Child Sexual Abuse into Adulthood

I was sexually abused until I was twenty-four years old. There was a man who abused me for over twenty years. Yes, it was still sexual abuse. No, even though I was an adult physically, I was not able to give consent to someone who had sexually abused me since I was a preschooler, because my no was not respected and honored. I had no boundaries, no safety, no protections from this person, no matter what age I was.

Even though I was an adult, I still consider it child sexual abuse.

In the last ten years I have known a large number of adult survivors of child sexual abuse who have disclosed they went through this as well.

I used to think that was rare. It is not rare. I think it is something that is very hard to disclose.

As survivors we blame ourselves, others blame us, abusers blame us, society blames victims. It is hard to put those lies aside and disclose. It is hard to feel this vulnerable and to share it.

It is very common among ritual abuse survivors, especially by ritual abuse members and family members. Being dissociative makes those of us with DID even more vulnerable to re-abuse in adulthood.

It is not commonly talked about in the healing community as a topic. It is not often written about in books on child sexual abuse and healing.

I do not recall reading a book, outside of the topic of ritual abuse, where it is discussed by the therapeutic community or disclosed by a survivor.

There are a number of books that I have not read, so it is possible. I have just noticed that it does not seem to have entered the public consciousness, yet.

I have read and posted lots of resource links pages for survivors, but have never come across an article or website on this topic in the last four or five years. Again, it could be out there, I just don’t know about it and I do a lot of searching.

In the last eight years I’ve been online in many survivor forums. Several of my closest survivor friends met on boards have experienced on-going child sexual abuse into adulthood. There are several brave survivors on blogs who acknowledge they were child sexually abused into their adulthoods. Some of them are my best friends.

I am a survivor of child sexual abuse while being an adult.

14 thoughts on “Child Sexual Abuse into Adulthood

  1. I’m so sorry. You’re right about it rarely being discussed. It feels weird and difficult to even talk about it in therapy because I often feel like it was my fault and I could have prevented it.

    This weekend is the 16th anniversary of the last time my father molested me and I was 28. It took me a while to find a therapist back then who could help me deal with it, too. I don’t think they knew which category to put me in.

    I haven’t brought this up in therapy for nearly a year because I’m so embarrassed. Thanks for writing about it.

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    • Hi Lisa,

      Thank you for your response. I’m so sorry that you can relate. Yeah, the shame can be so thick about this. I understand how hard this is to talk about in therapy. I never did, mostly because I had trouble finding a great trauma therapist after remembering. It would still be hard, even if I found the right therapist. It is something that I will need to do in the future, if I find a good therapist.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

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  2. Oh, My Kate! Thank you for writing this! And I am SO sorry that this happened to you! I hate it! I was wondering if you would consider re-posting it to the cycle of healing blog……..or could we put a link that says, “please read this article…..@kate1975.wordpress.com?
    It’s okay if you would rather not. I just think it would really help. Thank you for your bravery!
    may your freedom continue!

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  3. Hi Kate,
    I agree, that is child sexual abuse. The grooming that happens is intense, and it takes well into adulthood to get the resources together to even know where to begin to stop it. I can totally understand why in a RA environment where a person gets trained to be hopeless about any kind of safety or rescue within a large group of people, that it could easily take until well into your 20s to get to a safe place, especially from an abuser who had started when you were 4.

    Blessings to you,
    SDW

    Like

    • Hi SDW,

      Thank you for your comments. I appreciate them so much and you.

      I did not find a way to be free from this person. I got free when he died. Unfortunately I soon ended up with a hateful abusive boyfriend. Since I escaped that person, at age 27, I have been free from abuse in a sexual relationship, and I am very proud of that, mostly because I did not find someone who I thought was safe enough to be with and was fine to be alone.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

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  4. As I read through all of the post I find myself crying due to the fact of two reasons: one is because I now know that I am not alone and two because i see that there is not really anyone out there to help.

    My sexual abuse is by my older half- brother and it started at the age of 6 and it just ended about four years ago and I am now about to turn 39.
    I am embarassed. I am embarassed because I am a police officer and I can help everyone else but could not save myself!

    The thing about it is that I did not stop it it just stopped on its own. I just recently cut out communication with him but now I feel the anger growing in me.

    Because of this situation it has affected my relationship with my partner to the point that we argue alot about this.

    Kate Thank you for your post and the courage to post it. I’m glad that you have found a way to do self healing, which has lead to helping others heal.

    Toni

    Like

    • Hi Toni,

      Thank you for stopping by and reading this post. It was a very important post for me to write. First let me say, no you are not alone. I have other friends who have gone through it as well. I’ve met some online who are still being abused.

      I now believe that it happens often enough to sexual abuse survivors not to be considered rare. We all know of the danger of entering into an abusive relationship as an adult due to child sexual abuse, including forced prostitution and stripping. But continuing to be sexually abused and exploited into adulthood by our child abusers is not well known and definitely not understood.

      So second let me say that by no means are you without someone to help you. All good sexual abuse trauma therapists are knowledgeable and can help you to deal with this and to work on healing.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Like

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