What About Boundaries?

I read in The Emotionally Abused Woman by Beverly Engel that survivors of abuse don’t have good boundaries because child sexual abuse is an invasion of their body and their personal space and boundaries.  It breaks them down to be violated like this. It makes it hard to have boundaries and therefore easy for someone else to violate the survivor. I thought great, that explains that.

How do I find boundaries now, when it is normal as a survivor not to have them?  So living and healing is a process of daily finding your boundaries.

What do you like, what don’t you like, what do you love, what do you hate, what do you want to do and not to do, who do you want in your life and who do you not want to have anything to do with?

What kind of family do you want and do you have to create a new one? How do you decide if you want to associate with any of your famliy that have been a part of your life of abuse? Do you see any of them?

What limitations and boundaries do you exercise with them? Do they respect them? Can you still associate with them if they do not respect your boundaries and you?

What are you willing to tolerate in hatred and disrespect directed at you at home, by loved ones, by friends, by strangers, at work and by bosses and co-workers?

What kind of love and what kind of friendships and relationships do you want?

What kind of life do you want and what goals and plans and actions are you doing to make them come to reality?

It is like building up a life for yourself out of the ashes of abuse. There is something in those ashes. It is you. It is me. And that is a lot to work with. You might not see it. You might not believe it, but it is true. I know, I didn’t see it either.

All of those things are learning boundaries. It is a path you walk, a daily path, one that is a challenge, but also it is a path of honor and respect, for yourself and for yourself. Look to your right and left. You are not alone. Other survivors are with you.