C is for Healing

C is for Healing.

 C is for Creativity. A big part of being able to survive is our ability to think beyond the moment we are going through, to imagine a different place and time and world for ourselves and to dream, to use our heart and soul in creative action. As much as creativity is a part of a victim’s life, it is even more so a part of an adult survivor’s life, endurance, and healing.

C is for Change. Change is said to be the one constant in life, in the universe, and indeed in a survivor’s healing life and healing path. If change wasn’t a constant in our lives, we wouldn’t be moving forward, we wouldn’t be able to alter our lives, improve our lives, healing inside and change our life for the better. Change is earth-shattering. But change also brings healing.

Change is one of the biggest fears I ever had in my life. I think it is for plenty of survivors. It takes a long time and a lot of healing for a survivor to get to a point of being unmoved by fear when the concept or topic of change comes up inside a person or outside by others or circumstances.

C is for Clarity. Clarity is something survivors have had obscured from their lives. Clarity is something you grasp rarely, only to see it slip from your fingers. Clarity is what you are reaching for when you are learning to stand up for yourself, to learn boundaries, reading books about survivors and healing, to find your voice, to establish a life of your own, away from abuse.

Clarity is clear seeing; in  your life, in your soul, in your mind. It’s the opposite of what abusers do, intend, want, or work towards. Clarity is the beginning of change, the beginning of empowerment, the piece of the puzzle. Clarity is seeing yourself accurately, with the eyes of love, perhaps for the first time in your life.

Clarity is healing and brings healing. Clarity is sweet.

B is for Healing

B is for bone. We need to understand that we are strong like bones, yes breakable, but also incredibly strong, durable, and resilient. At times we can break, but mostly we endure.

I used to feel all uncomfortable and freaked out about bone, about having bones, about having a skeleton inside of me. But bones are intricate, minute little worlds and a skeleton is a recipe for function and possibilities.

After watching the show “Bones” for several seasons I have concluded that there is reason to love bones and to love being made of bones at my core. Living bones are not like skeletons. Living bones are alive, containing, enfolding, protecting, they make it possible for so much that we are capable of. Rarely do we question it or think about it. Bones are courageous. Survivors are like bones.

B is for ball. One of my brothers told me recently a ball is the most popular toy the world over. I told him, I know that. I read that in a book of children’s games and online as well. I showed him a small, tiny bouncing ball I had brought with me to California from Ohio and before that from Minnesota. I told him it is one of my favorite toys as well. I had been bouncing it out in the backyard earlier in the day. The ability to play is so tied up for me in playing with a ball. I have never lost the ability to play. We all need that. B is for ball.

B is for beauty. Survivors need beauty. We need to breathe in beauty, to soak it deep into our skin, to drink it down, to feast our eyes upon it. Survivors need beauty. We need every reason that we can find to have a reason for joy in this world. We need beauty like others need food or water. We need to have a reason to stay here, we need beauty, we need to find love, something to love, something for us to want, something for us to find joy and happiness with, something to make our hearts beat a little bit faster. Beauty is healing and we need all the healing we can find.

A is for Healing

This is a new list that I decided to do. I was surfing blogs and the idea came to me to do an alphabetical list about healing. Usually I have trouble deciding what to write or finding a topic, so thought this might help me when wanting to post and not being able to think of anything. So.. here it is, the beginning of my alphabet list.

A is for being annoyed, and for other emotions. The freedom to feel my emotions, think about them, process them, speak of them, express them. Being annoyed means I have a concept in my mind that I have certain rights and I have a right to be upset when I am being violated. Something a child being abused does not have a right to do.

I remember how compliant I used to be. And now reflect on how annoyed I get and how often. It is a difference between a mountain and a mole hill.

A is for anger. Something scary and dangerous, for most of my life. Anger, the emotion that was never allowed, but was stuffed down my throat by everyone around me. It hung thick in the air and was the excuse for every cruelty. Now can be used to feel, in a safe place, and allow the other emotions under anger to emerge. To allow them to emerge, to accept them, to make a home for them inside myself, so that I can heal.

Anger is and can be very healing. It just doesn’t feel particularly healing most of the time.

A is for apple. The ordinary treasures of life, like sitting outside in the sun by an apple tree, picking out an apple, and eating it, or just remembering that childhood memory while eating a grocery-bought apple. Small treasures. Small pleasures. Believing in them. Searching for them. Treasuring them.

It is normal. It is what other people do automatically and what I had to re-learn from when I was tiny and loved to twirl.

A is for healing.