Survivor Aftereffects List #14

14. Rigid control of thought process; extreme solemnity/humorlessness or extreme wit (often sharp).

This one is probably the easiest one to post about. At first I thought I don’t deal with these issues, but then thinking about them shows that I do.

I have in the past had big issues with a need for rigid thought control. I had a lot of trouble seeing the world/people the way that they really were. I needed to believe the world was better, nicer, kinder, safer than it really was. It took me into a really bad, horrible, emotionally abusive relationship for me to accept how tthings really were. I guess he abused me out of it.

I already posted about how difficult it is for me to be happy and to show it. My face is a mask, despite my best efforts, it is still an issue. So I suppose on the outside I look solemn a lot of the time.

I have a very sarcastic sense of humor, at times, and am trying to get myself out of expressing that when it seems to be mean spirited towards others. I think that I used it as a self-defense.That is how all my family are and I know from deep personal experience how painful and wounding that can be.

2 thoughts on “Survivor Aftereffects List #14

  1. Yep, me too.

    My family has always been that way. Sarcastic to the core and it can be fun, and funny, until it’s turned on someone and then it can be biting and hurtful.

    I’ve “honed” my extreme wit as a method of survival. My daughter calls it my “Tank mode”. I’m not sure how, but I verbally back someone into a corner and let them hang themselves. I don’t do it to be mean or controlling, it usually comes out when I’m being harassed or I feel threatened.


  2. Hi Ivory,

    I can relate to what you are saying and understand it.

    Working on being good and kind to others. It is a challenge sometimes when they don’t want to be good and kind.

    I get real willing to tell the truth when someone is being inappropriate to me. I hold back a lot, though I’m considering the merits of saying it like it is in the future.



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