Therapy Ends, Again

Well another therapist from the non-profit is leaving. She called me to let me know that she was going to be leaving there. It was not at all surprising to me. On the phone message she asked if I would like to do a farewell session. I don’t want to. I won’t be.

I tried to be positive and upbeat through the process of acquiring a new therapist, but that didn’t positively affect/effect the outcome. I’m okay with that. You can’t make someone be what you need them to be and when it is a bad fit and it can’t be fixed to a healing level, it is for the best to walk away from it.

Just two weeks before she had assured me during session that she, “was not going to abandon me and that she was going to continue to see me for therapy.” Right away I knew what was going to happen.

That assured me that she was going to be leaving and abandoning me. When anyone uses the words abandon or abandonment that has meant that they are leaving, based on my adult life experiences. So I was prepared for her announcement of leaving. And not at all shocked.

I had only seen her over the time frame of about two months. I liked her when I first met her and she showed some promise, but that was not realized in our sessions. It turned out to be very upsetting and triggering, but that is for another day and another post, hopefully when I am up for sharing about all of that. So there was not any bonding and I am not upset by her departure.

I/we are very upset by and about Jon Stewart leaving his television show, someone we love and are bonded to, and not at all by the therapist’s departure. When the previous therapist was leaving, a scant four or five months ago, we were not upset about that either, but rather quite upset at the thought of losing our connections and bonding to the women’s center and our “Advocate” there.

I’m not sure right now what I will do. For the time being, I am planning on not making any decisions until the apartment complex rehab is completely done and after I have gotten some more rest and recovery time from that. I am thinking about re-joining a self-esteem support group during this time period. I really enjoyed it and it really helped me and I think it will have similar results again.

14 thoughts on “Therapy Ends, Again

  1. I’m sorry that you had to go through a recognizable abandonment pattern—and at the same time, if she wasn’t a good fit and she was triggering to you, I’m glad that the relationship terminated naturally. I like the idea of a support group; when they are made up of people who genuinely want to do meaningful work, they can be wonderful.

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    • Hi David,

      I had already decided to end therapy three weeks before, and had been cancelling appointments until I was ready to do the termination message. I was having a lot of sinus issues and sleep issues so it was a good idea to cancel appointments, so I did.

      It was much more than not a good fit, though it was definitely not that. She was disrespectful of my stated rules, boundaries, and limitations; even though I was very explicit. She would act like she was going to respect that, but then each session she would start all over again with the questions.

      She wanted to grill me on the topic of dissociation, even though I most explicitly did not want to and told her I did not want it to be a part of therapy. She would not stop. She would say in each session that I could talk about dissociation and I was clear that I did not want to, but then she would add, but you could, if you ever wanted to. And again I was real clear that I did not want to.

      Once she had a list of questions about “triggers” and I thought she was asking about normal triggers that a survivor has and talked about that during the whole session. Only to find out at the end of session she was talking about triggers that a dissociative person has that makes them dissociate, which is not at all what I was talking about. I told her it would be helpful if she explained herself and was explicit and she admitted that she would not even know where to begin, nor how to learn about it.

      I notified her of my blog resources and encouraged her to access those, hoping that would get her to back off and she stated it is not your job to educate me. No it wasn’t, but she admitted not being competent, but during the time I saw her I never saw any evidence of her learning anything about dissociation and I kept reiterating I did not want it to be a part of therapy and she would not let it go, and yet she did not see that as being incompetent, even though she admitted that she had no competency to deal in therapy with my being multiple and therefore she couldn’t. Yes, but she would not leave it alone. And therefore she was inappropriate and dealt with it all incompetently.

      I did talk to my “advocate” a short amount and she was glad to be informed. I had a lot of trouble talking about the specifics, but I thought that I got across a lot of the problems and issues that I had with her in a short period of time. I wanted to do that before the therapist was gone.

      The self-esteem group is run by two women who work at the center, so it is not a true support group. I used to attend this group and found it very healing each time. I loved the group when I was able to attend. Actually it was much better than most therapy sessions I have ever had.

