Hierarchy of Disagreements

In five years it has been rare that I get someone who disagrees with what I post and makes a comment here, in a way that negates and judges the experiences of myself and other survivors of child sexual abuse. It does happen.
I often get non-survivors, offenders, allies to offenders, and apologists on my blog, largely due to the number of resource pages that I have available for survivors of sexual abuse and sexual violence. They are often trolling for illegal materials of child sexual abuse, on my resource pages, of which there are none. Non-survivors are welcome. Offenders and their allies are not.
If you are not a survivor of child sexual abuse or sexual abuse/violence, in the non-survivor privileged class, you may find many things here that you don’t like or agree with. This blog is not here for you primarily or expressly, to make you feel comfortable, to pretend or hide the full range of abuse aftereffects, emotions, challenges, and struggles. This blog is here for me. This blog is here for survivors. This blog is here for family members, friends, lovers, allies of survivors and me.
You are welcome here and it is my hope that, as most others have done, you are, will be, or become an ally to survivors. Please remember this and recall how you would want to be treated.
You don’t have to agree with me or what is posted here, but how would you feel if I came to your blog and judged you, your loved ones, and your best friends in comments, refuting your right to feel what you are feeling, saying that things you and others you knew experiences were not bad or not that bad anymore, that what you are dealing with or suffering from and the emotions you are feelings are judged inappropriate and wrong? Or to change the facts of your life and others who experience what you are going through and twist them around by refusing to believe them. I feel certain that you would not want nor appreciate being treated like that.
Especially please take into account that I and those who come here are survivors of child sexual abuse, domestic violence, and sexual assault and their allies. Please keep this in mind. As a non-survivor, if you don’t understand or agree with something and your natural response is to judge, diminish, or demean what is being shared, you are invited to keep it to yourself.
My blog is my healing space, a space for myself, one that I created and formed out of my own creative need, creative love, and creative desire to be what I needed the most in all the world and did not have, and could not find anywhere else. As such it is a miracle and a holy space.
So my blog is my home, a place of healing, peace, and safety. As such I feel perfectly entitled to create boundaries here that meet my needs and that I think are good for the survivors who visit here, to make it a space where they too can find healing, peace, and safety.
I don’t believe that other survivor bloggers encourage dissent, discussion, disagreements by non-survivors about the reality of being an adult survivor of child sexual abuse. I do not. Bloggers of other types of blogs may encourage, tolerate, or allow such things.
I have family members who tell me how it shouldn’t take survivors so long to heal, that it’s not that bad, that rage and revenge should not be felt or expressed, etc, etc, etc. I hate that. I fucking fucking hate that.
Other bloggers that I read, on a number of topics, allow and interact with the range of arguers on the pyramid of disagreements, pictured below. I do not. I have read many and seen how much hurt the emotional and verbal abusers have inflicted on some of the sweetest, kindest, and most supportive bloggers I have ever read. I have seen bloggers stop blogging because of these things or stop for six months or more at a time.
That will not be welcome here. No blogger is obligated to give someone else free speech on their blog and unlimited access to their blog readers. I will not. All comments are moderated here and will not automatically be posted.

Hierarchy of Disagreement

5 thoughts on “Hierarchy of Disagreements

  1. Dear Kate and the ‘littles’,
    I so support your right to your own space and using your own voice! You have given me, buckets of hope and inspiration . I’m so grateful for your sharing, your resource pages have been of great comfort to me. I’m so sorry that anyone would challenge your personal views, experiences and most importantly FEELINGS! Sending strength and gratitude for standing up for those of us trying to get by as adults, inspite of past experiences……lol
    Love Ziggy


  2. Pingback: Survivor by guest @AngieRobinson90 - Rachel in the OC

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