Apparently I’m a Delicate Little Flower

There is a fellow apartment resident who thinks that I am a delicate little flower. He often gives me over the shoulder comments, suggestions, and commands that he tosses out as we are in passing. I make a point of passing him as quickly as possible. A few times he has jumped out at me from his apartment. I swear he hears me in the hallway and thinks it is me. I try hard to avoid him, if I think I hear him in the hallway I wait a few minutes before leaving, etc. He tends to drink a lot and talk a lot, neither of which I like to tolerate in my apartment hallway. I want to get in and out quickly and politely, nothing more.

The last time that he jumped out at me from his apartment, was about nine months ago, and he then stood in my way as I tried to leave and kept talking. He started lecturing me about God and Christianity and “the real meaning of life.” Unfortunately this has not been the only inebriated drunk who has seen fit to treat me like this. I am a Christian, but I hate being preached to.

After a few minutes of this I did manage to get away from him. That was when I decided, fuck this, I’m not going to put up with any more of his crap. I keep telling myself politeness and kindness do not mean being mistreated or used or taking anyone’s crap.

Yesterday afternoon I was in the mailbox entranceway with my bike, going through my recent mail, which was necessary as I was expecting a form that I needed to fill out right away and mail. The guy came in and was checking his mail.

He said I sincerely hope you are coming home and not going out.

I said, why cause it is supposed to rain? I am going out to the post office.

He said it is sleeting. I told him that I was going out and had expected it to rain and would be fine.

He offered several more suggestions about how I should live my life and what I should and shouldn’t do right there and I reiterated that I would be going out on my bike, even if it did rain or sleet and that I would be fine no matter what.

But apparently I am such a delicate little flower and totally a dim bulb because he thinks that I am incapable of living my own life, making my own decisions, and taking care of myself sans a male to tell me what to do.

This is after being disabled since I was 24, and taking care of myself without a partner or relative or friend to help me. I have always taken care of myself. My sister has helped me a lot in the last two years, but those were choices that I made. I could have had food delivered or taken a cab or taken the disability van. She offered to take me to the stores and I appreciated the help, but that does not mean that I was helpless or incapable of taking care of myself. I have been on disability for ten years and have not relied on another person to take care of myself, to pay my bills, or to give me transport. I have ridden a bicycle for more than twenty-five years all year round. And taken buses and cabs when necessary.

No one hearing that or even seeing me in the hallways, on my bike, in my life, or after having even one conversation with me would think that I am a delicate little flower. I suppose that I fit that definition, in his own mind, because then he thinks it entitles him to butt his nose into my private business.

Now, I realize that I am a beautiful wonderful flower, but I’m definitely not a fragile one or in need of a man, who is not a friend or a loved one, to tell me what to do or how to lead my life.

I am a beautiful, wonderful flower. And so are you.

7 thoughts on “Apparently I’m a Delicate Little Flower

  1. This guy sounds like he has some real skill deficits.

    From what I glean from your post, he drinks, he has episodes of religious grandiosity and he’s a sexist pig.

    I think avoiding him and cutting all conversations to hello and good-bye is the way to go here.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi,

      Yeah you pretty much got how he is. Whenever possible I move quickly away from him after hello. During that incident I needed to sort my mail and fill out a one page form so that I could mail it that day. Other times that I might interact more is when I am sitting outside resting from my bike ride before taking it and my purchases up two flights to my apartment.

      I go for friendly at all times. No one has become a friend and there have been several I would never be friends with, but living in an apartment building means that I want to be friendly and seen as friendly by everyone, unless they are being wildly inappropriate. Still I find it is possible to be polite and friendly while moving through the apartment building. I’ve been lucky because after almost three years I’ve only had one bad guy incident.

      Some guys are just pushy. Some guys are just idiots and like to pretend that bossing around others means they are a great guy and are caring. I tend to assert myself and what I am going to do, and eventually the person takes a hint, this one not so much. He probably never will.

      Thanks for the feedback. It is appreciated. Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Liked by 1 person

    • Lol. Hilarious. Thanks. 🙂

      Blog friends are in a different category than apartment building neighbors. And their input, feedback, comments, and support are appreciated. Thanks.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, Kate, just wow. Again, I like how patient you are with badly behaving people. In those types of situations, what comes to mind isn’t always respectful so I keep quiet, which also isn’t always best because I will wish I’d said something later. I think it’s great that you are able to think clearly through it and stick up for yourself. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi dear,

      Thank you. I will have to say that it took a lot of work and a huge amount of years before I was clear and had clarity and even then I would often be filled with rage by someone else’s bossing me around, as that was a trigger for so long, thanks to abusive bullies in my family and in school, and so I would be frozen in silence knowing that I was overreacting and couldn’t say anything. In time I just started saying what I thought, what I wanted, and what I was going to do, if I felt safe enough, and I went from there.

      Of course there are lots of time I turn away from someone out in public and just ignore them, cause that is all they are going to get from me.

      I can really relate to what you are describing happening to you, as I struggled with that for a long time. I started practicing what to say and do when I was alone, sometimes repeating things over and over in advance. It helped me. I would also say I deserve to be respected. I deserve to have my boundaries. And I practiced my boundaries, and feeling calm and assertive, a lot when at home alone and when on my bicycle. It all helped.

      I really appreciate your comment. I do really see how far I have come. I’m really proud of that. I believe that you will get there too.

      Good and healing thoughts to yous.

      Kate

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you for the kind words. We are getting better about sticking up for ourselves, but our reactions (especially when triggered) are so emotion-based and we would sooner burst into tears than have something calm and sensible to say. A work in progress. We appreciate how far you’ve come and are grateful for the example. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s