      I hope this doesn’t sound too rambly. I am still trying to process it all. I do think now that she violated my therapeutic rights and trust.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Liked by 1 person

      • No, not rambly at all. That sounds truly terrible–disrespectful of you and your knowledge about your own healing process, disrespectful of correct trauma therapy protocols, and disrespectful of information conveyed in session. I think it says a lot about your commitment to healing that you are able to articulate the issues so clearly.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi David,

        Thank you.

        It is hard when talking of the issue of dissociation and being multiple, because I don’t want to do therapy on those issues, and yet it is usually something that we want to be able to touch upon infrequently. I always inform a newer therapist that I have had several years of therapy on dissociation and being multiple, and am not interested in doing that now or in the near future.

        We think that she was enamored with the idea of having a client talk about the personal aspects of being multiple, and she presented it as she needed to know much more so she could assess whether we should be referred to another therapist or not. We hadn’t been by the previous therapist, who we saw for over 18 months. So I didn’t believe her reason and more and more knew it strongly each session that it was about her and had nothing to do with us.

        Before that we went to a mental health clinic and they did not try to force me either, in order to be treated there.

        We had disclosed being DID initially when we were in DBT classes and therapy and were told that the therapist was competent to deal with the topics of DBT and my work on that, but not on DID. So I know that it is something other therapists do, see dissociative clients, and at no time did that therapist bring up the topics of dissociation or multiplicity or try to force me into disclosing more than the bare fact.

        In fact, the previous therapist before that did not try to make me talk about those topics either.

        We continued to reiterate our needs and wants in the therapy hour. It did hurt us and it did damage us. It made us feel even more leper for her to treat us the way that she did. It broke our ability to trust and not just her, I am realizing, it is going to be hurting us to try to open up to someone else about anything. So it is good for us to take a short break and some time to focus on our connections that we have already established and to post about some new areas that we have been working on, as a way to help process this all.

        Thanks for your supportive comments. They mean so much.:)

        Good and healing thoughts to you.

        Kate

        Liked by 1 person

      • I think therapists are inappropriately “fascinated” by multiples, so they want to “go there” even when they’re told that isn’t the focus of what the client wants to work on. It’s really annoying, especially to clients who know their own system, know how to integrate information, and want to work on disseminating and explaining things in private, and to work on other skill sets with a therapist. I think for some therapists having a “real” multiple is a sort of trophy hunt, for lack of a better term. It really sucks.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi David,

        I agree. I think the worst part of the whole trophy hunt is that most of them have met a multiple, several in fact. Especially the ones that I have specialized in domestic violence or child sexual abuse. They just couldn’t figure that out and the client either was in denial, in repression, or the therapist was not safe enough or they had not done enough therapy, enough bonding or enough healing or had grown enough trust in order to disclose being multiple.

        I deserved better from her.

        I don’t think that she had a lot of experience being a therapist, but I’ve seen more respectful people at the crisis center for short term counseling who were only working on their B.A.s in Psychology who did a better job and who were more respectful and helped me heal more for only ten sessions. So I won’t be excusing any of her behavior.

        Disrespectful and hateful is what I call her treatment of me.

        The professor who had a Ph.D. and was a therapist full-time, taught me the class Child Abuse and Neglect. She said that therapists get the car accident at the side of the road fascination when dealing with extreme abuse disclosures, etc. I asked her, even you? She said, yes, even me. I was so appalled and upset that she even included herself in that.

        I think that everyone who has gone to therapy has had the moment where they are disclosing something that the therapist is more enraptured with than helping them to heal. It is sickly and disgusting. I hate it. I’m not looking for a voyeur. I’m looking for someone who is willing to get in the car with me, sit with me and the emotions and the reality of what I have experienced, hold my hand, and help me to heal. I don’t need a voyeur. No one does. It brings no one healing.

        Thank you for getting it and for replying. Good and healing thoughts to you.

        Kate

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  2. I am sorry you are losing your therapist. I just got a new one last week. So far it looks like it will work out, but one never knows. Good luck when you are ready to start again.

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  3. I’m sorry to hear you’re of this upsetting and unsettling change. It’s so hard to lose/change therapists and to face the uncertainty of the new.
    I can only hope that this will somehow turn around and lead to a positive new fit with the next therapist and/or in your chosen path forward.
    The self esteem group sounds promising! 🙂
    Sending you love. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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