As a survivor of ritual abuse there are yearly anniversary trigger dates that are particularly hard for me. It’s always amazing to me that no matter how much I don’t pay attention to the calendar, my body and our system seems to keep track of it very well.
I know from past experiences that I get a little spacey, more dissociative. Still the dissociation is usually strong enough for it not to click into my mind, oh yeah here comes another date that is difficult for us.
It usually starts about ten days before the date. I will have trouble remembering what day it is of the month and it keeps happening day after day, no matter how much effort I put into knowing the date the day before. I think it was somewhat worse this time, because I had recently done several health appointments that were stressful and exhausting, coupled with a cold. I think the cold was brought on by the anniversary trigger date. That’s fairly common for me as well, for the stress to make me sick.
Finally I’ll put it together in my mind a few days beforehand. Then I just plan on taking that day easy, getting as much sleep as I can, and taking as gentle care as possible. I read as much as I wanted to, saw one of my favorite movies, took bike rides, spent fun time with doggie, and ate chocolate mug cake with chocolate ice cream. I’d really like to be able to celebrate the changing of the seasons on these dates, but in the meantime I am happy that I am able to celebrate myself by taking good and gentle care of us.
As a wonderful bonus I get to go to a parade on Friday and fireworks on Saturday, unless there is rain. I am looking forward to both.