, I wish you love and joy.

Home Again, Tests Done

I’m home again. The tests are done. So happy about that.

The doctor took samples for testing for H Pylori and Celiac’s Disease (which should not show up from the test because I have avoided gluten for over three years, so why would there be damage there?). He said it doesn’t look like there is Celiac’s Disease and I explained to him again that I have been gluten free for over three years, so I would have expected there to be healing. He said well the time for blood testing for that is when you are still eating that. And I explained to him again that my other doctor refused to take my issues seriously and so I decided to do the gluten free diet on my own. They removed a polyp, there will be testing and I’ll know results in about a week.)

He said I have a mild case of hiatal hernia. He was unconcerned about that, said lose more weight, as though that is the only way to make it better, no diet suggestions were offered. Fortunately I know about that and have modified my own diet. (Yes well I am glad that it has improved since October, it has been months of food eliminations. I still can’t eat my favorite foods or basically anything that is good, and that doesn’t seem a mild issue to me.)

I have mild diverticulosis/diverticulitis. and duodenitis. He said there was gastritis, and he gave me a prescription for that) and they all quizzed me on was I using any pain meds, no I’m not and I’m not overusing them either. I don’t think that they’ve been believing me on that, cause each person I see there asked me several times. I don’t use pain meds of any kind.I’m glad that my stomach issues have improved all these months I’ve been waiting for tests, as well. But whatever the cause it is not from recent medication use. If I have H Pylori this could be the cause. (I had H Pylori five years ago and my doctor says it is possibly a recurrence.) We’ll know in a week or so. I really would have preferred having that test done in November, but got shuttled over to the specialist and waiting for almost three months for testing.

Now we wait for the results and then make another appointment to a doctor, which one depends on what the results say. So glad this is all over with. It went well. I gave myself Reiki energy healing yesterday and today and I think that helped me a lot to feel better, to lessen my anxiety, and to get me through the special diet and prep for the test.

Making Plans

I wanted to say to my online friends how much you all mean to me here. I know that I’ve said it before, but I wanted to say you all mean so much to me. I don’t do healing work easily or well when I am alone. I do it best when I am in community. Community is very important to me. I wouldn’t be where I am in healing if it wasn’t for each of you. You all mean so much to me.

Here is the thing; in the last four months I have gone to two museums with a friend. I haven’t been able to do that for years. I have gotten out about once a month to see a movie in a theater. So as desperate and alone as I am feeling, I have to keep reminding myself that I am making baby and important steps towards where I want to be in my life.

My health issues continue to improve. That helps me to be able to be more active and to do more and to make plans. Once I am done with the tests on Wednesday I will probably rest up a couple of days and start looking for a new place to live, because I have to move in about four months or so, and it is unfortunate but that might take up a lot of my energy that I would prefer not to, but I probably have to move by May. I am biking more miles, on average, a lot more. I am taking out my camera more and taking photos more and started posting to my blog. This is all huge for me.

I spent some time yesterday making some plans on some things I would like to do in the near future. I’ve written some activities down and hope that I can do at least some of these things. I’ve done this in the past and unfortunately couldn’t do any of the things several winters in a row, due to winter conditions, but also due to health issues. I hate when that happens.

I am exploring joining a newly forming writer/poetry group. I’m not sure about this. It is definitely something that I have wanted to do for a huge amount of time. I actually did try that in the past and it went very very bad and I will try to write about that experience in the near future and post it. So I am very hesitant. It would have to be run by someone who managed the group very good and made a very safe space and where I could feel comfortable and where my mostly abuse writing could be acceptable. I’ve experienced where it was not and I am unwilling to repeat that ever again. I won’t ever accept being mistreated in the context of creative work again. So for me it really depends on this person and what kind of person they are.

When I think of all my plans what I keep coming back to is that I live much too far out in the suburbs, way too far, to be able to do things that would be very manageable in the winter if only I was living in a place in Minneapolis, especially south Minneapolis, which is really the area I would like to live in the most. I also think that this is the area I want to live in for doing my healing work and for connecting to others on the basis of Reiki and energy healing and possible interactions and friendships. So this is my big hope. I am having trouble believing that all the good things will come to me, so if you can believe and hope for me, please do and that will be great and will really help me, because I could really use all the hope and belief that I can get right now.

I Am A Healer, Oh Yeah

I have been doing some Reiki distance healing one-on-one sessions for a friend. (What is Reiki?) I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Several things blocked me and got in my way of doing them.

First I wasn’t sure if what I thought I could do was possible long distance. I wanted to do intense Reiki healings for others. But for the time being many of the people that I’ve wanted to help heal don’t live near me. That’s the thing about making friends online, it is great to have someone, but it is painful that they aren’t closer. I’ve done healing sessions for others and it was powerful. I believe that I am gifted, though I vacillated on that for a long time.

