I Know When You’re Listening

After knowing you for the last few years, I know that I am not your friend and that I will never be your friend. I’ve known that for a long time.

We don’t hang out together, there really is no reason to. But when we interact with others, you try to shut me out and shut me up. I know when you’re listening. I know when you aren’t listening. When I start talking in a group and half way through my first sentence I can tell you aren’t listening anymore. I know you were listening. I know that you stopped and aren’t listening anymore.

To listen would cost you so little. It wouldn’t even be necessary to care about me, just common courtesy. I’ve listened to you, lots. Lots of inane stories, beliefs, incidents, daily happenings, etc. This is what people do, they listen to one another. Even my family of origin, some of them are terrible emotional and verbal abusers, don’t treat me like this.

Maybe my conversational skills are not sparkling. I think they are pretty good. I’m smart. I have two degrees. I care intensely about human rights. I am knowledgable about current events. I care about people. I am attentive and a fan of a number of subjects, television shows, movies, novels, pop culture, society, culture, etc.

I know that you have been told that I am “sensitive.” It doesn’t take a “sensitive” or intutive person to tell when someone is tuning them out or when someone is rude or short with them. Tones of voice are easy for anyone to interpret. Anyone can tell that someone never says hello or goodbye or asks for a favor, but expects them, and never says thank you, and never does anything in return, or when someone returns a belonging that is damaged or not at all. You don’t have to be “sensitive” in order to notice or be hurt by any of those things. Recripocity is a concept beyond you.

When I damage or ruin something of someone else’s, through accident or neglect, I give the person money to replace it and I’m poor and on a small disability fixed income. This would be a normal and acceptable societal behavior.

Yes I expect you to treat me with as much integrity and respect as I treat you. No you won’t be getting anything else from me, not my respect, not my time, not my love, not my friendship. I gave you lots of time and opportunities, but no more. No it’s not that much worse than how the other people we both know have been treating me. But they have not been given my friendship either.

I deserve better than that. I deserve better than that from you. I deserve better than that from them.  No, no one can make someone else be what they want or need. No I am not trying to do that. I am just saying it is over.

I really am a very devoted and loyal friend to those who love and care about me. My friendship is a precious thing. You will never know.

15 thoughts on “I Know When You’re Listening

    • Hi Hope,

      Oh, thank you for saying that. That is quite a compliment.

      I would like to be able to go out more and meet more people, which will give me a better opportunity of finding more people to associate with. My health and limitations get in the way of that. After moving I will try harder to find ways to attend more things that I enjoy and doing more things that have a chance of connecting more with others. I’m not getting what I want now in face-to-face situations, but I believe strongly that I can have a positive effect on this.

      Thank you for your encouragement. Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

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    • Hi,

      Thank you dear.

      I would say that I have not given a lot, just a lot more than I got back. But that is my way. I am proud to say that I did not freely give my love and my friendship, but the opportunity for her and others to win them. That is a huge difference for me due, I think, to healing.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Like

    • Hi Granny,

      Thank you.

      It is being loved by others, including you, that has taught me I have a right to expect more and to realize that I work to get it.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Like

  1. I remember once hearing about this tribal culture that measured intelligence by the amount of intuitiveness that a person had. In such a culture, you would be revered, sweet Kate.

    Albert Einstein once said that if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree then that fish will live its whole life thinking it is stupid.

    My point is, whoever this bitch is that is not seeing your beautiful grace, she is judging you by all the wrong criteria. What an idiot she is.
    -Butterfly

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    • Dear Butterfly,

      Thank you dear.

      I do believe she is an idiot.

      I do understand she is at one level of functioning and healing, which is to say low and not much, and I am at another and we do not fit together well. I think that is why she seems like such an idiot. In her own grouping of people, she fits in there. I don’t fit in there. I don’t fit in with her either. I do think that people can learn to be friends even though they are not on the same levels. Still, I believe, anyone can learn to pay attention and be respectful to others, if they want. No one taught that to me, I taught it to myself while still a little child, so I know it can be done. She didn’t want to, doesn’t want to, and that is not good enough for me.

      She’s hurt me a lot with her treatment of me and that is sad, on so many levels. Thank you so much for seeing such beauty in me. I treasure that. I treasure you.

      Good and healing thoughts to you and to those you love.

      Kate

      Like

  2. I’m glad you knew when to cut her off. I had done this a couple of years ago and my BFF told me that I owed the other “friend” at least an explanation of why I cut her off.

    I love my BFF, but I disagree. Sometimes we need a savior and sometimes that savior is ourselves.

    Lovely post,
    Love, Dawne

    Like

    • Hi,

      We were never friends, so I don’t believe there is any need to explain to her why we won’t ever become friends. It is very odd, but the last few times I have seen her she has been nice to me. I don’t share much around her and that is for the best, because she doesn’t want to act like a potential friend.

      I’m sorry if your BFF believes that. Hmm, sometimes friends tell us things they think are in our best interest. I can see her point, but I can’t agree. Good for you on doing what was right for you.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Like

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