I’m Reviewing My Situation

For the last three months I have been reviewing grounding techniques. Over the years I’ve found some that work really good, some that work a little, some that do not work at all and feel uncomfortable, some that do the opposite and are incredibly triggering, and some that do not work at all and that I find loathesome and hateful.

The purpose of grounding is to make us feel safer, more connected. I really have to say that I have not found a huge amount of grounding through the common methods.

I’m going to do a review of grounding methods and post about that soon, as well as sharing why some things seem wrong, bad, or triggering to me and how they might not be the best things for others.  

I’m going to try to do this in small portions, so that I don’t have to write a huge amount that seems to be a huge meal, that no one will find helpful and neither will I. I’m not writing a book here on grounding, I’m going to do it in small snack sized portions so I can focus on specific issues and finding better solutions.

The process in the last few months has found me getting some great ideas and I’m working on developing and refining them, and I’ll post about that as well.

P.S. I’m reviewing my situation is lyrics from the movie Oliver, from a song sung by Fagin, a thief, who takes in orphan and lost kids, turning them into pickpocket thieves. Lol, yes I want to influence others, just not to the dark side.

Holiday Coping

Survivor Resource Pages (Forty pages of resources, non-profit organizations, articles, and healing support for survivors of child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault, domestic violence, and dealing with the aftermath of child sexual abuse.)

Grounding/Coping Skills

Self-Soothe/Comfort Skills

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Holiday Coping for Survivors

Holiday Traditions Old & New

An Adult Child Abuse Survivor’s Guide to the Holidays

Holiday Happiness

Surviving the Holidays: Making a List

The New Year’s Resolution Solution

Survivors and Christmas

Survivors Coping With the Holidays

Help Getting Through the Holidays

Shutting Down to Get Through the Holidays

Getting Past the Memories (Holidays)

5 Strategies for Going Home for the Holidays

How to Have a Stress Free Holiday Season

Ten Tips for Coping With Holiday Stress

50 Ways to Find Serenity During the Holidays

50+ Ways to Beat the Holiday Blues

PTSD and Holidays

Give Yourself a Gift

Coping with Holiday Stress

How to Deal With Holiday Stress

Holiday Stress Survival Kit: Strategies to Help You Relax and Enjoy Yourself

Coping with the Holiday Season: Be True to Your Heart

About.com’s Article: Holiday Stress Survival Tips

About.com’s Article: Managing Holiday Stress (focusing on BPD)

About.com’s Page of Holiday Survival Guide Articles

Handling Holiday Stress- 10 Tips for Singles

Tips for Singles on Surviving (and Enjoying) the Holidays

FamilyFun’s Website for Kid’s Seasonal Craft Projects

Shades of Ivory’s Blog Entry: Share Your Christmas with Me!

Kerro’s Korner’s Blog Entry: Recipes for Ivory

My Blue Funk’s Blog Entry: Christmas Lights and Feeling Alive

Here In My World’s Blog Entry: Some things I love

My Blog Entry: Bliss List #11 (Christmas Carols)

My Blog Entry: Holiday Joy

If you find an article or blog post or write one on these topics, please feel free to post a link to this post in a comment. Good and healing thoughts to us all.

Getting Back in the Groove

I am working on getting back in the groove. Think I am far away from the groove. I’m still so tired out and when I think about working on the healing issues I don’t feel much and I am always needing to deal with something else and so my lists are pretty much waiting for me to come back to them. I want to write up my final list of nurturing things, but really can’t deal with that yet, because for me the list is about joy and play and I am far away from those feelings right now. I hope to be closer to that tomorrow or the next day and write up my list. Just need some more sleep time before that.

Nurturing Yourself #3

How have I nurtured myself recently?

I ride my bike.

I have dolls.

I have stuffed animals.

I read.

I read kid’s books.

I watch healing and silly shows and movies.

I listen to music.

I sing.

I do creative things.

I go out in nature.

I watch for stars and look out for planets.

I hold rocks.

I go to libraries and bookstores.

I go shopping for used books and bargains.

I blog and read other blogs.

I use The Woman’s Comfort Book by Jennifer Louden for ideas of things to do.

I use Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy and Romancing the Ordinary by Sarah Ban Breathnach for ideas of things to do.

