Anonymity Online

The topic of anonymity came up on another DID survivor blog recently, Astrids’ Blog, see her Disclosure post; an accusation that not posting your real and full name online meant you were a liar and a faker. An accusation that did not include a real name.

I wanted to respond to this:

1) I have a blog for me, for healing, as a resource for others, for connection, to give and get support, for friendships with other survivors; not to prove something or to prove that I am telling the truth or to make sense to others or to convince someone of anything.

2) This is not a legal case in court. In no way am I required to share anything about the facts of the abuse I went through. In no way must I give up my right not to share my name. In no way must I prove what I have experienced as a child. The burden of proof is not required on a blog nor on someone who is abused. Reading  a blog does not make you judge or jury. We are not in court. This is a blog. 

3) There are many ways that one multiple is similar as well as different from other multiples. Comparing our differences and doing a litmus test standard is counter-productive, the opposite of healing, and not something that I will take part in, especially when the litmus test is as inaccurate and unscientific as using a full name online and being the same as someone else.

4) Other survivors choose to share their name or not for their own reasons. I respect that everyone has a right to determine what to share and when and why. I don’t share. That decision has nothing to do with my survivor friends and survivor readers.

5) I am not selling a book, I am not a therapist, nor do I have a business online, so I won’t be using my full or accurate name online. These are reasons I would consider using my name online.

6) I do not have a non-profit, yet, to help survivors of abuse and trauma. I do not have a website set up, yet, for this non-profit. I would consider using my name at some point in that process.

7) There are perverts and freaks and abusers and trollers looking to offend against others online. They are looking for attention and victims. I won’t make it easier for them to do what they like to do, i.e. hurt and offend against others. I don’t appreciate and don’t like abusers hurting multiples.

8 ) I deserve to be safe and to feel safe online, as much as possible. Every survivor of abuse has this right; to share as much as they want or not to share at all. The needs and desires of an abuser never come into the calculations of this for me. And they never will.

12 thoughts on “Anonymity Online

  1. Good grief! Even for people who aren’t trauma survivors, revealing identity online can be terribly dangerous, especially for women. It’s shocking that there are people so ill-informed and/or foolish that they wouldn’t understand that, quickly and easily. I’m glad you’ve made the choice to stay safe. Your authenticity has nothing to do with the name you use; it has to do with the person you are. And you’re as real as real can be.


    • Hi David,

      Thank you.

      I really object to abusiveness online to multiples. I really hate people like this who think it is normal and fun to try to make others more vulnerable and humiliated. None of us have to perform for others.

      Thank you so much for saying that about my authenticity. It is so nice to be seen. Good and healing thoughts to you.



  2. I often find that those who are talking about using full names on the Internet, are those who are trying to discredit your point of view; or are losing the argument, so are deflecting the issue.

    I’ve used this online alias since I first came online about 13 odd years ago… it has more meaning in the online world than my real name.

    Take care,


    • Hi CG,

      I agree with you. I can’t imagine why someone would go around online and be abusive, but I’m glad that they are not fitting in amoung those who are working on healing.

      I love your online name. Good and healing thoughts to you.



  3. Personally, I think it is downright dangerous to share certain things online. Some people have built things that could be threatened by sharing certain details. Take the examples of people who get fired from their jobs after posting to Facebook as a for instance. And no one is obligated to share things online that they would prefer to keep private. I think you are taking care of yourself by blogging in the way that best suits YOU.

    –Ethereal Highway


    • Hi Ethereal Highway,

      Thank you.

      I wanted to let everyone else know what I thought about this and that they too deserve to make their own choices. Someone who demands that we give up all our privacy in order to be believed is a loon and an abuser.

      Thanks for being here. Good and healing thoughts to you.



  4. Hi Kate,

    Very astute post, and I am so glad you wrote it. I choose to remain completely anonymous online as well, and with good reason. I bet anything that the person who wrote that to you does not have any good intentions towards you. Good for you for using your survivor skills to understand that. Also, and I truly mean this – FUCK THEM.

    – Butterfly


    • Hi Butterfly,

      I can’t imagine choosing to mistreat others, online or otherwise. It is sickening to me when others want to do it.

      Thank you dear. Good and healing thoughts to you.



  5. I’m with you all on this. The person who made that comment is completely stupid and wrong. Of course you wouldn’t use your real name online, it’s basic security, no matter what you were writing about.



    • Hi SDW,

      Yes, I agree. I know a few people who do use their name. I wouldn’t, I don’t like my real name. And then there is safety.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.



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