Here’s the Thing…

Here’s the thing, I love having face-to-face friends. I love being able to go out and do stuff with someone else. I love being able to grow a relationship where sharing grows into a possibility. But mostly I just put a lot of time, energy, and emotion into something that goes nowhere.

Two years ago, when I moved back to my homestate, I ran into someone downtown, that I knew before moving away. We had never become friends, but it looked like it was a possibility back then. She acted pretty much the same, kind of wanting to become friends, suggesting things we could do together, all things that I would like to do.

We did get together twice and I did call her several times. She wanted to do things that I couldn’t do, mostly because I have difficulty and pain when walking and sitting. As a disabled person I thought she would understand what my limitations were, but that never seemed to happen.

She would roll her eyes when I would explain why somewhere was not a good place to eat for me and suggest somewhere else, which turned out to be places she did not want to go to. Like my brother I had lived with, she was convinced she knew what was safe and gluten free and how to tell, though she knew nothing at all. We did manage to go to two places to have coffee.

I tried to explain to her everything and tried to explain what my living space was like at the time; unsafe, loud, drinking, smoking, and drugs going on in the house where I was renting a room, and that right now I was not getting enough sleep and just trying to cope and to move out of there. I told her I am so tired from all of this. Her response was, well it is making me tired just listening to it. That was like a slap in the face. It really hurt my feelings.

I wasn’t trying to disclose and complain to her. I was just trying to explain so that she would understand that I just didn’t have the energy or rest to do things with her that week or the next one, because she was trying to pressure me into making some commitments I couldn’t.

She also had wanted me to move into the apartment complex where she lived, though she then proceeded to list off a long list of complaints about the place. She was upset that I moved somewhere else and that my place had stairs. I would have preferred no stairs myself. The stairs can be a huge issue for me some days. I was not happy with that, but I had to move and it was a place to move to and I was very thankful for that.

Then she stopped answering her phone and not returning my messages. This was exactly how our interactions had ended the last time.This isn’t the only recent potential friendship that ended badly. But the end of the interactions were for the best.

I have some wonderful online friendships that have included blogs, phone calls and emails. Here’s the thing, once you’ve been consistently respected, cared for, listened to, loved, valued; supported in time, words, feedback, and emotion it makes it easy to spot when you aren’t being and hard to accept less from someone saying they are a friend.

What I get from my online friends is huge. It makes it impossible for me to accept something less in person.

Connectedness to Angel Spirit

I wish I could explain this good, but I don’t have a good grasp of it myself. The Littles are the ones who first introduced me to the concept of angel spirit. I’ve asked them to explain it to me, but they get too upset and very emotional about it all. All I know is the emotions that they have shared with me and how much love they have for those who have an angel spirit. So I would have to say it is a huge amount of love and emotion that they are feeling.

More than twenty years ago they told me that a friend of ours was an angel spirit. They loved her very much and never wanted her to leave from our life. It was very sad when she ebbed out of our life.

Our friend Joanies, who reads our blog, also has an angel spirit. We love her so much. One of our best friends, Fish, has an angel spirit as well.

The Littles have managed to communicate to me a few words. They believe that these people don’t have a human spirit, they have an angel spirit. I didn’t know that was possible. But if it is possible, then my two friends are definitely angel spirits.

I love you Joanies. I love you Fish.

Hello Skype

For the first time ever I spoke to my friend in the UK. We have been online friends for eight years. She really is one of the sweetest people in the whole wide world. We skyped, but there were some hiccups.

My headset/mic can only work for listening or as a mic, not both at the same time, because apparently I need a headset that can plug into both the mic and headphone slots on my computer and I don’t. So we took turns talking and typing.

Now I just gotta buy the right headphones set. Well in my defense it does work on the cell and the phone and on the box it said it would work for computers. But it doesn’t do what I need.

I loved her British accent. She said yeah mine sounded American, but of course, she said, I would since I am from America. Yeah.

We talked a lot about things we don’t usually talk about and I realized that typing has really gotten in the way of the amount of topics we cover, especially daily life things which are nice to catch up on and to know about.

She said that hearing my voice and having me talk to her made me seem more real. Yeah. But she has always seemed very real to me.

You Are Worthy of Love

Your heart yearns for it, to be loved and valued by others. By yearning for it, your heart shows it already knows you are worthy of being loved and valued.

Your mind is different. It has been lied to and taught to believe those lies. But your heart already knows the truth. You are worthy of love.

I Would Kiss You, But You’re Too Vapid


I was talking with my friend Eric on the phone recently. He reminded me of the phrase, I would kiss you, but you’re too vapid. I had said it.

He was visiting last summer. We had a great lunch, at one of my favorite places. Then we walked over to the nearby lake. We were sitting out by the lake on the grass. It was a lovely day. Lots of people were coming and going around the area. We sat in the shade and talked. He did some reiki healing work on me and we talked some more.

The phrase is funny, I have to admit, even taken out of context. I was talking about some guy, sorry I can’t remember what guy I was referring to. Lol. But right when I said it a couple were walking by behind me and overheard what I said.

Eric wanted them to know, I wasn’t saying it about him. No, I wasn’t. Lol. Really, very nice strangers, he is a nice guy. Yes, really, someone well worth kissing.

No, he’s not vapid. If he was we couldn’t be friends. If he was vapid, he wouldn’t want me. If he was vapid, I couldn’t make a friendship with him. I like my men tasty.

I talk like that, really I do, but remembering it only made me laugh and think for several hours of summer. That was excellent.