Well this sucks.
Just as I have been able to start finding the words to describe and write about certain things that have happened to me six months ago and even a year ago and even longer ago than that, cause I was pretty blocked about sharing about certain things, just when I seem to be opening up more and able to share more, wham! a lot more stuff has been happening this past week and I feel real silent again and it is really hard to find the words. Well this sucks.
On the plus side, which I still haven’t been able to talk much about the some of the big stuff this past year, even in therapy and here on the blog.
One thing I started doing in October last year was soul retrieval work, which has been incredible and fantastic and very, very healing, but the words just don’t seem to come out to share about it and to feel about it and to really get a good grip on what happened and what is still happening. I hope mentioning it here helps me to start trying to post more about that process.
I was able to go to therapy this afternoon and was able to condense some of the big shit that has been happening this week and what it means and how I have been thinking and feeling and processing. So that is a really good sign.
I’ve been doing a lot of inner multiple system work, in our inner living reality of the system, which has really been exhausting and very essential, and I hope that I will be able to share some of that and for some of the inners to share more about that as well on our private blog.
Friends online and in person, who know that I am multiple, have been tremendously supportive in our healing process and have often asked what it is like to be multiple, what kind of stuff can I do, how can I do things better to be there for you?
And quite frankly it has always been so hard for me to deal with finding an adequate answer. I am thinking that I might be able to write something about what we are going through within/inside the system, as we interact with one another, as a way of trying to explain some of what it feels like and how we experience being multiple. Well we will be thinking about it and trying to write about it.
A lot of the things of life are good and I am still doing many fun and enjoyable things every week, even if it is only to read a book that I want, watch a movie or a tv show that I want. That has been the good part of the healing process over the years.
The suckie parts still suck. Sharing about a huge portion of my healing process has been such an integral part of my healing, my life, and my soul. It has always been really necessary and important to be able to just put it all out there. So this has been particularly difficult to not be able to find the words to write or say. I am able to write more and post more and that has been very helpful, moving in the right direction I think and I am hoping, and I will continue to keep working on it.