A Question I Was Asked, Some Time Ago

I wanted to write about this question for some time, but then I keep talking myself out of doing it. So here goes.

Some time ago a blog friend asked me if I was writing about another survivor blogger on my blog. based on a specific post I had done about a problem that I had had with a friend. The answer was no. I understand the question and I totally understand wanting to know.

The blog post was about a face-to-face friend, who I had not been friends with for some time. And the blogger she thought I was writing about was not a friend, so would not qualify to be called a friend of mine on a blog post of mine. I believe that most survivor bloggers try to keep that type of stuff off their blogs and I respect that and so do I.

So I don’t write negatively about bloggers on my blog. Certainly not friends or friends of friends in the blog world. I try not to write about someone in a way on the blog that puts others in a situation of having to deal with them and I try very hard to keep this tendency and disagreements out of my comments sections as well.

Of course survivor issues can often repeat over and over in a survivor’s life, I know it does in mine. So often I am processing a number of incidents from my life as I work on feeling, processing, and healing from a primary issue of survivorhood. So I totally get why the question was asked.

Except for one blogger, who I did write about negatively, who did not believe in DID and was copying survivor blog posts and then arguing about the truth and validity of survivors, their experiences, their reality, etc. Those of us who are DID and/or diagnosed with DID deserve better treatment than that. I wrote about that, but I was never involved with this blogger on her blog or on mine. I believe that everyone has a right to believe whatever they want and even to write about it on their own blog. But I draw the line on going to survivor of abuse’s blog who have a diagnosis of DID, copying and writing negatively and cruelly about them. This is not okay.

I believe strongly in community, connection, and healing in community.

So I don’t normally write about other survivor bloggers, except when I say how much you all mean to me, which is a lot.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

My Statement About Message Boards & Blogging

Since starting blogging almost five years ago I have almost exclusively been involved with blogging as a personal online resource with and for other survivors. So I have a bias in favor of blogging and I would recommend that someone start a blog and connect with other bloggers. However I know many who blog and message board and am glad to see that many survivors get support through both.

There are many small and a few larger message boards out there that are free and I hope that you would try them, if you want to do the message board experience. I have found several exceptional friends from message boards and was friends with many over the last twelve years in a way that was very exceptionally wonderful and healing. I have several links to free message boards on some of my resource pages, but please do not construe that as an endorsement or a statement that it is a safe and healing space. I cannot make such a promise. Please take care and use caution when extending yourself to others online, and indeed everywhere in your life.

I highly recommend that survivors do not join or participate in fee-based online message board groups that are owned and run by therapists. The therapist charges a monthly fee. I have experiences and known others who have had experiences that were negative, painful, abusive and very unhealing. I have remained silent about that. I don’t think that survivors of abuse should have to remain silent.

However almost all of the survivors I knew at those message boards were uniformly wonderful to me, routinely supportive, friendly, and kind. Two were the best friends of my entire life.

On purpose I do not have any resource links to any website that has or still may have a fee-based therapist-owned message board. If you find a website link on my blog that does have a fee-based therapist-owned message board, that is a mistake, and please let me know and I will delete it.

I would advise anyone to avoid fee-based therapist-owned message boards like the plague and to not pay for any message board interactions where the fees go to a therapist.

Others have a right to disagree with me, but they do not have a right to be abusive or threatening to me on my blog or to have any comments that do so posted to my blog. I have seen that happen to others. I will not allow that to happen here. My blog is moderated, nothing is posted automatically and must be first read and approved by me, and you have to have a wordpress account in order to leave a comment here, making it easier for me to file a complaint against someone who is abusive and making the other person be more accountable for their own words.

I realize that everyone must make their own choices, but have come to believe that I should make a statement of my beliefs on my blog, just so you know where I am coming from and so that I am not silent on the topic.

Happy One Year Anniversary

Happy One Year friendship Anniversary to my friends Red and Granny.

Last year, like every year, I surfed around a lot on wordpress looking at Christmas posts. I did the year before and the year before that.

