Sometimes the biggest leaps in healing are so hard to put into words and to describe. It’s because they are so small in comparison to how many words it takes to talk about them, small as an atom and about as powerful. The words just seem to go on and on. I’ve been talking about my most recent leap in healing and I just keep talking about it, saying the same things over and over.
What I know is that the healing work I have been doing in the last few months are why I have had this leap in healing. Working on connectedness, practicing being calm and assertive (advice from The Dog Whisperer on how to approach life, to be a good pack leader, and to be a good dog owner), understanding the impact of self-pity being an inferior message to myself and that sorrow about my life was drowning me in sorrow rather than joy and healing and being willing to abandon those practices in my daily life, imagining myself wearing an invisible magical cape before I go out in public thanks to an idea from my friend Granny at the blog The Village Granny from her blog post The Magic Capes, my connectenedness to other survivors and other survivors blogs and being able to remind myself all the good and loving things that they say to me and about me, writing and posting about a sexually abusive relationship while being an adult on my blog, continuing to take a real hard look at the impact of verbal and emotional abuses and their aftermath in my adult life, and continuing to work on self-care and bliss have all made a huge impression on my life and healing lately.
My really huge leap in healing is that I am finally making a huge dent in my previously unconscious negative beliefs about myself. They aren’t unconscious anymore. Now I recall those who abused me implanting these messages long ago.
I have seen behind the curtain like Dorothy does in the Wizard of Oz and like her I see that once I see the truth I don’t have to believe in the omnipotence of those who would use and abuse me to their own purposes. Even if everyone in the world agreed with them, I don’t have to agree with them.
I was once tiny and vulnerable to them, no more. For behind there are abusers who are telling me to ignore them, that I am truly inferior and unworthy, and I see that they are really talking about themselves and not me. I don’t believe them anymore.
Each day, I am sure, will bring up more messages that I will get the opportunity to refute and to tell myself a new message, one of love, acceptance, wholeness, and healing, ones that I now believe in when I tell myself them. It’s going to be pretty exciting.