Second although I am a Reiki teacher I don’t teach and I don’t do a lot of Reiki healing energy sessions. I mostly do Reiki distance healing, which is when you have a list of friends, loved ones, family, etc that you do a short Reiki distance session for, about five to ten minutes a day and this short session sends each person Reiki every hour for the next 24 hours. A short session is often all that I can do. I love to send my friends, especially my survivor friends, healing energy. Yes it is effective, but I wanted to do more. I wanted to someday help clients to do deep intense healing.

Thirdly I don’t usually do more because of my health issues. My hands, neck, and shoulders can get worse and often do. So I get hesitant and concerned. My health has positively increased incrementally for some time and I was now well enough to return to the exploring of the possibility.

Fourthly I am realizing and acknowledging recently that on an unconscious level I still believe that I am unworthy, due to my mother’s many abuses of me. I wish that wasn’t so, from the bottom of my heart. I wish that all the damage from her was gone, healed. Because of that I think that I was stuck in procrastination. If I didn’t do anything, I couldn’t confirm or deny the old beliefs lies. Here’s the thing, now I know. I am worthy. I always knew I was a healer, but doubted my worthiness.

I am a healer.

Healer della donna.

Healer of women.

I am so happy.:) I had thought that I could do a very good job with this. I was right. I am a healer. I always knew, but now I know how good I am. 🙂 I am so happy that I am helping my best friend to heal. I am going to help others too.

When I became a Reiki student five years ago I heard several students talking about how you shouldn’t call yourself a healer, that is for someone else to say. They said  you shouldn’t call yourself a healer, that is prideful, that is wrong.

I am a healer. I am so proud.

I Would Kiss You, But You’re Too Vapid

Lol.

I was talking with my friend Eric on the phone recently. He reminded me of the phrase, I would kiss you, but you’re too vapid. I had said it.

He was visiting last summer. We had a great lunch, at one of my favorite places. Then we walked over to the nearby lake. We were sitting out by the lake on the grass. It was a lovely day. Lots of people were coming and going around the area. We sat in the shade and talked. He did some reiki healing work on me and we talked some more.

The phrase is funny, I have to admit, even taken out of context. I was talking about some guy, sorry I can’t remember what guy I was referring to. Lol. But right when I said it a couple were walking by behind me and overheard what I said.

Eric wanted them to know, I wasn’t saying it about him. No, I wasn’t. Lol. Really, very nice strangers, he is a nice guy. Yes, really, someone well worth kissing.

No, he’s not vapid. If he was we couldn’t be friends. If he was vapid, he wouldn’t want me. If he was vapid, I couldn’t make a friendship with him. I like my men tasty.

I talk like that, really I do, but remembering it only made me laugh and think for several hours of summer. That was excellent.

Drumming

I have a thing about drumming, always have. I’ve never had a drum, but always wanted to have one. Recently I bought a remo buffalo drum, for reiki drumming. It’s 3 1/2 inches thick and 12 inches in diameter. It is still in the mail, but I am really looking forward to it.

I was surfing wordpress blogs today and came across a drum online. You type and drum sounds and other sounds come out. So far I really like the sounds from h and e and when I type kate.

Drum Kit

Thanks Elle, at Being Elle, for the link. 🙂

Paths of Healing 1

Essential Oils:

AromaWeb

What is Aromatherapy

Essential Oil Safety Information

Essential Oils Guide

Essential Oils Guide: Aromatherapy Essential Oils

What Are Carrier Oils?

Aromatic Blending

Therapeutic Blending

Aromatherapy and Oil Diffusers

Aromatherapy for Emotional Well-Being

Aromatherapy and Insomnia

Essential Oils for the Mind

Essential Oils for the Body

Essential Oils for Spirituality (Includes Suggestions of Oils for Grounding, Cleansing, Gratitude, Grief)

Meditating With Essential Oils

Praying With Essential Oils

Essential Oils to Cleanse, Purify, and Combat Negativity

Smudging:

Smudging

Native American Smudging Rituals

Reiki:

The International Center for Reiki

What is Reiki?

How Does Reiki Heal?

Reiki and the Healing Drum

Distant Healing and Human Etheric Field

Reiki and the Shadow Self

Crystals and Stones:

Crystals and Gemstones (Including a Listing of Uses)

Crystal Dictionary of Metaphysical Meanings

Animal Totems/Guides:

Animal Totems

How to Find Your Animal Totem

Finding Your Totem Animal

Discovering Your Animal Totems

Introduction to Animal Guides

Spirit Guides:

How to Meet Your Spirit Guides

Drumming:

Why is Drumming Healing?

The Physical and Emotional Effects of Drumming

Spirit of Drummers: Drummers Speak on Drumming

What is a Drum Jouney?

What is a Community Drum Circle?

Meditation:

Mudras: Meditation in Your Hands

Dance:

Finding Relationship to Rhythm

Dancing to a Different Drum

An Interview with Gabrielle Roth

Mine is a Dancing Path (Interview with Gabrielle Roth)

The 5 Rythyms Video by Gabrielle Roth