Life is Flipped Upside Down Again

I’ve been wide awake all night and sleeping all day again. I suppose that really doesn’t matter much, since I’ve been keeping my bike inside this winter, for probably the first time in more than twenty years. Since having my operation and having so many ear and sinus issues this winter I just don’t feel much like going out in the  cold either. I’ve been trying to flip myself back to being awake during the daytime, but for the most part that fails after about a day or two, and I end up feeling even more tired. I tried to flip back two days ago and ended up sleeping all afternoon and evening yesterday. Oh well.

It only really ever matters once or twice a week when I have to be awake during the day. Since I don’t have any friends to hang out with or places to go I suppose I should just not try to fight it. I love being awake late at night and into the early morning hours. As an intuitive I feel my brain being soothed rather than rattled. I feel and enjoy the silences so much; both the outer silences and the intuitive silences.

Considering that I was abused for years late at night, I have always felt more comfortable being awake late at night. I knew where I was and I felt safe knowing that I wasn’t being abused. This has been a thing that I do ever since I was a teenager and could stay up late at night, during the summers, and sleep far into the day without being disturbed by my family. I don’t know exactly why they decided not to interfere with my sleeping, but they didn’t bother me. My parents always equated getting up early with being industrious and hard working and sleeping late being used to describe laziness and being a sloth, and I’ve been verbally attacked for that all of my life.

I don’t really accept that stereotype, but it also affects me and how I value myself and my level of self-esteem. My family of origin’s rigid opinions and verbal abuses still hold too much sway in my life.

My alcoholic dad was an early morning person and he absolutely believed it made him a better person for it. He was quite opinionated in that view and I never agreed with him. He had a job that was only done during the day, so in a way I understand why he thought it was important, just not why he decided to shame all his children over it. But then again he loved to shame his children, on every topic he could find.

Living in a family with many morning people made it so much more difficult, especially since so many of them cannot still understand or empathize with someone who is not like them. As I’ve said to my family all my life; you either are or you aren’t an early morning person.

When you think about it really it sounds ridiculous and stupid in our day and age to describe someone up early in the morning as a good and better person that someone who prefers to sleep then. It might have been a more valid point hundreds of years ago, before electricity and all the ways someone can be alive and productive any time of the day or night.

I was talking recently to my great niece, who is in elementary school. We are very much similar in our interests and passions, except as I found out recently, in one important respect. She said she was an early morning person and I told her I was a late night person. We both extolled the virtues of the early mornings; her upon waking up and me just before going to bed. Even though we were far apart in our early morning/late night fandoms at least we shared a love of the world/nature in the early morning, so we have that in common too..

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