I’ve been more dissociated lately about the month and the date this past week. Then it dawned on me, yeah no ritual abuse trigger dates coming up, but it is my female parent’s date of birth on Saturday. And that has been a bad yearly date for several years.
When your mother is your sexual offender, mother-daughter sexual abuse, it pretty much makes every day a trigger day when it comes to mother stuff. In addition, some days are much worse than others, like Mother’s Day and her birth date.
I had started looking for a place to move to, but my anxiety and fears had gotten ratcheted up really bad this week. Then I remembered the upcoming date and decided to take a couple of days off to try to cope. Even though the day is still coming up, I felt better right away.
Today I will go for a long bike ride and go to the local buffet restaurant and have a good time, read a book, and sit and have some favorite foods. I have a coupon! Friday I am thinking about going to the movie theater to see something that just came out. I don’t have plans for Saturday, but I will be working on some ideas until then.
Even if my plans are to do nothing, to expect nothing from myself, to comfort myself, to sleep as much as I want, and to be gentle and loving and kind to myself, that is good enough. And it shows how far I have come and how much we have healed.