Something I Wanted to Say

mentions physical abuse and mother daughter sexual abuse

I believe that no matter what someone weighs they deserve love and acceptance from our society, from friends and loved ones and to be treated with respect and equal rights by everyone. I know that I endeavor to treat others that way.

I know that that is not what everyone experiences in our western societies. There is a lot of hatred out there.

I know that I have weight issues for myself and towards others. My two family sexual offenders were both very overweight. I was conditioned, by abuse, to hate and fear overweight people.

My mother, who sexually abused and physically abused me, hated her body and I was often inundated with adult societal body hatred. I remember myself at four years old and already being deathly afraid of being overweight.

I am often triggered by loud and angry overweight people, like my mother was, thanks to her unbridled rage and hatred directed at me, often with physical assault. Additionally I was abused by other men and women and there are some physical characteristics that are triggering as well.

I have a lot of unresolved issues due to my mother and brother. I wish that I could say that they are easy issues for me and I am conquering them, but that is not the truth. It is a struggle for me, although I try, at all times, to treat others with respect and equal rights. I know that body hatred and size discrimination/hatred is abundant and constant in our society. I have worked hard at treating people better than my society allows.

I started gaining weight when I was 25 and my back and neck pain and health issues became huge issues in my life. It has been a big struggle for all these years. Extra weight has always caused me additional pain and additional restrictions to my mobility and health. I wanted to say that if I did not experience increased pain and decreased mobility with extra weight I would not link the two concepts together.

I realize that doctors and scientists and other professionals often link extra weight with a number of health issues, without any scientific studies that show a direct correlation and they shame and coerce patients and the general public into weight loss even though no studies show that weight loss works in the long term.

Unfortunately my health issues get worse, my mobility becomes more problematic, and weight gain an inevitable outcome. I used to diet. I used to engage in disordered eating. I don’t do that anymore. It is a challenge for me to lose weight without extra walking, which is always a challenge due to my back disability, but walking and eating healthier together is how I lose weight.

I realize that everyone has a right to their own food choices and their own body, and that there isn’t always a correlation for others between body size and health issues. And even if there was, each person has the right to make their own choices, to have autonomy in their own life and with their own bodies. And the right to be treated with respect and acceptance by others.

I wanted you all to know that I accept and love myself/myselves and our body. I wanted to write about this and say what I believe as clearly as possible, finally.

What I wish for all of my readers is that they accept and love themselves, as they are. It has been a hard road for me, with lots of bumps along the way.  I wanted you all to know that I accept and love all of you, just as you are. There is nothing that you need to be or change in order to be loved, accepted, and cared about. I love you all. It is my profound wish that you all have others who treat you with love, acceptance, and kindness.

Good and healing thoughts to you all.

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