A Different Kind of Dreaming

They say that people dream often and often don’t remember them. I don’t think that I was doing a lot of deep sleep or dreaming for a long time. It was hugely influenced by my PTSD, my high pain levels and health issues, and noise levels where I have lived for many years. I am sleeping better now than I have for a long time, since having my gall bladder removal surgery and dreaming more, which is a tremendously good sign that my body is healthier and healing more.

About a year ago or so I started dreaming about my family. I’ve always dreamed about family members. But it used to be different.

I used to dream of them and me, but I was a different person and they were different people. In the dreams I would always have lucid thoughts, I would realize that so and so in the dream was really my mother in real life and that it was a dream. I would be a different person, but I always realized that it was me in the dream.

I don’t like it when I dream about my mother, even though in the dreams she is usually someone else. I wake up feeling creeped out and disgusted and dirty. I suppose most people would feel that way, if they dreamed about their primary sexual abuser. I try not to think about her after I wake up.

In the last year I’ve started to dream of family members and they are themselves in the dreams instead of being someone else. I believe this is a sign that I am associating with my life more than I am dissociating from my life, and in some ways it is comforting and a sign of healing and in others ways it is difficult and disconcerting just because it is new and something that I never done in my dream life before, at least not that I have remembered.

I sometimes dream of someone who died decades ago and sometimes of people who are alive now. I still seem to be aware that it is a dream, though I don’t seem to have to have as much inner dialogue going on in the dreams.

Recently I had a bizarre dream that seemed to have no inner monologue, showing me that I was lucid dreaming. I was dreaming of my aunt and my cousin, her daughter. I was an adult, my aunt was an adult, and older than me, but her daughter was still a child in the dream. This was weird because she is only three years younger than me in real life and has three adult children herself now. Weird and weird to wake up and realize that I wasn’t talking to myself during the dream. It was disconcerting to wake up while dreaming and not having worked on understanding the dynamics of the dream already. It seems abnormal to me.

I suppose that one dream doesn’t mean that I will always dream like that, not talking to myself during the dream. I might do both kind of dreaming in the future.

I wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t dream of my family, but one way or another, as themselves or as a fictional character in my dreams, I suppose that my mind needs to work out issues and they are definitely issues in my life, even when I don’t see or associate with some of them.

4 thoughts on “A Different Kind of Dreaming

  1. I have always found it interesting how we interpret our dreams. Our subconscious is trying to give us a message – it is just a matter of being perceptive enough to discern the content.

    I think perhaps you are on the right track?!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi,

      There have been times when I have read and studied about dream interpretation and even a time that I would interpret each dream that I did remember. I did find it helpful and healing, at times. Though I guess I am at a point the last few years when I am content to just let it happen and if a concept or interpretation comes to me and it is helpful or healing, then I am okay with that, but I don’t usually go looking for it, based on symbols and interpreting them. What I have found is that eventually I start piecing together some idea about repetitive dreams that are all about being multiple and specifically about our multiple system. Which is what I think my dreams are trying to work out a lot of the time, with lots of different imagery. Thanks for the vote of confidence/doubt. Lol.

      Good and healing thoughts to you and yours.

      Kate

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Things will change as you grow and heal. Change can certainly be frightening but try to flow with it. Life can only get better if we allow it to change. Very astute of you to notice all these details in your dreams. Have you tried writing your dreams down when you first wake up? Gramps does that and it helps him a lot.

    Granny

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Granny,

      Thank you. 🙂 I used to write them down and have been thinking about doing that again, thanks for the reminder, I need that.

      Thinking of yous. Good and healing thoughts to you and to those you love.

      Kate

      Like

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