Initially in 2009 I had left some comments in posts that I really really loved. Then I got upset, thinking they might come to my blog and read about me. The old stigma about being multiple and having a diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder got to me and I left fewer comments as time went on when I found a blog that was not abuse-related and/or blogger that I liked. In 2010 I didn’t really leave comments and I didn’t create a post about the Christmas posts that I liked.

In 2011 I really liked so many posts that I made up another post on my favorite Christmas posts with links and left some comments. The worry came back to me. I thought, well they will just have to accept that abuse happens, that people become multiple through abuse, and that I am multiple. After all that is what I am willing to do with other with survivor bloggers.

I thought, I am loveable, I am willing to take the chance that someone could visit my blog after I leave a comment and let them interact with me or not. I don’t have anything to be ashamed of because I am multiple. I don’t have to worry if someone wants to interact with me in advance, they can decide. It’s taken me a very long time to come to that belief, but here I am.

That is what happened. Today is the one year anniversary of my interacting with my friends Dirty Red, blog Relationsh*t and Granny, blog The Village Granny. Thank you beloveds. Your friendships are beautiful gifts and I treasure yous.

Happy One Year Anniversary.

Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse Archives

Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse Archives:

Hosted by: From Tracie

Submisson Form & Archive Page

2006

~  June  ~  July ~  October  ~  November

2007

~  February  ~  June  ~  October

2008

January  ~  February  ~  March  ~  April   ~  September

2009

February  ~  March  ~  April  ~  May  ~  June  ~  July ~ August  ~  September  ~  October  ~  November  ~  December

2010
January  ~  February  ~  March  ~  April  ~  May  ~  June  ~  July  ~  September  ~  October  ~  November  ~  December

2011
January  ~  February  ~  March  ~  April  ~  May  ~  June  ~  July ~ August  ~  September  ~  November

2012
January   ~  March  ~  April ~ May ~ June ~ July ~ September ~ November ~ December

2013

January  ~ March ~ April  ~ September  ~ November ~ December

2014

January  ~ April  ~ July ~ August  ~ November ~ December

2015

Blog Comments

Perhaps I am not the person to comment on this, but I will anyway. Mostly I get great blog comments and the rest are spam. Rarely comments were misinterpetations of what I was saying or a need to argue about a different subject entirely. Those I have felt the need to comment on. Those commenters go away.

When I started blogging I found that some other survivor bloggers got harassing comments on their blogs, that they did not post and deleted. One suggested that one way to avoid some of that was to have a commenter have to be a member at wordpress in order to make comments. I did that. I also moderate all my commenters. I don’t want my readers finding objectionable comments when they visit here.

If someone doesn’t like me personally, doesn’t believe in childhood sexual abuse, repressed memories, flashbacks or Dissociative Identity Disorder; they really don’t belong here. And I won’t post their comments. I can’t imagine why they would bother being here. I can’t imagine why they would want to read and comment. I can’t imagine why they would go to other survivors’ blogs and make those kinds of comments and hurt someone’s feelings.

If someone is doing that on someone else’s blog, that is not okay. Diminishing or disbelieving survivors, even if you say you are one, is not okay. I decided to avoid any who do this.  

I won’t go to someone else’s blog and leave nasty comments. I might not agree with someone, but they will be ignored by me.

There are some comments that I have decided I won’t respond to. I won’t respond and I will delete, these comments won’t even get posted to my blog. If someone wants to insult and judge and humiliate me; they will have to do it to an audience of one. They won’t get posted here. This is my healing space.

A New Blogger

A newer blogger has kind of caught my attention recently. Her depth of honesty and self-disclosure matches her level of self-awareness. I enjoy visiting her blog. She always gives me lots to think about and lots to feel about.

Her blog post for Sept. 1st is honest, humorous, and spot on. Her analogy of spinning plates is well worth reading. I can certainly relate. I think a lot of people could.

http://petrogenic.wordpress.com/2009/09/01/self-care/