Body Love: My Body is My Temple Part 4

Something happened. I think it is related to my body love work. A guy I barely know touched me and I pulled away and told him not to touch me. That is huge progress in my life. Usually I am so consumed with rage when someone oversteps my boundaries it is hard to say anything. I feel all shut down. I feel scared of my rage at the person. I feel as though I can’t express anything I am feeling appropriately. Not this time.

He was talking and walking towards me and I told him before he got near me that I did not need or want his help. He still did. I was expressing anger in my words and voice, a lot of anger. His concept of personal space is inappropriate, so unfortunately he had gotten too close to me. He reached out and touched my upper arm while he was talking to me. I pulled away. It was one of those touches that men do to women when they are trying to control them, trying to put them in their place. I hate that. I hate men like that.

I told him, “Don’t touch. I don’t want to be touched. Don’t touch me” He stared at me like he thought I was crazy.  I was enraged. I was angry. And I wanted him to see that.

In our short acquaintance he has impressed upon me with his casual mistreatment of his wife, his lack of parenting, his judgmental treatments of others, his awe of ministers who focus on being rich in their sermons, his awe of television evangelists who spew racism, sexism, and hatred. He saw how repulsive I thought he was to touch me. He is repulsive. I loathe him.

I just can’t believe that someone who met me less than a week ago could touch me like that. I am an older single woman and he is a married man. I don’t let married men touch me unless we are very close friends. There is nothing about our interactions that has led him to believe that would be okay. I only hug three of my brothers and mostly they don’t use their hands to hug. They use mostly their arms, shoulders, and that feels safer for me. I wouldn’t let one of my brothers touch me like he did. I certainly won’t let someone like him touch me.

11 thoughts on “Body Love: My Body is My Temple Part 4

  1. Hi Kate,

    Well done on keeping your boundaries clear. It sounds like this person didn’t understand, or respect that different people have different personal spaces. Hopefully he would have learned not to touch you like this again…

    Take care,
    CG

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    • Hi CG,

      He gets too close to me still. But now I don’t turn my back or side to him, so I can see him if he comes towards me easier and move away from him. He still doesn’t get it and I think he thinks it is about me, rather than you don’t treat women like this. I hope that he keeps his distance, but so far he doesn’t. I do.

      Thanks for your comment.

      Kate

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  2. Good for you, Kate. I think it’s related to the body love work too. If you love your body, you defend it.

    He may not get it, but that’s his problem. Sounds like he’s someone you can’t avoid completely? Too bad.

    Good and healing thoughts to you,
    SDW

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    • Hi SDW,

      Yeah he is someone I can’t avoid completely or I never would have had anything to do with him. He is a friend of my brother roommate. Now when I see him I give him a stare and purposely avoid walking near him.

      Kate

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  3. Hi Kate,

    This sounds like great boundary work! Some people do need to be told firmly and regularly to back off.. unfortunately. At least maybe now you’ve done it once you can do it again if necessary?

    Could you point me in the direction of what is the “body love work” if you’ve written about it elsewhere? Would be interested to understand more.

    Best P

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    • Hi Petr.,

      Thanks. Yes, I think that I will definitely be able to do it again. My hope is that I won’t ever been touched by a skeevy man again, but that might be too much to hope for. He hasn’t touched me again and hopefully I won’t ever have to see him again. That will be lovely. He told me today that he was leaving and I would never have to see him the rest of my life. And I said, that would be wonderful.

      If you scroll down on my blog on the right hand side of the screen, there is a dropdown screen called categories, if you open that up and click onto the category body love or body esteem all the posts on that category should come up for you to see and read.

      Kate

      Like

  4. Beautiful Kate – how wonderful and amazing! You planted your boundaries firmly, someone trampled on them, and you planted them even firmer. You are a hero!!!! Reading this entry made me smile – thank you so much for that.

    Like

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