Aftereffects List #36

36. Compulsive honesty or compulsive dishonesty (lying).

I was compulsively honest. I told things that were none of anyone else’s business, often to people who did not care about me and did not respect me, my life, or my boundaries.

When I was very little it was common for my mother to ask me questions. I was expected to answer her or she would physically attack me. I see that as directly linked to disclosing to others answers to questions. It took me a long time to really understand I owe my allegiance to myself and to my own personal safety and integrity and that I get to decide what I tell others.

I think it is common for survivors to have difficulties with boundaries. We want so badly for others to love us and for them to attach to us. We see how others seem to get that through interpersonal interactions.

We often try to be very available to others and to give a great deal just so that we can be considered worthy. That often reflects the self-esteem level that we have due to abuse. Establishing good boundaries is often one of the hardest parts of healing. It includes how much we share with others and how much we give to others.

I have had a few friends that were compulsively  dishonest. I even have family members like that. I would say that it was very hard to keep a friendship with them, to see them, or to interact with them. But at that time I was very dysfunctional and no one I knew really cared for  me and was often with people who were not really my friends.

2 thoughts on “Aftereffects List #36

    • Hi SDW,

      Thanks. I’m glad. It is hard to beleive but I only have one more item on the list to post. It has been great for so many days to have a topic to write about. Otherwise I was pretty lost, some days.

      I am already thinking about another series. I am calling it Lies Abuse Taught Me. Things like I am unloveable, no one will ever love me, I am ugly and repulsive, etc. I know that non-survivors can grow up to believe these things too, but I think these beliefs are very common for survivors.

      Good and healing thoughts to you.



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