Update on Stairwell Guy

Yesterday I talked to the apartment manager about the stairway guy, who got too familiar and wanted to know if I was married, had a boyfriend, and wanted to know if we wanted to get to know each other, in rapid succession. I still think that the first two questions being answered quickly and irrevocably in the negative should have dissuaded him from going further.

I described the guy, named the date and the name he gave, as well as his stated apartment number only to be told the apartment manager did not know him and that he was lying to me about living here. Still he could be living with someone and they are lying to the apartment manager, which is still going on here. These are one person studios in this building and they only allow one person to live in an apartment. Or he could have been visiting someone, someone had to let him into the building and he did come out of an apartment, so he did know someone here, at least.

I spoke to the manager about how uncomfortable it was to be treated like this, being much older than this guy who could very well still be a teenager, and to be treated like this in a bar might be normal in a bar, but not in my apartment building stairway. He understood what I was talking about. I told him about living here for almost three years and always being treated so nicely and politely by guys in the building and especially by the guy residents here. So this was quite a shock.

Later I called the office and needed to leave a message with his assistant manager, who is a woman. She really understood how uncomfortable this guy had made me, and she really listened to me, and it was good to feel understood. I had told them both that if I see him again and he bothers me I will tell him that I do not want to talk to him and walk away.

10 thoughts on “Update on Stairwell Guy

  1. I don’t like it that you were bothered by the inappropriate guy, but I am really happy that you had a positive experience of being understood and listened to with respect when you told the management about it. If you have a phone with a camera, if you see him again, it might be helpful to take his picture–his identity could probably be confirmed using a photo search program, which a lot of business folks use for exactly this reason…to identify suspicious or dangerous people at rental properties.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi David,

      Thank you for your kind words and advice. 🙂 It really warmed my heart.

      There is a security company that I can call and complain about anything that happens in the building, so there is that, as well as the police. I will start carrying my phone when I go to take out garbage or get the mail. I had been leaving it in the apartment, but now I think it is a good idea to have it and be able to take a photo, thanks for that. Also there are security cameras on the first floor so they would be able to get a good picture of him if he does anything else and anyone needs to complain about him.

      I am writing a post about this issue and will try to post it tomorrow.

      Thanks for your kind support and advice. Good and healing thoughts to you and to the queens.


      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi David,

      I think I wasn’t feeling well enough to post about this guy again. But here goes; he did show up in the stairwell again, did not bother me, looked embarrassed to see me, and I went right down to the office and reported that I had seen him in the building again. I had tried to take a photo but he went down the stairs quickly. The manager said he really didn’t know him and thought that he did not live there, or at least wasn’t on any lease, and I told him well he went down the back stairwell and there is a camera on the first floor so you could check that and he said that he would check it. I haven’t seen the guy again. I think he is living in someone else’s studio apartment, even though only one person is allowed by lease.

      The look on his face when he saw it was me, embarrassed and trying to avoid me, that was very empowering. It made me even madder that he had tried to treat me so sleazily the first time. Anyway I felt stronger and more empowered by his reaction and by the apartment manager caring about me and how I was being treated in the building. And happy that he is the only person in the building who has treated me like this and I’m hoping that my responses to him and about him will dissuade anyone else from being a jerk.

      Good and healing thoughts to yous.


      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Vic,

      I think that I am relatively safe, but he really triggered me and made me feel creeped out by following me out of the apartment he was in and into the stairwell. Since I get tired out so easily I needed to rest on the steps and that made me feel vulnerable. I had to get up in order to get away from him before I felt rested well enough and that made me very mad. Feeling like I had to be nice made me feel even more vulnerable. Being honest with him not deterring him was also unsettling. He was very young and that too did not sit right with me, I’m really not interested in someone who looks like a teenager and the fact that he was pursuing me after being told no three times was similarly upsetting and triggering, but mostly it just made me really really mad at him.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.


      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this — our home is supposed to be a sanctuary, not another obstacle to cross to safety. I love that you talked to the apt. manager and the assistant manager. David’s idea about trying to surreptitiously take a photo of this guy is a good one, as long as you can do it safely. Be well and you are in my thoughts! ♥ Lauren

    Liked by 1 person

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