The Aftermath of a Ritual Abuse Trigger Day

I had a bad trigger day this week. I had forgotten that it was approaching, but my body, my system knew. That’s the thing about ritual abuse, you never forget, even if you try to put it out of your mind, it is still there and keeps coming around.

It came creeping up on me days in advance. Everything made me cry this past week, so sentimental movies were out of the question. So I tried to catch up on tv shows I had lost track of. Even so the plot twists in a normal show were still leaving me in tears.

I had been crying more often in the past few weeks. That is a good sign. I have been feeling much safer in my new place and with safety comes the return to a deeper healing. That is nice, not crying per se, just that I am accessing deeper healing.

I was very withdrawn this past week, well for me. I was still doing a lot of stuff online. I went outside once in the past week and that was on the trigger day. I just needed to see the sun shining. It was lovely.

I used some of my self-care/comforting skills. That was nice. I have my computer working and that was great. At times I just sit and do something online with a page open to my blog and I check on it a lot. For me, that is amazingly comforting and reduces my anxiety.

I found some more Songs for Self(ves) to post. Usually I find ones that represents me singing the lyrics to the system, giving them my love and support. I found one that is about me singing to the system asking for their love and support. I think it is a real turning point for me, that I believe that I am worthy of their love and support.

Overall emotionally things have settled down. But the stress and the triggering and the anxiety of us going through an annual trigger date has contributed to my feeling sick. Not sure yet if it is the flu or a cold. I’m trying to fight it off. Trying to take good care of myself and get well, because I deserve it.

21 thoughts on “The Aftermath of a Ritual Abuse Trigger Day

  1. Your right kate, you do deserve to be well. I am glad you could use your comforting skills to feel well in yourself. I like your songs for healing part of your blog. If you read my blog you’ll see another one in there that I put up when I read your latest one.
    hugs
    Carol anne

    many of us
    http://hotbanana.wordpress.com

    Like

    • Hi Carol anne,

      Thanks. I find them very healing. They aren’t always my favorite songs, but they speak to me and to us of healing and that is the point of them to me, to help me in my healing. I’ll check out your latest song post, thanks.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Like

  2. Kate,
    Do you want to be a part of a support group we run? Its a yahoo group for ppl with did.

    I’d love it if you could join us!

    Carol anne

    Like

  3. Kate,
    This is Emily. I have only one blog. I share with others. We have a few blogs registered on the same screen name. I guess I didnt think and I could have got my own.

    O well. I will have to make do now. The other two blogs on that screen name belong to Carol anne et al. And the emilymultiplied one is mine.

    Emily

    ps…I was dxed as mult a week ago. I am still a kid so its hard. I am a cousin of Carol annes.

    Like

    • Hi Emily,

      Thanks for explaining that to me. I’m sorry that you are dealing with so much and have been diagnosed so recently. How old is your body, are you twelve? How old is Carol anne? Are you living in a safe place? I hope so. Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Like

  4. Hi Kate,

    Trigger days suck. One is coming up for us, too. I have decided that to take care myself this weekend, I am going to spend some time on your blog. You have worked really hard on your lists and I’m sure there are many people that appreciate them very much.

    Thank you for all your feedback on my blog. It’s been really helpful for me (and my husband).

    Cheers,
    Elle

    Like

    • Hi Elle,

      You’re welcome. I like visiting your blog and it is obvious your posts are well-thought out as well as addressing the emotional side of being a survivor; showing many good qualities you have.

      Please stay safe and give yourself some time to process and recover after reading as the resources topics and my blog can be triggering and bring up a survivor’s own issues quite easily. I just wanted to tell you that it is okay to avoid some topics or come back to them later. The resources and my blog will be around for some time in the future. It is okay to go at your own pace. Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Like

  5. I don’t really have anything constructive to say, just that I hope you feel better as the day progresses. I hate days like that and I seem to be having them a lot lately.

    Also, thank you for the support on my blog.

    Campbell

    Like

    • Hi Campbell,

      Thanks for that well wishes. I appreciate that. I sometimes don’t know what to say as well. Comments mean so much to me, so don’t worry if you don’t know something to say, even a hi is nice to get.

      You’re welcome. I can relate to some of what you write about your mother, mine was very abusive and not a good mother or protector. I’m sorry that you went through so much. Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Like

  6. Hi Kate,
    Sorry you’re having a trigger day. My trigger stuff is like that too, I get a moody/sensitive lead up, or nightmarey, or anxious with night fears. Not fun. I’m glad you have a safe space to cry in. That’s a gift. Sending you good and healing thoughts.

    virtual hug,
    SDW

    Like

    • Hi SDW,

      Thanks and especially thank you for the virtual hug. Hugs are appreicated, any time. Things are quieting down. I notice that some big changes have been happening. One of them is that even though I am not feeling well, my emotions are much improved and am feeling much more positive than I usually am capable of. Also I am at a stage where I am asking the system for support and believe that I am worthy of it and their love. This in addition to the difference in my emotions this past month, well I see some huge progress in healing. Getting through a trigger date seems a small thing compared to the big things happening. Thanks for being here. Good and healing thoughts to you as well.

      Kate

      Like

  7. I’ve forgotten it too and was badly reminded with some flashbacks when I went outside my house *sigh*
    It helps me, when I remember myself again and again that we have survived all these days in the past and today we can fight for a better life. I think, it’s very important to try to soothe the little ones. We always have a lot of stuffies or a blanket ready at hand for these days.
    Be safe
    LSC

    Like

    • Hi LSC,

      I agree with you, today we can fight for a better life. I agree with you about taking care of the littles. It is important. Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Like

    • Hi Austin,

      Thanks. There are dates that are bad around my mother and her abuses as well. It kind of keeps my calender full. I’m sorry you deal with this.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.

      Kate

      Like

    • Ritual abuse is frequent, prolonged, and systematic physical, sexual, and psychological torture used to control children and adults that uses mind control, calculated torture, rituals, and an ideology within an organized secret group setting. The abuse is used to harm, manipulate, control, and indoctrinate the victim, and ensure her long-term silence, co-operation, and participation.

      What is Ritual Abuse?

      I have a page on ritual abuse on my resource links page:

      Ritual Abuse Resources

      Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.