Childhood abuse teaches us many bad and false beliefs. We become numb inside to survive. We are detached from our minds, our bodies, and our emotions. This makes it harder for us to find ourselves and our joys in life. It makes it harder for us to believe we are blameless in abuse and to be taught that we are to blame for all our problems and emotions and troubles. Conversely it makes it hard for us to take competent control of our own lives, no matter how much we wish to do so.
My mother was my first sexual offender (Mother-Daughter Sexual Abuse). Having a mother who sexually abuses you cuts you off from the first person in the world who can love you and help convince yourself that you are loveable and deserving. My mother as a sexual offender used a number of varied emotional and verbal abuse techniques as well to take over my mind and convince me to believe all the lies she told about me. My mind became enemy territory.
Some of us have a lot more to deal with to get there, but there is a way to get where you want to go, or at least I believe there is a path that is worth walking for the rest of my life that is worthy of my walking it and healing along the way. I believe in healing. I intend to get many places, but whatever happens, I intend to help heal and to love myself, and it is our wish to help others as well, in the process on this journey.
There is a quote from the Bible, that is like a prayer to God, that I love, which encapsulates what I believe I am doing for the rest of my life, but I will just have to paraphrase here:
Oh Lord help me to take back what has been lost to the enemy. It is the closest description of what I believe healing is. I believe this is possible. I can and am taking back my mind, my thoughts, my beliefs from the enemy. I will continue to do so. I am more and more sure that others will find their healing path as well.