“You don’t have to be perfect. With mental health problems, it’s hard to function at 100% all the time. It’s okay to be at 80%, or 50%, or 20% on some days.
Do your best, but let the past be the past and forgive yourself if you don’t get everything done that you would like.
You can do this. And if there’s some things you can’t, that’s okay. You’re still awesome.”
~ Depression Resource Blog
I have a particular fondness for Michael the Archangel. So each year I try to remember his feast day and to do something nice for myself, have a nice meal, take a nice bike ride, sit out in the sun, remind myself that I am loved, and that the angels protect me.
A relative in my extended family recently died. I love him very much. Having to experience the death and loss of a loved one who is much younger than you is so difficult.
For some years I had really wished that we could be spending more time together. It was an old family pattern that I was not successful in connecting up with family members to spend time with, even those who were not emotionally abusive. After excluding some emotional and verbal abusers from my life about five years ago, and refusing to go to family gatherings because of that reason, I didn’t see some of my extended family at all. I wanted to, but I have only found limited success in those desires and efforts.
So I’ve missed him terribly. And now he is gone. A relative told me this week that he had loved me very much. That I knew. I loved him very much as well. He was a sweet hearted boy who grew up to be a sweet hearted man. His sweet gentleness never failed to touch me and to make my life happier and more healed. What else I got told is that he had always felt a deep connection to me and expressed that to others. I didn’t know he felt that. I know now. It makes the loss feel deeper. I miss him.
“No matter what happens, no matter how far you seem to be away from where you want to be, never stop believing that you will somehow make it. Have a unrelenting belief that things will work out, that the long road has a purpose, that the things that you desire may not happen today, but they will happen. Persist and persevere, your desired path remains possible.”
~ Brad Gast
I wasn’t planning on having an egg salad sandwich, and even though I love them, I only rarely make them. Eggs just tend to sit around in my fridge, but I figure eventually I have to use them.
Some time ago I bought a little device for boiling eggs in the microwave. I love it. But I don’t do it much. So today I decided to cook some eggs.
When they were done I was deciding what to do with them. Most of the time I just eat them with some salt, which I think is pretty great. But as I was deciding at the kitchen counter today I thought of making egg salad and so I did. I ate it with some corn bread. I had a little celebration meal. It was wonderful.
It wasn’t until afterwards that I remembered one of my posts based on an overheard conversation. A woman on the bus was talking about her partner and how he did anything for her that she wanted, even to getting up and making her an egg salad sandwich when she wants it. I remembered at the end of the post that I wrote that it made me hungry for an egg salad sandwich and a man to make it for me.
Then I remembered this quote I had first heard when I was in my mid-twenties:
“So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.”
~ Jorge Luis Borges
Or egg salad sandwiches.