More on Emotional/Verbal Abuse
February 22, 2012 at 11:27 pm 2 comments
I’ve been thinking a lot about emotional/verbal abuse lately. Posting about it recently has really brought up a lot. Some time ago I wanted to write about it. But things got in the way. My life was chaotic and almost all my belongings, including my books on healing, were in storage.
Writing and posting on the subject of emotional and verbal abuse reminded me about the book “The Emotionally Abusive Relationship” and wanted to post about the four types of emotional abusers from the book. I’m going to get it out of my box of books in my bedroom and start doing that soon. I can’t remember all of the four types. But I do recall that my mother and my ex-boyfriend were both destroyer emotional abusers. I’m pretty sure that as I re-read the book I will find that I have known all four types of them, since I’ve known so many.
It has been nice recently to realize that for the most part I don’t have any emotion or verbal abusers in my life right now. That has been so sweet. And so hard to do. I get so lonely for someone to hang out with it is hard to say no to someone who comes into my life. But I won’t go back to that. We deserve better.
Well when I see my one brother I do get yelled at, made fun of, and get my opinions, beliefs, activities, life mind, etc, well pretty much everything evaluated and open to ridicule. But we don’t see each other much, for all the reasons above. I know he loves me, it is just that I am hard pressed to find any evidence of that in the last three years. Love with verbal abuse sucks.
It’s hard to admit, but I don’t really have a good way of counter-acting his hateful treatment of me, except to not talk to him. Well except for working on healing and increasing self-esteem. With family of origin abusers, it is so hard to break out of the abusive patterns they want to continue to inflict.
Entry filed under: abuse survivor, child sexual abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, verbal abuse. Tags: abuse survivor, child sexual abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, emotional abuse, healing from abuse, verbal abuse.
1.
Sharon Moms Madhouse (@crazykids6) | February 25, 2012 at 2:50 pm
It is hard, isn’t it? My mother could tear me apart with words, just as bad as my father could with his fists or the “other” abuse.
I had to cut contact with my one of my brothers too. I remember when I was praying to God to help me weed out all evil in my life, 2 weeks later I knew the evil was my blood family.
I have contact with only one brother now, and of course “Granny” and that side of the family. But I went 2 1/2 years with no contact from family, so I understand the love w/ the abuse.
Sharon
2.
kate1975 | February 25, 2012 at 11:43 pm
Hi Sharon,
I’m so sorry dear. Thank you for sharing. I realize you really know what I am saying and feeling about this. I’m sorry that you can relate. My father, though not a sexual abuser, was a terrible emotional abuser and an alcoholic.
I wanted to mention that some time ago you wrote a comment and it got deleted because it got sent to spam. It was a very lovely comment and I was very upset to be able to read only a little bit of it before it got deleted. I had routinely been deleting my spam without reading it, just going to the spam and pressing delete. This happened once before as well. Spammers apparently started saying complimentary comments to blogs, like I really agree, I really like this and will be back, etc. So it mistook you as a spammer. I’m still upset about that and always check my spam to see if something got caught there by accident, like a very complimentary comment. I’m sorry that happened.
Yes realizing your blood family is evil is a very bitter pill and hard to swallow. I believe it would be so much easier to accept if they hadn’t beaten us emotionally so bad. I was brainwashed to believe that if my family couldn’t love me or be loving it was because I didn’t deserve that, because I was the bad one, and that until they did, no one else would ever accept or love me. I spent so much time spinning my wheels under those beliefs. I can make someone else change, but I can change and boundaries with my family of origin is one of my hugest accomplishments in healing.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate