Letter to Self, While a Fetus

(mentions physical abuse by mother, when pregnant)

Dear one. You inspire me. I think of you and I am overwhelmed with awe.

Your courage is huge. In your dark and liquid abode.

In a hostile and hateful environment you fought to live and to continue. Even though our female parent tried to end your life several times while in the womb, you and your strength endured. My mind is boggled by your strength, little baby girl.

I just want to wrap you up in my arms and protect you. I want to fight for you, because I know your unique self and the unique gifts that you bring to the world.

You chose life. It still staggers and amazes me how much love you have for life and for loving others, how much you believe in goodness and gentleness and how much that has effected me all of my life.

If I was in your place I don’t think I could have made those choices, though I have to admit I make those kinds of choices each day. Even so, I cannot imagine ever being as brave as you.

You are so tenacious. I am tenacious because of you. Everything that I am is from you and due to you and emanates first from you.

I love you. I will always admire and love you and try to live my life in a way that honors you and your courage.

Sweet baby girl, I love you.

My love reaches out to you, from all these years away, and envelops you. You are not alone. You are loved. I am here. I will always be here with you. You will never be alone. You will always be loved. Through all the years I will always love and parent you.

Kate