Here I Am

Hello beloveds,

I’ve missed you all. Waves, jumps up and down, and smiles a lot to you all.

There have been a lot of reasons that I haven’t been around here and on my netbook. It sucks and won’t update and I’ve tried lots of stuff and really really don’t want to pay money to have it working properly. It is so exasperating. Finally I have gotten it to update some of my updates, though it just won’t do things right. My windows 10 updates are the worst. This all started in April, when windows was supposedly not going to support use online without updates, and have continued to frustrate and enrage me. I keep trying and some things are working, though the worst is when it won’t update because it says that there isn’t room on my device, which outrages me cause I don’t have anything else on this crappy machine but what it came with, so there definitely should be room for windows 10 updates on it. From what I have read online, this is a glitch issue, and I do workaround that by updates from the settings page instead of the windows 10 update assistant, which is  the worst.

Aside from all of that I find that I don’t have a lot of patience for anything anymore, what with tRump in office. My PTSD has been very challenging these last two years and I am very triggery thanks to that big ass, big racist, and big misogynist in office. I suppose that I am doing better since the day after the election this week, but he always finds an evil way to show hate zillions of times a day.

My nurse prescriber retired and moved out of town so the clinic I go to referred me to someone in the clinic. I saw him recently and like him a lot. I was asked if I would prefer to see someone who was a nurse or a psychiatrist and I said loudly, I would like to see a psychiatrist. I feel really comfortable with a male psychiatrist and I think that was a good move on my part. I had a male nurse at the previous clinic and long ago saw a male psychiatrist and liked him a lot.

It was kind of odd because he said that the nurse had questioned my PTSD diagnosis and he wanted to know what I believed. I said, “Oh yes I have always believed that I have PTSD.” Hey it’s not like I don’t have plenty of very valid other diagnoses. It was kind of hilarious and at the same exact time, not at all hilarious and very disturbing. I guess I didn’t talk to her much about those specific symptoms each time that I saw her and especially since I do not have any medications that specifically are not related to my other issues of depression and anxiety. Though to be honest I don’t see how you can present with issues and diagnoses of depression and anxiety and being a childhood sexual abuse survivor and not get a quick and easy diagnosis of PTSD. Also I don’t think that they use Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder enough. Aside from that puzzling issue, I liked him a lot. He also gave me his office hours for Wednesdays and said that if I needed to or wanted to I could do drop-in hours every week. That made me feel so good and like I had someone on my side. A good feeling.

I’ve been going semi-regularly to the same therapist. Only semi cause of my health issues. I had a bad summer, getting three sinus infections while living in the air conditioning. That has improved and I am very happy about that. I got lots of self-care done, and that was great.

I’ve been taking the higher dose of levothyroxine, the synthetic hormone, for my thyroid disease for six months and things continue to improve all around, except for weight issues. Still being sick so much means that I don’t get out and exercise much, so I tend to gain and not lose during those time periods in my life. I am doing more and getting out more and walking more, so that is all good. And sleeping more and deeper and better. I’ll write more about all of that in the near future.

I’ve been hanging around blogs more and reading more and starting to leave small comments. I plan on being much more involved and I am hoping that my health improvements will contribute to my abilities to do so.

See you all soon, beloveds. We love yous.


Healing Quotes Littles 1053

“When I was a little girl who didn’t fit in, I read ‘Julie of the Wolves’ and decided that running away to live with a wolfpack was a really great life plan, and to be honest I’m starting to wish I hadn’t grown out of the idea.”

~ Myrrh, @ixis82

Healing Quotes Teens 1031

On Fox New’s show with Tucker Carlson:
Fabio: “You go down to the library, it’s like Soddam and Gomorrah. It’s like, sex, drugs, and rock and roll.”
Tucker Carlson: “In the library?!?”
Fabio: “In the library!”

Healing Quotes Littles 1052

“There were so many books on so many shelves, I knew I could live to be old without coming to the end of them. The sound of pages turning was the sound of magic. The dry liquid feel of paper under fingertips was what magic felt like.”

~ Emma Donoghue

Healing Quotes Teens 1030

Overheard: “I wish there was a Netflix or Spotify for books.
Library. The thing that  your looking for is a library.”
~ Jenna Guillaume, @JennaGuillaume

Healing Quotes Littles 1051

“Read widely, and without apology. Read what you want to read, not what someone tells you you should read.”

~ Joyce Carol Oates

Healing Quotes Teens 1029

“Knowledge sets us free, art sets us free. A great library is freedom.”

~ Ursula K. Le Guin

Healing Quotes Littles 1050

“He said, ‘Books or me.” I sometimes remember him when I’m buying new books.”

~ Unknown

Healing Quotes Teens 1028

“It is thanks to my evening reading alone that I am still more or less sane.”
~ W.G. Sebald

Healing Quotes Littles 1049

“My book doesn’t want me to get out of bed.”

~ Dull & Wicked, @dullandwicked