A Question

What is your favorite color?

My favorite color, as long as I remember having a favorite color, has been blue. I read recently that blue is the most popular color in the world. It represents peace and serenity; actually being able to lower the pulse and blood pressure. I’m pretty sure that those reasons contributed to my having blue as my favorite color. I sure needed a lot of peace and serenity and consider my strong attraction and favortism of blue  helped me in my daily life to survive my mother abuser and my family. If I had to say what I get from the color blue, I would have to say happiness, I get happiness from the color blue.

I remember being five years old, in kindergarten, and getting ready for photo day at school and insisting that I get to wear my sailor dress, which was dark navy blue. My dress got damaged that morning, I think it was my mother who did it, and it got thrown away. Instead I wore a very pale blue dress for my school photo. It literally paled in comparison to my beloved sailor dress.

My stated preference and love of the color blue was so strong that I wore the color blue more than any other color. By third grade it became a strong constant in my life, so much so, that my father gave me a nickname with the word blue in it. I loved being called something that felt good and that made me feel special and identified me with my love of the color blue.

My previous nicknames, used by all my family, were disgusting and abusive. They were used until I was ten years old, so it was nice to also have a nickname that was sweet instead of repulsive and insulting and abusive.

For me this is the perfect example of the enduring damage from verbal and emotional abuse, even the good moments and memories are surrounded by all the bad abuse, from all sides. I know that a lot of people want to pretend and assume that emotional and verbal abuse do not cause much damage or that the damage can be just shaken off. My mother was one of them. They are wrong and their bullying of those who have been damaged are further examples of emotional and verbal abuse. We have been damaged. We deserve to have a space to be validated, assisted, and to work on healing from this, rather than being further bullied into believing that the damage is not real.

Blue is still my favorite color, though I have a marked preference for some other colors as well, especially purple and green. As well being multiple means never having to say you are one definitive thing. One of The Littles told me recently that orange is her favorite color. That might explain why I end up with orange tshirts. 🙂

My current favorite shade of blue, for the last 25 years or so, has been baby blue. It truly seems to feed my soul. I wish the same for you. So, what is your favorite color?