My Poetry

Being a Scapegoat

living alone in a big family
you have lots of people
who don’t talk to you
you have lots of people
who don’t understand
you and don’t care to

you stand near them
yearning to be warmed
by their presence
but they turn
and their shoulders
burn you with their chill

they love you
but it is not real
their love is
a shadow, a ghost,
a whispy cloud,

a figment
that quickly passes
out of their soul
and dissipates
into thin air

whenever they need
someone to blame or hurt,
for them to feel better;
they turn to you

they can’t ever see you,
not the real you,
when they look at you.
else how could they
hurt you so?

and yet
you are always there
so they can
laugh at you
call you filth
and push you away

of course you are there
your little legs are
not big enough
to run away

you stand there
yearning for a love
living on the periphery
of a life
that was meant
to be yours.

~ Kate

8 thoughts on “My Poetry

  1. From Wikipedia:

    The scapegoat was a goat that was driven off into the wilderness as part of the ceremonies of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, in Judaism during the times of the Temple in Jerusalem. The rite is described in Leviticus 16.

    Since this goat, carrying the sins of the people placed on it, is sent away to perish, the word “scapegoat” has come to mean a person, often innocent, who is blamed and punished for the sins, crimes, or sufferings of others, generally as a way of distracting attention from the real causes.

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  2. I was always a scapegoat. No matter what I do, or where I go, I become a scapegoat – it’s always a matter of time.

    Your poem has wonderful insight and you said it beautifully.

    Ivory

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    • Hi Ivory,

      I’m sorry that you were abused like this. You have always struck me as a woman with so much personal integrity, despite all that you have gone through. I feel certain that others in your life can feel that and wonder at their abuses of you.

      I can relate to it always happening, whever you go. I hope with all my heart that you experience love and acceptance where you go online. I know you deserve it.

      Thank you for your kind words.

      Kate

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    • Hi SwordDanceWarrior,

      I’m sorry that you were abused like this. You are such a lovely person. I am always amazed when people turn out lovely after all that they have gone through. You have done a wonderful job of becoming a better person.

      I can relate to the invalidating aspect of scapegoating. I believe that about my own abuse history. My mother was quite active in making others believe I was this little child who was insane. I believe she actively feared my telling, but that is only upon reflection as an adult. At the time I didn’t believe anyone cared.

      I am working on creating a family of choice and have a few wonderful friends who I love so very much. Starting a blog has increased the friendships and that is wonderful as well. Thank you for being here.

      Kate

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