Nurturing Yourself Part 2

Many of us received little or no nurturing when we were very young. You may even have a hard time conceiving of the idea. But learning to take care of youself is at the core of healing…

Even if you don’t do much to take care of yourself right now, you started out trying to comfort yourself when you were a child. Although you may have done things that had hurtful aspects, you did find ways to make yourself feel better. Some of those ways may still be helpful to you today.

From The Courage to Heal Workbook.

The three parts of this chapter that I will focus on  are: how did I nurture myself as a child, ask others how they nurture themselves, and using the above answers start compiling a list of things I want to do to nurture myself now.

How did I nurture myself as a child:

I used to take a leaf off a tree and hold it.

Pick dandelions and hold them.

I used to collect rocks.

I had a doll.

I would swing and spin.

I would go for walks, especially going barefoot and walking on grass.

I would read.

I would sing to myself.

I would make up little silly songs.

I would eat food outside.

I would watch catepillars and later in the season butterflies; and fireflies late at night.

I would look at big books about animals with lots of pictures.

I would jump rope.

I would stare at the stars at night.

I would ride a bike.

Go swimming.

I would play with my brothers.

I would daydream.

I would listen to music; especially 1960s rock and roll, rhythm and blues, blues, and classical music.

 

So what did you do as a young child to nurture yourself?

Some Definitions

Before writing more about nurturance I wanted to set up some definitions to describe what I am referring to when I write about self-care, skills-care, comfort, and nurturing yourself. I know that sometimes the words are interchangeable and sometimes I do that too. I consider all four types of activities parts of healing, but also essential parts of life.

However, in my healing process, I have developed certain definitions for different things that I do for myself. It helps me to do more of all types of actions for myself. It helps me to have a clearer idea of what is good for myself and how to do them. So here they are:

Self-care: the things that I do to care for my body and health care. They are sometimes daily things like brush teeth, shampoo hair, eat healthy, physical activity. They are sometimes not so common like doctor visits, learning about health issues online and in books, etc. Sometimes they are things I try to do daily and don’t always get around to like use lotion, use essential oils, do Reiki, etc. I always find myself challenged in the extreme to do these things. They are rarely fun and often difficult. They are projects. I wish they didn’t feel that way, but they often do. (For reclaiming my body through body care and maintenance.)

Skills-care: Learning, practicing, and using new life skills, coping skills, and anything else that comes up in life and survivorhood, dealing with self and interacting with others, including survivor and non=survivor issues. Self-esteem, boundaries, etc. (It is for reclaiming my life in relationship to self and to others.)

Comfort: things that I specifically do when I am triggered. I often find comfort from self-care and from nurturing myself. However comfort is something that I think of as what I do when I am in a bad place and need immediate comfort and actions that make me feel better. It might take some time to calm down and feel better. But it is skills I use that bring me comfort when I am scared, triggered, upset, abused, and in need of help to return to a more balanced, more healthy space. So I guess it is not so much the activity, but rather the circumstance that makes them comfort. (For reclaiming myself during triggering and upset times.)

Nurturing: this is the other stuff that I do to nurture myself in any way. Not when I am upset and not something to do that just takes care of my body or me when I am triggered and upset. Nurturing can have a wide range of things and a wide range of enjoyment, from play to fun to silly; from loud, to serious to contemplative and quiet. I have quite a few examples to post tomorrow about what works good for me and how I am exploring that topic. (For reclaiming my true self that was obscured by abuse and dysfunction.)

Nurturing Yourself Part 1

Many times when I talk to survivors about nurturing themselves, they roll their eyes and give me a tired look, as if to say, “We’ll bear with you. We know you’re from California.” Nurturing is seen as some New-Age practice. Or as something self-indulgent (and therefore wrong) that we only do under duress (like a major illness). In reality, learning to love and take care of yourself is at the core of the healing process.

When survivors want to know how far along they are in the healing process, I ask them what they are doing to take care of themselves before I ask anything else. I don’t ask if they have memories. I don’t ask if they’re angry. I don’t ask if they’ve confronted their abuser. I ask, “Are you gentle and forgiving with yourself when you make a mistake? Are you able to take breaks? Are you on your own side or are you still fighting yourself every step along the way. Do you give yourself credit for your accomplishments? Are you proud of yourself?

From The Courage to Heal Workbook by Laura Davis.